YOUR SLOWNESS TO RESPOND JUST ANNOYED ME.
And true enough, u've ignored what I've commented.
*annoying fella*
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
LOVE WEEKENDS
This weekend was well enjoyed by meee!
It's much more fun with people hanging around you :)
I felt that I wasn't lonely today. There's a group of friends to have lunch with me, play monopoly deal, to watch movie and yinsan to pei me to gospel service. :) I don't have to camp in church and slp in that tiny kid's room alone.
Though I'm really tired due to deprived of sleep, but my emotional state was lifted up..so much so that I've loadds of energy to keep going on.
I really hope that my weekends will be well enjoyed...every moment will be less lonely...
I felt really relax without having to worry whether he's around to look at my actions and behaviour. And I don't have to keep on frantically looking everywhere for him to make sure he's still there that kinda thing.
Truly, I felt really blessed despite of the sinful things that I've been dong. I know I really have to stop thinking about him and focus on God. Because God is the only one which can provide and grant me special joy and blessings to enjoy :) Thank you God for the blessings that I've received. I don't deserve it, but You've really shown kindness and grace to me. :) I felt really happy with friends around me :) Surely this is one of the weekends which I'll rmb in my heart. Brightening and relaxed.
I prolly have already given up in waiting for ben unknowingly...if my heart unknowingly forgets about him, I'd not regret. Rather, I'd really feel happy about that. Because I don't have to suffer from un-reciprocrated love! :)
I really feel like talking to you know...wanna ask when u starting sch and all...
but I feel that u prolly wouldn't like to talk to me...or find me disturbing..
Don't know why my heart thinks of you this way...perharps things are getting really colder..
and so do my heart. it'll eventually be solidified to ice.
It's much more fun with people hanging around you :)
I felt that I wasn't lonely today. There's a group of friends to have lunch with me, play monopoly deal, to watch movie and yinsan to pei me to gospel service. :) I don't have to camp in church and slp in that tiny kid's room alone.
Though I'm really tired due to deprived of sleep, but my emotional state was lifted up..so much so that I've loadds of energy to keep going on.
I really hope that my weekends will be well enjoyed...every moment will be less lonely...
I felt really relax without having to worry whether he's around to look at my actions and behaviour. And I don't have to keep on frantically looking everywhere for him to make sure he's still there that kinda thing.
Truly, I felt really blessed despite of the sinful things that I've been dong. I know I really have to stop thinking about him and focus on God. Because God is the only one which can provide and grant me special joy and blessings to enjoy :) Thank you God for the blessings that I've received. I don't deserve it, but You've really shown kindness and grace to me. :) I felt really happy with friends around me :) Surely this is one of the weekends which I'll rmb in my heart. Brightening and relaxed.
I prolly have already given up in waiting for ben unknowingly...if my heart unknowingly forgets about him, I'd not regret. Rather, I'd really feel happy about that. Because I don't have to suffer from un-reciprocrated love! :)
I really feel like talking to you know...wanna ask when u starting sch and all...
but I feel that u prolly wouldn't like to talk to me...or find me disturbing..
Don't know why my heart thinks of you this way...perharps things are getting really colder..
and so do my heart. it'll eventually be solidified to ice.
Friday, September 23, 2011
6 days of absence, 6 days worth of feelings
Hi readers,
This is a month full of happenings...
Experienced sweetness, warmth yet and the same time experienced bitterness, anguish..as though there was a lost of life.
Certainly, even though it was just an animal, but the ones that brought happiness to the house so much can never be forgotten. I'm sure a lot of you might be wondering what was I referring to..it's none than the sparrow called xiaoya.
Although I have never give an account of xiaoya in this blog, but the stories of xiaoya were mentioned among my friends. The stories of xiaoya eating durian, sleeping on my hand, telling about the food he eat, pecking on my hand until it bleeds, thinking that xiaoya was a mynah but it turns out to be a sparrow, flying to me when I called "ji ji ji" once I reached home, flying out of the house twice and my parents managed to find and get it back and of cos, how I've felt about that special bird.
