more den a month of silence

I need your words...and found them so inspiring..
"God really showed me how important trusting in Him was."
Such sharing from his blog really prompts me to look at my relationship with God....I'm too ashamed to face God...I'm not worthy to be love by the man I love..He loves God so deeply...and as for me...It's another way round.

*Cries*

I still see you in my dream...dream guy

Dear readers

A lot of things have been going through my mind...
But one thing that I was most worried about is my childhood friend who seems to be so distant..and I'm kinda afraid to lose the close bonding that I have with her... I get pretty upset by her coldness which I can feel it and I get disappointed or rather hurt when I see her faceless expression.. It's just not right... Stupid uni...make so many people stress until have sucidal thoughts and/or depressed and/or sians. So many peeps around me are those victims..I really hope time will fly and they can quickly enjoy life without worrying about the tons of things to read, to work on, to think on and to do the next day. It really sucks to see the tortured looks from my peeps.

I wonder how is she likee...and how things are like for her.

Anyway, back to him...I dreamt often about him and have been imagining if only I could sing well, I will sing songs of confession to him..I felt that dropping hints that way is cool and perhaps he might even show more interest to me because I have such a power voice with such power emotions.. But that's only if I have those power voice...which is impossiblee..

Ah well..I had a BIG EYE CANDY...some guy from my sch. He looks decent..and fair...and cute...but pretty much different from ben. He's a very kind and helpful guy and I like to have causal conversations with him...just feel pretty comfortable being myself and expressing myself..and the best thing is that I don't feel nervy at all! I always get to see him on wed and I keep on thinking back on the wed morning..where I bumped to him outside the lab and he's just walking past me and looked into my eyes quickly. I'm kinda excited to see him in school..if I don't see him on wed, I think I'll get really disappointed. But well...he's just an eye candy.. :) Gosh..I better not fall in love because I'm lonely mann..

what is the true meaning of missing someone?

Missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you have seen them or the amount of time since u've talked. It's about that very moment when you find yourself doing something and wishing that they were right there by your side..

I've been missing you a lot...even before you leave..

when there's feelings, things will be complicated.

dear HEART..please don't fall in love because I'm lonely..prepare to be ready and stay strong..this is all I am asking of myself.

I won't ask this to you..but I'd rather give my wounded heart and broken toys to Him

I've been hurt...

this is what I have been doing...waiting for you..and you are..

I will never know what is being strong like...until..

Ya..why do I feel this way?

Painful jokes

Should I smile because we're friends or cry because that's all we'll ever be?

You know I haven't seen you awhile

I wasn't desperate..
In fact if everyday was a that saturday, it will be just fine. I could feel loneliness and being so distance from you. Even when you're around, I don't talk to you. Just because I don't talk to you, doesn't mean that I don't love you. I have to stay at a distance because I know I can't have you..

I miss you a lot today. I was focusing my eyes on the newsletter (sep-oct) issue. And I simply love those pictures :)

anw, saturday was a BUMping session.
I saw ksoon at the bustop, rp friend which is jason at the mrt and jer jee while I was walking home. I get to talk a lot and shared a lot yeah. Anw, I guess I get to BUMp to alot of pple because I have a BIG BUM. hahaaa! all thanks to chicken.

Well, sunday..which is today...I spent almost my whole day sms-ing pple talking about really random stuffs like telling nick kan that fried chicken wings are therapeutic and he told me when he's sad, he'll emo one corner and start eating chicken.. and to jonlee, I was talking about my piano stuff as usual. Oh! He said that he likes my yellow dress! I love my yellow dress too! :D
And to yin san, I msged her just one word, "Hi". and she's like why so random?! And I said," OH YESSS! I'VE SENT YOU THE SHORTEST MESSAGE EVER!" and she was like, "ARE YOU ON CHICKEN OR SOMETHING?!" Well, to magg, I've said, "So have you managed to clear your bowels? (this is a serious question). If you haven't done it, don't worry. because I haven't cleared mine." And she's like CRAZIEEE GIRL! To jer jee, I've continued our conversation from last night and I started to talk about BUM agn and I said why are we talking about BUM? can we change to buns instead? And he replied, "Oh yes! about buns, they are nice to eat!" I wanted to laugh so badly but I can't cos I was at a wake.

hahaha! well, I love responses. Cheering others up = cheering myself up too. VERY THERAPEUTIC. but I don't actually cheer people up just for myself all the times, but it's just MOST OF THE TIME. :)

sighs. I JUST WANNA HEAR SOMETHING FROM YOU..REALLY FEEL LIKE TELLING YOU THAT I've dreamt that u've got kidnap. and I felt really really happy to see you fine and getting online. LOVEE YOU STILL PRETTY A LOT.

As I was walking

As I was walking and shopping at IKEA, all my mind was thinking about this..
1) If only I have the money...
2) If only you and I are together...

I couldn't stop missing u afterwards.
I boarded the same bus as his mum..His mum doesn't know me...so we didn't speak. Just that it kinda felt really strange and distance when I was talking to seowfei and kitsoon and she was just standing there..all quiet.

mmm...why should I be so nervy? Relaxxxxx and chillllllllllllllll