Yes, my hopes on him are vanished. Although the news didn't surprise me, but I was kinda disappointed. Or rather, it affected me greatly. I can't, but to say how much it pains me every single time..
Why do I always fall in love with those who doesn't love me? Who doesn't care about me? These characters and qualities always attracts me so much.
If only you knew I had been waiting to spend this Christmas with you since last Christmas, will it make a diff?
The answer is clearly no. It's always No.
All I can do, and can be...is to move on and still be your loyal friend. If you didn't know, I am always here for you. I missed you all the time.. Continually checking my phone, continually looking for new movies or nice restaurants/place/things/happenings to ask you out - Just continually longing to meet you (in desperation).
Since now you have found the girl whom you love, so be it. I will not hinder but will give you my utmost sincere blessings to both of you. Be loved by her. Embrace her. I hope she'll be able to love you more than I could ever give.
As for me, I really hope that I will be able to meet the One and Only man who truly loves me, and that I will be able to fall in love with one and Only. If he could actually appear to me when I turn 22. I will be more than amazed.
Hey readers, if you hadn't know.. I made a promise since I was young. To only be attached when I turnt 22. Cause I simply love the number 22. I hope by next year, this curse will be lifted from my life.. and I won't continue to be so unfortunate in love.
:)
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Time flew - Dreadful moment in progress
Hi readers!
It's been about 2 months! These two months I've spent it entirely on studying and working..and unfortunately, falling sick. My health has been deteriorating...Diagnosed with illiotibial band syndrome. This IT band syndrome is common in athletes. So I guess my job nature has made me an athlete - climbing up and down the stairs, walking briskly to get things done ASAP. Oh wells.
Relationship wise? Still very unfortunate. Nothing worth mentioning at all I guess. I don't know if I should really continue to go after him till he realised that I really like him, or should I just stop cause it seems like he is still clueless and have no intention or does not like me at all.
So during these two months, I've spared myself from getting all up about him by numbing my senses with books and more lecture notes. It seems like he really doesn't care about me cause when I stopped talking to him for more than a month, he doesn't even try to catch up with me. ZERO chats.
Surely this makes me more disappointed in relationship because this has proven that I am really VERY UNFORTUNATE in love matters.
Tomorrow is my final examination and after this, I hope that I can regain back my confidence. And hopefully still have the strength to continue my pursuit :)
COME WHAT MAY.
It's been about 2 months! These two months I've spent it entirely on studying and working..and unfortunately, falling sick. My health has been deteriorating...Diagnosed with illiotibial band syndrome. This IT band syndrome is common in athletes. So I guess my job nature has made me an athlete - climbing up and down the stairs, walking briskly to get things done ASAP. Oh wells.
Relationship wise? Still very unfortunate. Nothing worth mentioning at all I guess. I don't know if I should really continue to go after him till he realised that I really like him, or should I just stop cause it seems like he is still clueless and have no intention or does not like me at all.
So during these two months, I've spared myself from getting all up about him by numbing my senses with books and more lecture notes. It seems like he really doesn't care about me cause when I stopped talking to him for more than a month, he doesn't even try to catch up with me. ZERO chats.
Surely this makes me more disappointed in relationship because this has proven that I am really VERY UNFORTUNATE in love matters.
Tomorrow is my final examination and after this, I hope that I can regain back my confidence. And hopefully still have the strength to continue my pursuit :)
COME WHAT MAY.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
the most dreadful thing approaching
Dear readers
Studies/examinations/work/projects..these dreadful things will come shortly..ALTOGETHER.
Am I prepared? I asked myself. The heart and brain both said, "No". Well, I can't seems to grasp how difficult life would be if I were to study and work at the same time. The thought of staying in Sg for another 4-5 years just destroys all the hopes I had for traveling.
I seriously can't wait for uni life to stop; yep, it haven't even started. I can't wait for these hardships to stop. I mean I just wanted to relax and chill. Having the financial freedom to get the things I want..and that's a house...followed by a home. If I am able to achieve that right now, I can die in peace.
The thing is that I've been working too hard. I gave up a lot a lot of my youth to this job. I need a break, a complete break from all the things. Like what he did. He traveled to japan alone. Do what he wants to do, go where he wants to go, that luxury of freedom, I can't seems to comprehend. Happiness seems to be long gone when I dwell in those thoughts of covet.