Xiaoya was indeed a bird that brought so much happiness to the house through the good and bad times and he was like part of the family. A baby. Watching it growing up to be a grown up sparrow was truly a joy. This bird was friendly to strangers, allow them to gently stroke on him, feed him and even dares to sleep on a human's hand. I can never forget that he has such a warm body and I carried him to sleep with me. When xiaoya woke up from sleep, the first thing he will do is to stretch it's leg, den both it's wings and position himself to poop. So I always hurried myself to make xiaoya to stand on my fingers so that it can poop and drop on the floor or newspaper. :) Truly, Xiaoya is a bird that no other birds can replace him.
Xiaoya isn't a bird who doesn't fear anything. It fears darkness and BIG objects. So whenever we carry objects like bags with us, xiaoya quickly flew away to the high places like the curtains and clocks! :x
Xiaoya was a lonely bird...having no friends to play with him. But he still tries to make the effort to show us that he needed attention and love. So he plays with us, flying from hand to hand..cleaning it's beak on our hands, tidying up it's feathers on our hands, even pooped on our hands too :S
But somehow, I think that xiaoya is an attractive bird. It attracts other sparrows to fly into the house. Several times, I caught xiaoya flying with the sparrow and I keep calling "ji ji ji" and it flew back to the house agn.
However this time round, due to my carelessness and being soporific, xiaoya flew out of the house without me knowing. My mum was really upset and disappointed with me. And thus, I was known as useless the whole day.. This happened just before my birthday..
I couldn't believe and I went on shaking the beams, but xiaoya didn't come out. I was so worried.
I didn't get the anguish feeling yet until xiaoya was missing till night time. It broke and sours my heart to see my mum looking for xiaoya desperately, going up and down the stairs, and everywhere in the neighbourhood and kept calling, "ji ji ji!" It was worse that I saw her tears and worried face. She was depressed. She doesn't even feeling like going out nowadays..
However this incident does not kept me away from thinking of ben. I kept on waiting for his wishes to wish me happy birthday on facebook..it didn't happened. Not this yr, not last yr, not last last yr, not last last last yr.. I told myself to look forward to next yr..but I think it'll not likely happen that he'll wish me too..such simple words...I don't even deserve to receive it from him...
Argh well, although he's the major cause of my pain and depression, I don't intent to let this pain continue to pierce through my heart. I just hope that it stops right now..I'm just disappointed that he didn't even thought of me even during my birthday. The best remedy for now is that he'd think about me and lemme know that..or just a simple happy belated bdae wld be fine..
But it's okay..he's not a close friend or even a friend that I'd go to comfortably. Probably this is a sign that we're not meant to be..and my feelings are meant to be gone for good. just dunnoe why even with this in mind, i still keep on fixing my eyes on him.
My mind kept on going back to the night before he left...I keep on wandering whether he has received my msg to him before he left. My heart tells me that he did and didn't care to reply. My mind tells me that he didn't because I saw a picture of another phone in his fb pic with mor. Prolly he changed his number too.... Even had a nightmare on that night... well, I kept regretting in my heart that I didn't send him off..Just hate that scene...I'd prolly cry..I'd prolly be caught up in jealousy agn..seeing how he and his (ex)dreamgirl taking pics together and talking...I'd prolly be left out somewhere because he got so many people to talk to...and I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't be standing there to talk to me. Because even at his farewell gathering, he didn't approach me to talk about stuff..what's more when there's his (ex)dreamgirl around and other close friends? I'm just an extra..
Hate to be in this way but what else can I do but to tolerate...
Even though some things are not working out or going the way I wanted, but how often I hold on to it so tightly for the fact that I don't wanna lose it. But here's the point that I've realised that the more I cling to it, the more I find myself losing it. I've realised this fact for a long time...the time where I've decided to let go..how often I'm finding myself still holding tightly to it...I'm still unable to persuade myself to let go..and now...I'm finally losing it all...Such a consequence to bear..such grief..such misery...where's all my relationship with God? it's tarnished...ruin... I gained nothing..not even ben.
