Dear readers
There's something about me, feeling completely breathless, utterly helpless that I just want to stop doing every single thing. Something precious will soon be out of my sight. Though I never own the precious, had the precious, but it is my precious. YES. 3 precious words appeared in one sentence. Cos I couldn't do anything more, nor say anything that's in my heart for so long. I don't want to do this anymore. But I don't know why I kept telling myself not to give up because I hadn't tried. I don't want to be a complete loser. Becos I'd never tried to hold it tight till refusal and rejectment comes in. So I told myself that there's still time, at least days. Make use of it to leave some precious memories for the precious. But I really don't know how. And so I'm stress, worried and dreamt about precious almost everynight. This is TRUE. He appeared in my dreams many times.
But there's another voice inside me, that says, just stop. Its better for me to stop. I don't have to do it. I don't have to feel stress. Leave it to God and I'll find peace. Lord, make me realise what I don't realised. Especially Your goodness. I want to have the love of God in me. I don't want Your love to me to be one-sided. I want to love you more. I know how it feels like and I hope I won't do this to you Lord.
Lord, I know how it feels like to have something precious taken away. I know who's precious to You. Its the soul of Thy creation. The people. Whenever the devil tempted them and leads them away from You. Lord, I know it is really sad. I hope that I can do something about it. Something that I can do for You in this area. But I'm still very unprepared. Prepare my Thy ways and sanctify me.
If someone is not meant for me, then just let it be.
If something is not meant to be heard or said, then let it be.
The most important thing is, I still have You.
Whether I am a complete winner or loser doesn't matter. The most important is, the VICTORY is the Lord and therefore, I will REJOICE!
Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say Rejoice!
Friday, December 17, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
I've never felt this way before
Hey readers
I don't know how. Happy I should be or sad I should be.
I was so excited about the steamboat on thurs. Many things happened on that day.
1. School. Fell sick and sore throat. didn't slp much that night.
2. Go sunshine plaza with nigel. He was so kind. Postponed his gym training just to be my tour guide to sunshine plaza. Help me carry lappy and umbrella. Best "tour guide" ever man. You can't get this anywhere!
3. Meet Yin San while waiting for tim n ben to come.
Saw Ben's msg and I was thinking why he was at airport? The 1st thing that comes into my head was he might be sending maggie off! HAHA! Den in the end me and yin san teased him!
I tot my strawberry period came. But in the end, I scare myself.
4. Ben came. I pretend to be fine. but actually I was overly excited inside.
5. Go steamboat place. Wahh, that day was raining away and it doesn't feel good eating at somewhere like that, somemore expensive and the oil keep on splattering like nobody's business like dat. But I still felt really happy. Esp he started talking and asked me something about why I was early and so on.
6. He was so cute :)
7. He was so funny :)
8. OVERSEAS? Why go overseas? to where? for wad?
9. My heart sank.
(but I said, "wah! scholarship! wah! london!)
10. My heart sank further when he said he's going for 3 to mabye 4 years.
(but I said, " wah! cool!)
11. Go sunshine plaza to collect poster.
Felt so urgent! need to go toilet. In the end I felt like it took millions of yrs just to get to toilet.
Finally reached there. I was so dumb. The guy pointed there, the rubberband. I look at the direction hes pointing at, and asked where? Den he said there, I look at the same direction agn and asked where? Den he said, THERE! ON MY HAND! and looked and OH!!!!! HAHAHAHA!
(SLOW SHI TING)
And me and yin san enjoyed singing song together and laughing away at each other's dumb song! YI PEE YA YA YI PEE YI PEE YA!!
12. We came back after 20+ mins from sunshine plaza and I told jokes to the 3 guys.
13. I love the way he laughs when I did the indian lightbulb dance right in front of him!
14. and one costumer laughs, "HA! HA! HA!" It really sounds like some martial arts SHI FU yelling HA! HA! HA! when he attack his opponent. Thats wad ben said. I couldn't agree more. When I pee, I heard the person HA!HA!HA! again. I was HA!HA!HA!-ing away when I'm peeing too! :D
15. Soon, its time to go home. 3 hours just past like this. and Ben ended being the one that the oil loves the most. He kena the most oil being splattered on him. Its mostly Tim's fault. He spilled the soup on that hot oil. poor ben cannot siam in time. So he "ARGH!" loadds of time mann!! Its kinda funny though.
16. I love the way he helped me to shift the prawns nearer to me.
17. I love how he was willing to scope some soup for his friends and me despite the scary oil.
18. I screamed onto Yinsan's ears via the rolled up poster!
19. Ben wanted to help me with my stuff. But I told him nvm I can managed.
20. Ben asked me about the poster. And I told him its Ginvera. And hugged the poster in front of everybody.
21. He went boarded the train alone.
22. I looked at him when he's on the train. When the train ran past my eyes, I didn't dare to look back at him and just laughed becos Yin San laughed.