Yet though I felt unjust and resentful most of the times, He never fails to show His blessings. In my life, though I had many things that I didn't have like most of my friends do...but He blessed me with lots of good friends. I can't helped but to feel so loved by my friends. Tiffany, who is now gone to europe, has been the best company at all times. Her messages, her presence, her encouragement and empathy, really really made me feel that there's someone out there who cherished me, and truly cares for me.
Another friend happened to be a guy. I can't helped but to feel that he's everything to me. He certainly cares for me and was really helpful. I felt so happy and free when we head out to supper. This guy is really so nice. But yeah, I still didn't had that sort of feelings for him. Merely friends. sometimes I wished that he was somebody I like. This week, he's going to leave Sg to pursue his deg in Germany. I wanna wish him best of luck and continue to stay happy :)
Almost all of my beloved friends who can meet me up during the week are going overseas. I can't helped but to feel disappointed..and lousy. I hope, they'll keep me in their hearts. Today Kenneth jokingly said that it's kinda hard for people to forget me. Hahha I'm probably one of the most retarded girl in the world.
This month is my birthday month. I'm glad that I get to meet up with the peeps I didn't get to meet up with for months. And thats Kimmy, Nigel and Marcus.
After meeting marcus, I happened to bumped to Ryshi. He became even much more slimmer! but still, as entertaining as ever. :)
I'm blessed with friends afterall. Really glad that I've at least these people to make my life much more interesting.
Thank God, I hope you won't take my friends away. I want them to stay with me :)
Studies/examinations/work/projects..these dreadful things will come shortly..ALTOGETHER.
Am I prepared? I asked myself. The heart and brain both said, "No". Well, I can't seems to grasp how difficult life would be if I were to study and work at the same time. The thought of staying in Sg for another 4-5 years just destroys all the hopes I had for traveling.
I seriously can't wait for uni life to stop; yep, it haven't even started. I can't wait for these hardships to stop. I mean I just wanted to relax and chill. Having the financial freedom to get the things I want..and that's a house...followed by a home. If I am able to achieve that right now, I can die in peace.
The thing is that I've been working too hard. I gave up a lot a lot of my youth to this job. I need a break, a complete break from all the things. Like what he did. He traveled to japan alone. Do what he wants to do, go where he wants to go, that luxury of freedom, I can't seems to comprehend. Happiness seems to be long gone when I dwell in those thoughts of covet.
Yet though I felt unjust and resentful most of the times, He never fails to show His blessings. In my life, though I had many things that I didn't have like most of my friends do...but He blessed me with lots of good friends. I can't helped but to feel so loved by my friends. Tiffany, who is now gone to europe, has been the best company at all times. Her messages, her presence, her encouragement and empathy, really really made me feel that there's someone out there who cherished me, and truly cares for me.
Another friend happened to be a guy. I can't helped but to feel that he's everything to me. He certainly cares for me and was really helpful. I felt so happy and free when we head out to supper. This guy is really so nice. But yeah, I still didn't had that sort of feelings for him. Merely friends. sometimes I wished that he was somebody I like. This week, he's going to leave Sg to pursue his deg in Germany. I wanna wish him best of luck and continue to stay happy :)
Almost all of my beloved friends who can meet me up during the week are going overseas. I can't helped but to feel disappointed..and lousy. I hope, they'll keep me in their hearts. Today Kenneth jokingly said that it's kinda hard for people to forget me. Hahha I'm probably one of the most retarded girl in the world.
This month is my birthday month. I'm glad that I get to meet up with the peeps I didn't get to meet up with for months. And thats Kimmy, Nigel and Marcus.
After meeting marcus, I happened to bumped to Ryshi. He became even much more slimmer! but still, as entertaining as ever. :)
I'm blessed with friends afterall. Really glad that I've at least these people to make my life much more interesting.
Thank God, I hope you won't take my friends away. I want them to stay with me :)
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Something that came along while I was surfing the net
I don't say that it's true for everybody. but this author went through the same thoughts and the "what-she-would-do".
