A desire for a change

Dear readers

Its time for a BIGGER change! It's time to stop being the so called "normal" Shi Ting.
The girl who always laugh for no reason, a girl who wants to find pleasure in the sight of both men and God, even to the sins of the world...she'd gladly give in.

For all this time....all this while...
I'm struggling with my personal lusts and desires...
I couldn't let go of my feelings....to the point that I felt that I think I had put him first than God..
Its so obvious and I couldn't deny.

Everytime when I enter facebook...he'll be in my page.
Everytime I walked into the house of the Lord, I'll pretend to be okay...But I keep asking myself...Where is he? Did he come to church today? If not, I keep thinking why..
Everytime when I sat somewhere near him...
I got distracted...lost focus on the Lord.
Whenever I didn't get the attention I wanted,
I played sad songs on piano...unknowingly...


I've actually idiolised a man whom I think that he loves God without knowing whether is true a not..
( Because only God knows the hearts of all man and I will not know the true motives of the hearts of men. So I've got no right to say or to judge that he's someone who loves God.)

I'm not made to love a godly man more than God.
In fact, this is a TRAP! IT'S A BAD THING!
All this are nothing. Not of ANY ETERNAL VALUE!
ITS WORSE THAN ANYTHING ELSE FOR IT REMAINS IN MY HEART FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME!
The Lord will not be pleased and this might even provoke Him to anger.
The Lord knows my heart and identified this problem.
For this very reason, I desire to let him go a while ago.
But time passed, I was bored or restless...
Having many friends who have a beautiful romance...
I desire to have someone whom I like to be around with me..
I desire of someone that could bring the best out of me, like no one else can do. I wanted it so badly till I lost control of myself...always imagine if he is with me that kind of thing.

So here again, I want this to be a reminder for myself...
That there is no creature hidden from His sight,
but all things are NAKED and OPEN to the eyes of Him to whom WE MUST GIVE ACCOUNT. -Heb 4:13
There'll be judgment. Because sin brough chaos within the system, and it's going against the character of God. Thus, sin and evil must be atoned for.
So sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon me.
I definitely cannot bear the wrath of God and His judgments,
its too great for me to bear...too scary to think of it...I cannot give any reasonable account to Him.

So, I desire for a change...different from the world.
People changed looks to look more attractive, more pleasing to the eyes of men.
But as for me, I desire to change my heart, to be only pleasing unto eyes of the Lord.

Ask me why...
because He first loved me...and He never gives up loving me day by day.

Alright, back to some of the things that has occurred..
it's nothing happening actually. only that particular struggle that I'd mentioned bothers me a lot.
I wore a shoe that gave me blisters all over my foot. Its painful. But somehow, it doesn't feel that pain anymore. Its a shoe that my brother bought for me. So glad to know that he's sweet to me. Its really a great privileged. U know...its like the kind of feeling that some one whom doesn't seems to care suddenly became so thoughtful and nice..that kind of joy that I felt when my brother bought that pair of shoe for me :)

I felt so blessed to have so many friends contacting me recently...
Cared for me...
Their actions does let me feel so blessed :)
I can't hope for more but only to thank God for them.
I hope that I'll show more care and concern to them too. Be more selfless and more considerate.

Bye readers!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
my prayer through a song...

Father, I know that all my live
Is portioned our for me,
the changes that are sure to come
I do not fear to see;
I ask Thee for a quiet mind
Intent on pleasing Thee.

I ask Thee for a thoughtful love,
Through constant watching wise,
To meet the glad with joyful smiles,
To wipe the weeping eyes;
A heart at leisure from itself,
To soothe and sympathize.

I would not have the restless will
That hurries to and fro,
Seeking for some great thing to do
Or secret thing to know,
I would be treated as a child,
guided where I go.

I ask Thee for daily strength
To none that asks denied;
A mind to blend with outward life,
While keeping at Thy side;
Content to fill a little space,
If Thou be glorified.

Wherever in the world I am,
In whatsoever estate,
I have a fellowship with hearts
To keep and cultivate,
A work of lowly love to do
For Him on Whom I wait.

In service which Thy will appoints
There are no bonds for me;
My inmost heart is taught the Truth
That makes Thy children free;
A life of self-renouncing love
Is one of liberty.

Amen.