Monday, February 25, 2013
the FB chat ups and downs with him
And so I wonder if you knew, when u sent me messages, my eyes would be wide opened even if it's 3AM at night.
And I also wonder if my text made you laugh hard :)
I'll go.. "Oh, its okay."
what happened?
On 24 Feb 13, I've decided to send a sarcastic text to him for not replying my text for almost a week.
He realized that I was angry. I'm like...hate fighting or being angry with him..
And I really wish he knew the reason why I stopped texting him for that whole of 6 days.
= cold turkey mood "ON"=
He realized that I was angry. I'm like...hate fighting or being angry with him..
And I really wish he knew the reason why I stopped texting him for that whole of 6 days.
= cold turkey mood "ON"=
I wonder if you knew
I miss you so much. I'm missing your voice, your smile, missing what could have been, but most of all MISSING YOU.
I can't help, nor can I stop thinking about you.
Your absence, your distant and your coldness, breaks and tore my heart.
I felt so lousy. I thought I could never feel so weak because I've experienced the worse.
It creeps me...that the worse is yet to come.
I feel like I'm digging my own grave.
Telling myself that I can do it. Trust that I believe in myself. That's that stupidest thing ever.
I thought I could gain your attention and slowly win your love.
I thought I can manage through studies and work.
But the fear creeps through my mind...
The lyrics of the song came into my mind..
I can always relate Taylor's song to my life story.
To Taylor: You played a great part in life's journey. The songs you wrote and sang, touches every part of my memories. Like the song You belong with me, I can relate it when I'm always standing by his side, yet he failed to realized that I'm the one. Like the song Haunted, I kept singing "C'mon, C'mon! don't leave me like this. I thought I had you figured it out..Something's gone terribly wrong..You're all I wanted!..." in my mind when he's going to leave Sg. And when he's overseas, I kept singing the song superman.."And I watched superman fly away, come back I'll be with you someday. I'll be right here on the ground..Till you come back down." I also sang enchanted, because I like the phrase that goes "Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting on you." When he's back in Sg, everything that I hope that it wouldn't happen, happened. That's when I kept singing white horse.."that I'm not your princess, this isn't a fairytale. I'm not the one who you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell..this isn't hollywood, this is a small town. I was a dreamer."
Now I've moved on..and this new "him"...
He's like the guy Taylor sings in I Knew You Were Trouble.
Although he's not a chao ah beng..but he's couldn't care less attitude..The mean guy..yet is able to smile like an angel. I mean how? Totally fits in to the song.
Where it says,
"I guess you didn't care
And I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard
You took a step back
Without me, without me, without me"
And
"When your saddest fear comes creeping in
That you never loved me or her or anyone or anything."
So now I'm really lying on the cold hard ground..I really am.
Please tell me that you rmb our date and that you rmb what you've agreed on.
Please tell me that you aren't having a fling with another girl.
Please let that sweet dream that I dreamt of come true.
I felt so lovestrucked in the dream.
In the dream, you love me. You gave me a box of gifts that you made.
A handicraft photoframe magnet. The bottle caps you collected that mean something between us. A imitation of a branded Agnes B red glossy wallet.
Your presence in my church and admiration when I played the piano. That playful smile and message that I dreamt you've sent.
It's all so wonderful. I really hope this can be true.
I missed you more than ever after the dream. You said, "can you not dream of me?" I can only reply in my head...that I wish I wouldn't have to. Because dreaming of you makes me yearn for love more. It makes me wanna own you. And because I couldn't, it hurts. Really hurts.
So please...may the sweet dream end. May reality be sweet.
I can't deny that I'm actually waiting for you. I AM WAITING.
Please don't keep me waiting. Please, tell me that you care.
Yeah, I'm single because I'm waiting for this amazing person to enter into my life. So really, please don't keep me waiting Mr broccoli.
I can't help, nor can I stop thinking about you.
Your absence, your distant and your coldness, breaks and tore my heart.
I felt so lousy. I thought I could never feel so weak because I've experienced the worse.
It creeps me...that the worse is yet to come.
I feel like I'm digging my own grave.
Telling myself that I can do it. Trust that I believe in myself. That's that stupidest thing ever.
I thought I could gain your attention and slowly win your love.
I thought I can manage through studies and work.
But the fear creeps through my mind...
The lyrics of the song came into my mind..
I can always relate Taylor's song to my life story.