This is quoted from the thought catalogue by
"Of course there are other things I am super awkward about – like when a guy I am attracted to is near me. I can usually barely form the words, “Hello” or I play the eye-game where I stare until he looks in my direction and of course when he does, I’ll look away. Or I try to act like a super impressive human being which in my head often involves raising my voice and talking about something interesting. And I’ll be lucky if the whole ordeal doesn’t pass without me tripping over something. All of this only happens if I decide to stay within the same vicinity rather than run away; because in my head it is absolutely normal to run from being around someone you find attractive."
This is quoted from the thought catalogue by
"Of course there are other things I am super awkward about – like when a guy I am attracted to is near me. I can usually barely form the words, “Hello” or I play the eye-game where I stare until he looks in my direction and of course when he does, I’ll look away. Or I try to act like a super impressive human being which in my head often involves raising my voice and talking about something interesting. And I’ll be lucky if the whole ordeal doesn’t pass without me tripping over something. All of this only happens if I decide to stay within the same vicinity rather than run away; because in my head it is absolutely normal to run from being around someone you find attractive."
Sunday, June 30, 2013
My life mission statement
Mission Statement: Strive for excellence and make a difference while doing it with love because love endureth.
What is life when all we do is chasing after an illusive dream which would eventually fade away?
Therefore,
To God, I'll fear and obey.
To my beloved family and friends, I'll embrace them with love and care,
To the community, I'll make a difference and entrust them to the care of the Lord,
To my dear employer, I'll strive for excellence,
And finally to my one and only true love, I'll cherish you, love you more than I love myself (but of course you have to exist, cause right now, I ain't have any)
PS: WHEN I DIE, I want my tombstone to install free WiFi, so that other people will visit me more often :))
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
If you ask me if I love him, I'd lie
I do believe that boys play games and a man doesn't.
I do believe he's still a boy, not a man yet. Neither I have grown to be a woman yet.
Not seasoned, and I definitely agree that he's doing the least to get the most attraction and attention.
I've been attracted so much to this kinda type of guys. Care less, don't bother and just faking smiles to get it through. I've been so hooked up by his minimal interest in me.. I just wonder if this has ever crossed his mind.
I could only say, I am still waiting.
I do believe he's still a boy, not a man yet. Neither I have grown to be a woman yet.
Not seasoned, and I definitely agree that he's doing the least to get the most attraction and attention.
I've been attracted so much to this kinda type of guys. Care less, don't bother and just faking smiles to get it through. I've been so hooked up by his minimal interest in me.. I just wonder if this has ever crossed his mind.
I could only say, I am still waiting.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
perplexed - confused - bewildered
Hello readers
It doesn't seems to end after the DnD..
In fact two days after the DnD, we met up.
There, the forgetful dude forgot to bring the tickets.
Initially I thought he was kidding. BUT, IT WAS TRUE!
HE DIDN'T KID ME. I was secretly hoping that he was joking, but it really turns out to be true.
Another blessing in disguise I guess.. get to go catch a movie with him for the first time.
It was damm awkward to watch a movie that has intimacy scenes. The peeps in the movie theater were mostly couples and to go out with him as a friend, it's just weird. Not only watching movie..even dining out and walking around the shopping malls...are just a couple thing. It's pretty awkward. ANDDDD, I had such a headache to decide on a movie to watch..so many movies on sex and love. I just wanna watch action movie with him so it wouldn't get awkward. BUT, HE WATCHED SO MANY MOVIES ALREADY.
I really love both the DnD and the movie date. I mean, its the first time I felt that he treats me like a lady. He pulled the chair for me during DnD and did a great job as a partner. He was a funny and lil sweet dude that day. Although he merely commented that the fairy lady looks good, I just wanna disturb him. HAHA, he got sabotaged by me. Made him took a pic with the fairy lady that he thinks is pretty. :P He chats with me and laughs. Accompanied me and show me the way to the washroom. He did a great job :) The disappointing part was I didn't get to enchant him. I was really hoping that we could have a heart to heart talk during that evening..but I just let it passed. Sighs, I was all out for him that day..but I just couldn't take down my pride and put on courage to approach. I wasn't confident..he seems to treat me like a friend, with no exact interest shown.. So therefore I..I just didn't dare to confess. Anw, besides the food and games..the most exciting part was the lucky draw!!! Although I missed the lumix camera by one digit, I ended up getting the 14th place. I tot the prizes are the same for all 350 winners..BUT, it turns out that the 11th-16th winners got ipad mini! Woohoo, it's my first time that I've gotten such a good lucky prize ever :D He's my lucky star. I got lucky!