Bye readers
This is a month full of happenings...
Experienced sweetness, warmth yet and the same time experienced bitterness, anguish..as though there was a lost of life.
Certainly, even though it was just an animal, but the ones that brought happiness to the house so much can never be forgotten. I'm sure a lot of you might be wondering what was I referring to..it's none than the sparrow called xiaoya.
Although I have never give an account of xiaoya in this blog, but the stories of xiaoya were mentioned among my friends. The stories of xiaoya eating durian, sleeping on my hand, telling about the food he eat, pecking on my hand until it bleeds, thinking that xiaoya was a mynah but it turns out to be a sparrow, flying to me when I called "ji ji ji" once I reached home, flying out of the house twice and my parents managed to find and get it back and of cos, how I've felt about that special bird.
Xiaoya was indeed a bird that brought so much happiness to the house through the good and bad times and he was like part of the family. A baby. Watching it growing up to be a grown up sparrow was truly a joy. This bird was friendly to strangers, allow them to gently stroke on him, feed him and even dares to sleep on a human's hand. I can never forget that he has such a warm body and I carried him to sleep with me. When xiaoya woke up from sleep, the first thing he will do is to stretch it's leg, den both it's wings and position himself to poop. So I always hurried myself to make xiaoya to stand on my fingers so that it can poop and drop on the floor or newspaper. :) Truly, Xiaoya is a bird that no other birds can replace him.
Xiaoya isn't a bird who doesn't fear anything. It fears darkness and BIG objects. So whenever we carry objects like bags with us, xiaoya quickly flew away to the high places like the curtains and clocks! :x
Xiaoya was a lonely bird...having no friends to play with him. But he still tries to make the effort to show us that he needed attention and love. So he plays with us, flying from hand to hand..cleaning it's beak on our hands, tidying up it's feathers on our hands, even pooped on our hands too :S
But somehow, I think that xiaoya is an attractive bird. It attracts other sparrows to fly into the house. Several times, I caught xiaoya flying with the sparrow and I keep calling "ji ji ji" and it flew back to the house agn.
However this time round, due to my carelessness and being soporific, xiaoya flew out of the house without me knowing. My mum was really upset and disappointed with me. And thus, I was known as useless the whole day.. This happened just before my birthday..
I couldn't believe and I went on shaking the beams, but xiaoya didn't come out. I was so worried.
I didn't get the anguish feeling yet until xiaoya was missing till night time. It broke and sours my heart to see my mum looking for xiaoya desperately, going up and down the stairs, and everywhere in the neighbourhood and kept calling, "ji ji ji!" It was worse that I saw her tears and worried face. She was depressed. She doesn't even feeling like going out nowadays..
However this incident does not kept me away from thinking of ben. I kept on waiting for his wishes to wish me happy birthday on facebook..it didn't happened. Not this yr, not last yr, not last last yr, not last last last yr.. I told myself to look forward to next yr..but I think it'll not likely happen that he'll wish me too..such simple words...I don't even deserve to receive it from him...
Argh well, although he's the major cause of my pain and depression, I don't intent to let this pain continue to pierce through my heart. I just hope that it stops right now..I'm just disappointed that he didn't even thought of me even during my birthday. The best remedy for now is that he'd think about me and lemme know that..or just a simple happy belated bdae wld be fine..
But it's okay..he's not a close friend or even a friend that I'd go to comfortably. Probably this is a sign that we're not meant to be..and my feelings are meant to be gone for good. just dunnoe why even with this in mind, i still keep on fixing my eyes on him.
My mind kept on going back to the night before he left...I keep on wandering whether he has received my msg to him before he left. My heart tells me that he did and didn't care to reply. My mind tells me that he didn't because I saw a picture of another phone in his fb pic with mor. Prolly he changed his number too.... Even had a nightmare on that night... well, I kept regretting in my heart that I didn't send him off..Just hate that scene...I'd prolly cry..I'd prolly be caught up in jealousy agn..seeing how he and his (ex)dreamgirl taking pics together and talking...I'd prolly be left out somewhere because he got so many people to talk to...and I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't be standing there to talk to me. Because even at his farewell gathering, he didn't approach me to talk about stuff..what's more when there's his (ex)dreamgirl around and other close friends? I'm just an extra..