23. I found out from tim about the girl who ben likes. It reminded me that he might not be kidding about he only reply msgs to the girl of his dreams. and he said no so loudly when jeremy asked so its me rtye?
24. I couldn't feel any lousier than before.
I couldn't sleep well. And the next day I've overslept..
I dunno wad gave me the courage to ask him out for badminton. Probably I managed to convince myself that he won't feel odd.
He was busy with youth camp preps so he can't meet me.
Anw, I felt better after talking to him about random stuffs. haha
I realised that only the person who hurts u, be it indirectly or directly, is the only person that could make you find back your real smile.
I dunno whether its my eyes got problem a not. But from the sideview, I saw him in church.
He said he's not going to special ministry and has not attended one in his life. but there, on friday night, I saw him.
By the way, the speaker made me almost cried. Can I really sing, "take my life, my silver and my gold, not a mite would I withhold, take my hands etc.?"
I felt that I'm still very carnal. becos, I still can't do that. I need more serious discipleship. I seriously think that when ben goes, I can just focus solely on God. Love God more than anything else. Thats my intention, my goal, my aspiration.
Today, presentation was slack. Not me but the faccies. Go around asking pple whether they wan some chips a not when pple are presenting away. HAH! She said I presented good enough and dunnid to cover all. Asked simpler questions like wads the diff between personal care and beauty care industry instead of asking me wads strategic group :)
Its been a while since I last fell down. When ben hits my head, I felt giddy and leaned backwards. I dunno what he was trying to support me from the back. But he grabbed me and it almost touch the side of my boobs mann.. I got stunned when I saw its him and just felt...wah! it feels like I'm in a drama. Lovin it?
Even though he's leaving and do his "political" course, and even though he does not like me,
I will patiently wait. I've never felt so right. Lost in thoughts of him.
It suddenly reminds me of my childhood promise to my mother. Cos I once promised her that I will not get a bf only until I reached 22 yrs old, if I got bf before that, I will become an old witch. If I wait for him, I really might not get any bf till 22! This is seriously so scary. Never promise what you don't mean it. See now, I think I've cursed myself since childhood days. *shake heads*
Oh, just now was his first comment on my facebook status! He said sorry he hit my head.
I wanted to tell him its not the head that feels pain, its how he touched me felt really awkward.
Ben,
After I heard about your scholarship to london to pursue further studies, the first question that come into my mind was, why can't you choose NUS instead? Its pretigous and good. Well, perhaps maybe NUS doesn't have the course you wanted.
Now, Worship service, CEP, Prayer meeting, gospel serive, YP in amk are going to lack of one voice singing, listening, and praying.
Now, Youth camp, mission trip to cambodia, DVBS are going to lack of one person service.
Now, captain's ball and soccer are going to lack of one person playing.
Now, Shi Ting lack of someone to HA!HA!HA! with.
I just hope that all will be well there and that u'll have a safe journey back to Singapore.
I also hope that u'll be able to find a church there to continue to serve Him and reach out to others.
May you be well and happy always. No matter what happens, apply Lordship into your life, and you'll never know what God can do for you!
Just last thing that I hope...
I hope that I'll be able to recognise you when you come back!! :D
Take care. (sobs.)
With lots of love,
Shi Ting
I don't know how. Happy I should be or sad I should be.
I was so excited about the steamboat on thurs. Many things happened on that day.
1. School. Fell sick and sore throat. didn't slp much that night.
2. Go sunshine plaza with nigel. He was so kind. Postponed his gym training just to be my tour guide to sunshine plaza. Help me carry lappy and umbrella. Best "tour guide" ever man. You can't get this anywhere!
3. Meet Yin San while waiting for tim n ben to come.
Saw Ben's msg and I was thinking why he was at airport? The 1st thing that comes into my head was he might be sending maggie off! HAHA! Den in the end me and yin san teased him!
I tot my strawberry period came. But in the end, I scare myself.
4. Ben came. I pretend to be fine. but actually I was overly excited inside.
5. Go steamboat place. Wahh, that day was raining away and it doesn't feel good eating at somewhere like that, somemore expensive and the oil keep on splattering like nobody's business like dat. But I still felt really happy. Esp he started talking and asked me something about why I was early and so on.
6. He was so cute :)
7. He was so funny :)
8. OVERSEAS? Why go overseas? to where? for wad?
9. My heart sank.
(but I said, "wah! scholarship! wah! london!)
10. My heart sank further when he said he's going for 3 to mabye 4 years.
(but I said, " wah! cool!)
11. Go sunshine plaza to collect poster.
Felt so urgent! need to go toilet. In the end I felt like it took millions of yrs just to get to toilet.
Finally reached there. I was so dumb. The guy pointed there, the rubberband. I look at the direction hes pointing at, and asked where? Den he said there, I look at the same direction agn and asked where? Den he said, THERE! ON MY HAND! and looked and OH!!!!! HAHAHAHA!