I felt really blessed these days.. Although the emotional part wasn't really well recovered, but everything in my life was made brighter when he's there with me. Not only I have off days to look forward to, I get to enjoy myself pretty much. Take a breather...relax, enjoy good scenery, good food and bioh-ing at hot girls!! haha! I really treasure and cherish those moments..I can't believe that tears are starting to well up in my eyes. After all the DOWNs, these are certainly the UPs. I really don't want these moments to pass me by.
Anw, I love the movie date was because, he was kind enough to carry my stuffs..AND...IT'S THE FIRST TIME I HEARD HIM APOLOGISED.
He said he was sorry for today. I should have punished him by making him to play badminton with me when I want to. HaHa. But I just replied that he's forgiven. How easy for him..
Finally after the movie date, we started to meet up agn for the flower dome!!! I was so excited! I imagined all the things we can do that day and....it turns out to be the predictable kind. :( I didn't manage to do a good job there I guess. ah well, we had a long walk to the flyer. Its agn...awkward..cause it turns out that there are sooo many couples and couples everywhere. ALL THE WAY FROM THE MRT STATION > DRAGONFLY BRIDGE > FLOWER DOME > OUTSIDE FLOWER DOME > DNA HELIX > FLYER. SOOOOO MANY COUPLES. Danggg.
Its too romantic alrdy. I don't likey cos he's not my bf bf bf!!!!
I suddenly got this idea in my head. cos I typed to fast and bf turns out to be fb. Fb was the "THING" for both of us..How we chat and met and sparks flew instantly. If I'd confess...I would say this, "Why I fb chat you because I want you to be the opposite of fb..which is bf." GOOD IDEA? hahaha
Anw, I jio-ed him out agn the next day for badminton. He SHOWED UP! He didn't go on MC DATE! I'm starting to believe the things that he said. I was thinking to myself why would he lie to me? I was quite taken aback when I saw SJ's profile pic. She definitely looks gorgeous and flirty. That flirtatious dress that allows her to showcase her asserts. Surely he'd drool.. He told me that he couldn't make it on wednesday..and that was the day she uploaded the picture. I tot surely he must have met her..and prolly took that pic of her.. It was only today that I realized he's not the one who took that pic of her and he prolly didn't meet her that day. Cos the photo credit was another guy which isn't his friend. I shouldn't have worried much..I should have just ask him about things I'm unsure of isn't it? Isn't that more straightforward? Well, I guess I wasn't sure of how I really felt about him. So many times, my heart says he's the right one. But there are times when I think about it, my heart says he's not the right one. I'm really confused.
WILL THERE BE A SIGN? What about this...If he's interested in me, thats the sign. If theres no signs of interest, let him go, but before letting him go, tell him how I felt about him and den let him go. cause I don't wanna have any more regrets.
Anw, the badminton date was fun. I guess I scare the shit out of him by being so rough and violent. I'm definitely a gangster to him today :/ OH WELLs.
It doesn't seems to end after the DnD..
In fact two days after the DnD, we met up.
There, the forgetful dude forgot to bring the tickets.
Initially I thought he was kidding. BUT, IT WAS TRUE!
HE DIDN'T KID ME. I was secretly hoping that he was joking, but it really turns out to be true.
Another blessing in disguise I guess.. get to go catch a movie with him for the first time.
It was damm awkward to watch a movie that has intimacy scenes. The peeps in the movie theater were mostly couples and to go out with him as a friend, it's just weird. Not only watching movie..even dining out and walking around the shopping malls...are just a couple thing. It's pretty awkward. ANDDDD, I had such a headache to decide on a movie to watch..so many movies on sex and love. I just wanna watch action movie with him so it wouldn't get awkward. BUT, HE WATCHED SO MANY MOVIES ALREADY.