Hate to be in this way but what else can I do but to tolerate...
Even though some things are not working out or going the way I wanted, but how often I hold on to it so tightly for the fact that I don't wanna lose it. But here's the point that I've realised that the more I cling to it, the more I find myself losing it. I've realised this fact for a long time...the time where I've decided to let go..how often I'm finding myself still holding tightly to it...I'm still unable to persuade myself to let go..and now...I'm finally losing it all...Such a consequence to bear..such grief..such misery...where's all my relationship with God? it's tarnished...ruin... I gained nothing..not even ben.
Bye readers
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
still feeling pissed? not anymore! :D
I just need to know that u're happy and safe.
When u're happy, I'm happy too.
When u're happy, I'm happy too.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
there're moments...
Dear (ben)
There are moments in my life where I'm wonder-strucked, blushing all the way home..esp the time you supported me with ur hands when I almost fell to the ground.
There are moments in my life that I couldn't stop thinking about you.. So I went on the ur page, clicked onto the picture of you, and freeze it on my phone.
There are moments in my life that I've the urge to see you, screaming in my heart, "I NEED YOU NOW!"
But there're also moments in my life that the pain was so great, that I felt numbed to those feelings.
There are moments in my life where the pain was killing me when we're not speaking, or when I purposed my heart to stay away from you.
There are moments in my life I hope that you unknowingly figure out that you're significant to me.
There are moments in my life that I can't breathe when u held my wrist during a game.
There are moments in my life that I've always wanted to say, "I love you, superman. You're everything that I wanted."
There are moments in my life that I keep saying this in my heart, "Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't let me wait on you. Come back, and I'll be with you someday."
These are the words that I've held back until I see you again..or prolly even not when I see you again..
Whatever it is, agony arises when no miracles happened during these few months...and even before you left, you did not reply back my message. I was waiting the whole day, so much so that I even had a nightmare. The pain of insignificance starts to pierce right through my heart..
Welling up tears in my tears I said this, "am I really nothing to you?" The question of insignificance has never been answered, and it will never be..and I'll never know. It's a mystery...
Whatever the outcome might be, I know that I've truly been in love with you. And I love you so, even though it has never been recipocrated.
With lots of love, your secret admirer, the scariest person in ur life
Shi Ting
There are moments in my life where I'm wonder-strucked, blushing all the way home..esp the time you supported me with ur hands when I almost fell to the ground.
There are moments in my life that I couldn't stop thinking about you.. So I went on the ur page, clicked onto the picture of you, and freeze it on my phone.
There are moments in my life that I've the urge to see you, screaming in my heart, "I NEED YOU NOW!"
But there're also moments in my life that the pain was so great, that I felt numbed to those feelings.
There are moments in my life where the pain was killing me when we're not speaking, or when I purposed my heart to stay away from you.
There are moments in my life I hope that you unknowingly figure out that you're significant to me.
There are moments in my life that I can't breathe when u held my wrist during a game.
There are moments in my life that I've always wanted to say, "I love you, superman. You're everything that I wanted."
There are moments in my life that I keep saying this in my heart, "Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't let me wait on you. Come back, and I'll be with you someday."
These are the words that I've held back until I see you again..or prolly even not when I see you again..
Whatever it is, agony arises when no miracles happened during these few months...and even before you left, you did not reply back my message. I was waiting the whole day, so much so that I even had a nightmare. The pain of insignificance starts to pierce right through my heart..
Welling up tears in my tears I said this, "am I really nothing to you?" The question of insignificance has never been answered, and it will never be..and I'll never know. It's a mystery...
Whatever the outcome might be, I know that I've truly been in love with you. And I love you so, even though it has never been recipocrated.
With lots of love, your secret admirer, the scariest person in ur life
Shi Ting
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