To Taylor: You played a great part in life's journey. The songs you wrote and sang, touches every part of my memories. Like the song You belong with me, I can relate it when I'm always standing by his side, yet he failed to realized that I'm the one. Like the song Haunted, I kept singing "C'mon, C'mon! don't leave me like this. I thought I had you figured it out..Something's gone terribly wrong..You're all I wanted!..." in my mind when he's going to leave Sg. And when he's overseas, I kept singing the song superman.."And I watched superman fly away, come back I'll be with you someday. I'll be right here on the ground..Till you come back down." I also sang enchanted, because I like the phrase that goes "Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting on you." When he's back in Sg, everything that I hope that it wouldn't happen, happened. That's when I kept singing white horse.."that I'm not your princess, this isn't a fairytale. I'm not the one who you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell..this isn't hollywood, this is a small town. I was a dreamer."
Now I've moved on..and this new "him"...
He's like the guy Taylor sings in I Knew You Were Trouble.
Although he's not a chao ah beng..but he's couldn't care less attitude..The mean guy..yet is able to smile like an angel. I mean how? Totally fits in to the song.
Where it says,
"I guess you didn't care
And I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard
You took a step back
Without me, without me, without me"
And
"When your saddest fear comes creeping in
That you never loved me or her or anyone or anything."
So now I'm really lying on the cold hard ground..I really am.
Please tell me that you rmb our date and that you rmb what you've agreed on.
Please tell me that you aren't having a fling with another girl.
Please let that sweet dream that I dreamt of come true.
I felt so lovestrucked in the dream.
In the dream, you love me. You gave me a box of gifts that you made.
A handicraft photoframe magnet. The bottle caps you collected that mean something between us. A imitation of a branded Agnes B red glossy wallet.
Your presence in my church and admiration when I played the piano. That playful smile and message that I dreamt you've sent.
It's all so wonderful. I really hope this can be true.
I missed you more than ever after the dream. You said, "can you not dream of me?" I can only reply in my head...that I wish I wouldn't have to. Because dreaming of you makes me yearn for love more. It makes me wanna own you. And because I couldn't, it hurts. Really hurts.
So please...may the sweet dream end. May reality be sweet.
I can't deny that I'm actually waiting for you. I AM WAITING.
Please don't keep me waiting. Please, tell me that you care.
Yeah, I'm single because I'm waiting for this amazing person to enter into my life. So really, please don't keep me waiting Mr broccoli.
Monday, January 28, 2013
To go for it or not to?
Decisions. Sometimes it's the most brain racking part when it comes to making a wise decison.
I can't pretend that I won't see it coming. Neither can I pretend that I don't see the signs that were made obvious to me.
This is the real challenge, a real test of faith and obedience set by the most high and mighty One.
I've tried so hard to sastify the thrist of love and romance by soughting him.. I've imagined the things we can do, show it off to my dear friends and suitors that it's time to give up and for them to move on cos I've found someone much better.
I can't deny the fact that I sort of know he's not the one I'm looking for. But I wanna give it a chance to grow. But by doing so, I'm putting myself in the risk of falling in love till I'm out of control.
I've once told Kim abt the level of love. It's like a multi layered ball..
The outer most layer defines my liking for a guy due to the outward qualities of a guy which meets my kind of standard. He must be at least taller den me, tan (which is dam important - cos it means that the guy always heads ouGtdoor. And cos I'm rather tan, so it'll be such a disgrace to stand beside someone who has better complexion and fairer den me), capable and smart - from good schs, good looking or appears cute at least to me, bonus: police background and able to cook.
This kind of liking is just superficial. It keeps my mind entertained with the thoughts of the person as and when. I may also imagine the stuffs we can do together and look for opportunities to further. I might even go and do something special to the person and have a very different approach to him. Cos he's considered in my dating option list. Eye candies are most likely to enter this stage.
The next layer - the middle layer defines my liking to that person to the point where I'd miss him so much and would try to keep in contact with him or appears whenever I know he'd be there too. I would cyber "stalk" to find out all the details and info I need to know abt him. I would even try talking to his circle of friends and make friends with them. I would try to even ask him out on one to one date because I'm just too attached to him mentally. He's in my heart and that's loving and no longer like. Sacrifices could be made unconsciously. Level of commitment becomes high. But will still give chances to those who are still in the dating option because things doesn't go well or didn't seem right.
One must possessed certain qualities and character in order for me to reach this layer. For e.g: interesting, funny, cool, charming, charitable, decisive and enchanting. That's the guy I've been hitting on lately. How soon he has alrdy reached this layer.
The core of layer / the innermost layer is the I-will-Ydie-for-Him and will make HUGEsacrifices
This is the most critical part. It suggest that that person I'm in love with has the potential to be my further partner and is my Mr Right. I cannot go wrong with him because I know whatever he possessed is all that I need and all I ever wanted. He's perfect to me and there's no second looking or thought about loving another person. He certainly must be God-fearing, remarkable in His works and in the areas that he's responsibled for. In my whole lifetime till now, I've only had one person who made all the way up to this layer. He's ben.. The one I've fall in love so madly and badly. Hurt so much and even wanna take my life away becos I've lose it all when he's never mine to begin with.