I really love both the DnD and the movie date. I mean, its the first time I felt that he treats me like a lady. He pulled the chair for me during DnD and did a great job as a partner. He was a funny and lil sweet dude that day. Although he merely commented that the fairy lady looks good, I just wanna disturb him. HAHA, he got sabotaged by me. Made him took a pic with the fairy lady that he thinks is pretty. :P He chats with me and laughs. Accompanied me and show me the way to the washroom. He did a great job :) The disappointing part was I didn't get to enchant him. I was really hoping that we could have a heart to heart talk during that evening..but I just let it passed. Sighs, I was all out for him that day..but I just couldn't take down my pride and put on courage to approach. I wasn't confident..he seems to treat me like a friend, with no exact interest shown.. So therefore I..I just didn't dare to confess. Anw, besides the food and games..the most exciting part was the lucky draw!!! Although I missed the lumix camera by one digit, I ended up getting the 14th place. I tot the prizes are the same for all 350 winners..BUT, it turns out that the 11th-16th winners got ipad mini! Woohoo, it's my first time that I've gotten such a good lucky prize ever :D He's my lucky star. I got lucky!
I felt really blessed these days.. Although the emotional part wasn't really well recovered, but everything in my life was made brighter when he's there with me. Not only I have off days to look forward to, I get to enjoy myself pretty much. Take a breather...relax, enjoy good scenery, good food and bioh-ing at hot girls!! haha! I really treasure and cherish those moments..I can't believe that tears are starting to well up in my eyes. After all the DOWNs, these are certainly the UPs. I really don't want these moments to pass me by.
Anw, I love the movie date was because, he was kind enough to carry my stuffs..AND...IT'S THE FIRST TIME I HEARD HIM APOLOGISED.
He said he was sorry for today. I should have punished him by making him to play badminton with me when I want to. HaHa. But I just replied that he's forgiven. How easy for him..
Finally after the movie date, we started to meet up agn for the flower dome!!! I was so excited! I imagined all the things we can do that day and....it turns out to be the predictable kind. :( I didn't manage to do a good job there I guess. ah well, we had a long walk to the flyer. Its agn...awkward..cause it turns out that there are sooo many couples and couples everywhere. ALL THE WAY FROM THE MRT STATION > DRAGONFLY BRIDGE > FLOWER DOME > OUTSIDE FLOWER DOME > DNA HELIX > FLYER. SOOOOO MANY COUPLES. Danggg.
Its too romantic alrdy. I don't likey cos he's not my bf bf bf!!!!
I suddenly got this idea in my head. cos I typed to fast and bf turns out to be fb. Fb was the "THING" for both of us..How we chat and met and sparks flew instantly. If I'd confess...I would say this, "Why I fb chat you because I want you to be the opposite of fb..which is bf." GOOD IDEA? hahaha
Anw, I jio-ed him out agn the next day for badminton. He SHOWED UP! He didn't go on MC DATE! I'm starting to believe the things that he said. I was thinking to myself why would he lie to me? I was quite taken aback when I saw SJ's profile pic. She definitely looks gorgeous and flirty. That flirtatious dress that allows her to showcase her asserts. Surely he'd drool.. He told me that he couldn't make it on wednesday..and that was the day she uploaded the picture. I tot surely he must have met her..and prolly took that pic of her.. It was only today that I realized he's not the one who took that pic of her and he prolly didn't meet her that day. Cos the photo credit was another guy which isn't his friend. I shouldn't have worried much..I should have just ask him about things I'm unsure of isn't it? Isn't that more straightforward? Well, I guess I wasn't sure of how I really felt about him. So many times, my heart says he's the right one. But there are times when I think about it, my heart says he's not the right one. I'm really confused.
WILL THERE BE A SIGN? What about this...If he's interested in me, thats the sign. If theres no signs of interest, let him go, but before letting him go, tell him how I felt about him and den let him go. cause I don't wanna have any more regrets.
Anw, the badminton date was fun. I guess I scare the shit out of him by being so rough and violent. I'm definitely a gangster to him today :/ OH WELLs.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Yearning
Yes, we all yearned for love and to be loved.