(SLOW SHI TING)
And me and yin san enjoyed singing song together and laughing away at each other's dumb song! YI PEE YA YA YI PEE YI PEE YA!!
12. We came back after 20+ mins from sunshine plaza and I told jokes to the 3 guys.
13. I love the way he laughs when I did the indian lightbulb dance right in front of him!
14. and one costumer laughs, "HA! HA! HA!" It really sounds like some martial arts SHI FU yelling HA! HA! HA! when he attack his opponent. Thats wad ben said. I couldn't agree more. When I pee, I heard the person HA!HA!HA! again. I was HA!HA!HA!-ing away when I'm peeing too! :D
15. Soon, its time to go home. 3 hours just past like this. and Ben ended being the one that the oil loves the most. He kena the most oil being splattered on him. Its mostly Tim's fault. He spilled the soup on that hot oil. poor ben cannot siam in time. So he "ARGH!" loadds of time mann!! Its kinda funny though.
16. I love the way he helped me to shift the prawns nearer to me.
17. I love how he was willing to scope some soup for his friends and me despite the scary oil.
18. I screamed onto Yinsan's ears via the rolled up poster!
19. Ben wanted to help me with my stuff. But I told him nvm I can managed.
20. Ben asked me about the poster. And I told him its Ginvera. And hugged the poster in front of everybody.
21. He went boarded the train alone.
22. I looked at him when he's on the train. When the train ran past my eyes, I didn't dare to look back at him and just laughed becos Yin San laughed.
23. I found out from tim about the girl who ben likes. It reminded me that he might not be kidding about he only reply msgs to the girl of his dreams. and he said no so loudly when jeremy asked so its me rtye?
24. I couldn't feel any lousier than before.
I couldn't sleep well. And the next day I've overslept..
I dunno wad gave me the courage to ask him out for badminton. Probably I managed to convince myself that he won't feel odd.
He was busy with youth camp preps so he can't meet me.
Anw, I felt better after talking to him about random stuffs. haha
I realised that only the person who hurts u, be it indirectly or directly, is the only person that could make you find back your real smile.
I dunno whether its my eyes got problem a not. But from the sideview, I saw him in church.
He said he's not going to special ministry and has not attended one in his life. but there, on friday night, I saw him.
By the way, the speaker made me almost cried. Can I really sing, "take my life, my silver and my gold, not a mite would I withhold, take my hands etc.?"
I felt that I'm still very carnal. becos, I still can't do that. I need more serious discipleship. I seriously think that when ben goes, I can just focus solely on God. Love God more than anything else. Thats my intention, my goal, my aspiration.
Today, presentation was slack. Not me but the faccies. Go around asking pple whether they wan some chips a not when pple are presenting away. HAH! She said I presented good enough and dunnid to cover all. Asked simpler questions like wads the diff between personal care and beauty care industry instead of asking me wads strategic group :)
Its been a while since I last fell down. When ben hits my head, I felt giddy and leaned backwards. I dunno what he was trying to support me from the back. But he grabbed me and it almost touch the side of my boobs mann.. I got stunned when I saw its him and just felt...wah! it feels like I'm in a drama. Lovin it?
Even though he's leaving and do his "political" course, and even though he does not like me,
I will patiently wait. I've never felt so right. Lost in thoughts of him.
It suddenly reminds me of my childhood promise to my mother. Cos I once promised her that I will not get a bf only until I reached 22 yrs old, if I got bf before that, I will become an old witch. If I wait for him, I really might not get any bf till 22! This is seriously so scary. Never promise what you don't mean it. See now, I think I've cursed myself since childhood days. *shake heads*
Oh, just now was his first comment on my facebook status! He said sorry he hit my head.
I wanted to tell him its not the head that feels pain, its how he touched me felt really awkward.
Ben,
After I heard about your scholarship to london to pursue further studies, the first question that come into my mind was, why can't you choose NUS instead? Its pretigous and good. Well, perhaps maybe NUS doesn't have the course you wanted.
Now, Worship service, CEP, Prayer meeting, gospel serive, YP in amk are going to lack of one voice singing, listening, and praying.
Now, Youth camp, mission trip to cambodia, DVBS are going to lack of one person service.
Now, captain's ball and soccer are going to lack of one person playing.
Now, Shi Ting lack of someone to HA!HA!HA! with.
I just hope that all will be well there and that u'll have a safe journey back to Singapore.
I also hope that u'll be able to find a church there to continue to serve Him and reach out to others.
May you be well and happy always. No matter what happens, apply Lordship into your life, and you'll never know what God can do for you!
Just last thing that I hope...
I hope that I'll be able to recognise you when you come back!! :D
Take care. (sobs.)
With lots of love,
Shi Ting
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