Yes, I'm afraid. I am very afraid of what will be coming.. I don't know how to stop this urge.. But I do wanna see more from him. My desires are in conflict. I'm really confused..whether to go ahead or to let it go..
Right now, I still wanna keep holding on.. Because letting go should be the last option.. I don't wanna miss it agn. I don't wanna stop feeling nothing at all. My heart is telling me to go ahead, yet my mind says no becos he's not the right one and should stop pursing all those vain things - the illusive dream.
I can't pretend that I won't see it coming. Neither can I pretend that I don't see the signs that were made obvious to me.
This is the real challenge, a real test of faith and obedience set by the most high and mighty One.
I've tried so hard to sastify the thrist of love and romance by soughting him.. I've imagined the things we can do, show it off to my dear friends and suitors that it's time to give up and for them to move on cos I've found someone much better.
I can't deny the fact that I sort of know he's not the one I'm looking for. But I wanna give it a chance to grow. But by doing so, I'm putting myself in the risk of falling in love till I'm out of control.
I've once told Kim abt the level of love. It's like a multi layered ball..
The outer most layer defines my liking for a guy due to the outward qualities of a guy which meets my kind of standard. He must be at least taller den me, tan (which is dam important - cos it means that the guy always heads ouGtdoor. And cos I'm rather tan, so it'll be such a disgrace to stand beside someone who has better complexion and fairer den me), capable and smart - from good schs, good looking or appears cute at least to me, bonus: police background and able to cook.
This kind of liking is just superficial. It keeps my mind entertained with the thoughts of the person as and when. I may also imagine the stuffs we can do together and look for opportunities to further. I might even go and do something special to the person and have a very different approach to him. Cos he's considered in my dating option list. Eye candies are most likely to enter this stage.
The next layer - the middle layer defines my liking to that person to the point where I'd miss him so much and would try to keep in contact with him or appears whenever I know he'd be there too. I would cyber "stalk" to find out all the details and info I need to know abt him. I would even try talking to his circle of friends and make friends with them. I would try to even ask him out on one to one date because I'm just too attached to him mentally. He's in my heart and that's loving and no longer like. Sacrifices could be made unconsciously. Level of commitment becomes high. But will still give chances to those who are still in the dating option because things doesn't go well or didn't seem right.
One must possessed certain qualities and character in order for me to reach this layer. For e.g: interesting, funny, cool, charming, charitable, decisive and enchanting. That's the guy I've been hitting on lately. How soon he has alrdy reached this layer.
The core of layer / the innermost layer is the I-will-Ydie-for-Him and will make HUGEsacrifices
This is the most critical part. It suggest that that person I'm in love with has the potential to be my further partner and is my Mr Right. I cannot go wrong with him because I know whatever he possessed is all that I need and all I ever wanted. He's perfect to me and there's no second looking or thought about loving another person. He certainly must be God-fearing, remarkable in His works and in the areas that he's responsibled for. In my whole lifetime till now, I've only had one person who made all the way up to this layer. He's ben.. The one I've fall in love so madly and badly. Hurt so much and even wanna take my life away becos I've lose it all when he's never mine to begin with.
Yes, I'm afraid. I am very afraid of what will be coming.. I don't know how to stop this urge.. But I do wanna see more from him. My desires are in conflict. I'm really confused..whether to go ahead or to let it go..
Right now, I still wanna keep holding on.. Because letting go should be the last option.. I don't wanna miss it agn. I don't wanna stop feeling nothing at all. My heart is telling me to go ahead, yet my mind says no becos he's not the right one and should stop pursing all those vain things - the illusive dream.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
The best gift
Hi readers
So guess what? It's really nice to hear what I've mistaken abt him.
He never went to any of those "bad" places :) I'm so glad
The most rewarding part is that he has agreed to attend the enchanting event as my partner :)
Can't be more exciting, to wear my favorite new dress and shoes :)
With him, I'd dance in the storm with my best dress fearless :) even though I don't know how to dance!
Such an awesome day. Really thank God for him
Continue to follow me on this blog!
Bye readers :)
So guess what? It's really nice to hear what I've mistaken abt him.
He never went to any of those "bad" places :) I'm so glad
The most rewarding part is that he has agreed to attend the enchanting event as my partner :)
Can't be more exciting, to wear my favorite new dress and shoes :)
With him, I'd dance in the storm with my best dress fearless :) even though I don't know how to dance!
Such an awesome day. Really thank God for him
Continue to follow me on this blog!
Bye readers :)
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