Renewal

HEY READERS!

Frankly speaking, I think that having a retreat is much more better than going on a mission trip when I'm spiritually drained out. I felt that retreat allows me to withdraw myself from doing the normal "boring" stuffs like fb-ing and bejewel-ing and provides me a room to reflect on my walk with God, and to set me thinking on purifying my desires, letting God's desires to be my desires.
Whereas for a misson trip, I have so many things to do and I gradually get tired out and worned out. There's an obligation to want to spend time with God. Mission trip allowed me to see God's handiwork in His creation and how He has blessed the work there, experience something indifferent. But personally, there wasn't much gain for my spiritual walk. It's overloading due to tight schedule and traveling tired me out pretty much.

To be brutally honest with myself, I've all the desires that the world have. Desiring to posses tangeable things such as branded goods, cute accessories or clothes, and even desiring to posses a relationship. I'm sure everybody wants to have a person to lean on, and sometimes a gentle touch to feel secured. But all these things will pass away. Naked will I come to Earth, and naked will I depart. There's really nothing that I can bring to heaven. Only what's done for Christ will last.

There's this so called joke about this man who bring all his gold bars to heaven. And when God sees it, He said,"Why do you bring a pavement to heaven?" HAHAHA! Having riches is nothing.

From the retreat, I've managed to sort out my desires and priorities better..still struggling..but much better. I realised that my hand is still holding on to something I deemed as precious, unwilling to open it up to let God hold my hand and filled it with eternal things. I've actually missing out a lot of things that God wanted to give me. *tears rising up* So foolish...

Also from the retreat, I realised that I have to intentionally and deliberately put away the cares, the worries, the to-do list, and just, wanna spend time with God. Solitude...something I have to learn. Sometimes desiring to want to spend time with God should not come only at convienent places like go worship then start to commit myself etc. It really requires me to stop my to-do list and just desire to want to talk to Him like a girl who's in relationship with a guy and pines to want to talk to him every moment. That should be like the attitude.

I realised that some girls wanna stick with a guy who's not upright and all..and despite all those plentiful flaws, they still would want to stick with that guy..because she knows that she's wanted, she knows that she's important to that guy, she knows that she means all the whole world to him. But I realised that we as human, are all God's creation, each of us are made differently, ALL ARE PRECIOUS IN HIS SIGHT. ALL are important, valuable and significant because He loves us. When I thought that I'm so important and significant, I felt that this is something I can hold on to especially I start to get depressed and dejected, knowing that I'm no way significant in Ben's heart and I take no special place there. It sort of rejuvenates me and tried to let me think that it's not worth to give all my love to someone that does not love me at all..

Yes, this is what I've thought about. and thanks for reading it through! :))

BYE READERS!