When I walked the streets of upper thomson road and chilled out at ice cream parlors, I can't help but to notice the couples that bypassed me. Such public display of affection does makes me yearn for love much more. I can't helped but to miss and imagine how great it would be if you were mine. If we can be together and do things which we both love to do, it'd add much colors and flavors in my life. The thought keeps me excited yet disappointed. It's a mixed feeling. Maybe I've been too greedy. Maybe my mind is just too occupied with you. I know I'm just a friend to you. You won't even be close to miss me. But I really, really want you to know that I really wish you were mine. I really want to be with you. Because I loved you from the very first day.
Yearning to have our own song and story.
When I walked the streets of upper thomson road and chilled out at ice cream parlors, I can't help but to notice the couples that bypassed me. Such public display of affection does makes me yearn for love much more. I can't helped but to miss and imagine how great it would be if you were mine. If we can be together and do things which we both love to do, it'd add much colors and flavors in my life. The thought keeps me excited yet disappointed. It's a mixed feeling. Maybe I've been too greedy. Maybe my mind is just too occupied with you. I know I'm just a friend to you. You won't even be close to miss me. But I really, really want you to know that I really wish you were mine. I really want to be with you. Because I loved you from the very first day.
Yearning to have our own song and story.
Store your treasures in heaven
What has the world make us to become?
Money minded. Haters of Christ. Lovers of wealth and pursuers of charm and power.
We ought to keep this in mind. That money can't secure and grow treasures in heaven. When you die, nothing else will follow you except your soul. And so where does this soul goes to? Home for the soul?
It's Heaven. Heaven is a place where you'll meet your Creator. You'll be reconciled to the One who loves you and created you. But in order to get to this home, you'll have to believe that Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one (not baptism, not money, not good works etc) can go to the Father, except CHRIST. He is the ONLY way. To put it bluntly, He's the ticket to heaven. You just gotta believe that He's the only ticket and possess this ticket in order to enter the gates of Heaven.
So what are these treasures in heaven? In heaven, we'll receive treasures like crowns. There are many different crowns we can receive when we obey what our Creator has to say. There's crown of righteousness and etc. Storing these crowns and treasures and last for eternity. So lets be wise, lets store these treasures and stop deluding ourselves with all sort of earthly treasures that we can't keep it for long.
What matters most is your soul. Do not believe that it'll varnish away once you die. It wouldn't happen. That brings us back to suicide. Suicide will not solve any issues, it'd only create MORE PROBLEMS.
Let's take a step back and ponder about this issue. You'll discover you'll do things greater than being the greatest and most influential guy in the world.
-Meditate. Ponder. Think-
Money minded. Haters of Christ. Lovers of wealth and pursuers of charm and power.
We ought to keep this in mind. That money can't secure and grow treasures in heaven. When you die, nothing else will follow you except your soul. And so where does this soul goes to? Home for the soul?
It's Heaven. Heaven is a place where you'll meet your Creator. You'll be reconciled to the One who loves you and created you. But in order to get to this home, you'll have to believe that Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one (not baptism, not money, not good works etc) can go to the Father, except CHRIST. He is the ONLY way. To put it bluntly, He's the ticket to heaven. You just gotta believe that He's the only ticket and possess this ticket in order to enter the gates of Heaven.
So what are these treasures in heaven? In heaven, we'll receive treasures like crowns. There are many different crowns we can receive when we obey what our Creator has to say. There's crown of righteousness and etc. Storing these crowns and treasures and last for eternity. So lets be wise, lets store these treasures and stop deluding ourselves with all sort of earthly treasures that we can't keep it for long.
What matters most is your soul. Do not believe that it'll varnish away once you die. It wouldn't happen. That brings us back to suicide. Suicide will not solve any issues, it'd only create MORE PROBLEMS.
Let's take a step back and ponder about this issue. You'll discover you'll do things greater than being the greatest and most influential guy in the world.
-Meditate. Ponder. Think-
what makes a day counts?
What makes a day counts?
It's not about spending it with the most awesome people that I've ever hang out with, or doing things that you think it's cool. It's about getting out of your comfort zone and accomplish tasks that was all set up by the Almighty one. It could be as simple as lending a helping hand to the needy by buying 5 packs of tissue, taking a flyer from the distributor, giving up seats to the needy, helping your fellow neighbors to hold the lift, comfort and encourage your peers and etc. Because sometimes the little things can mend the biggest wound.
A day can count even when you're alone.
It's also about having the inner peace. To achieve that, you need to fulfill your own responsibilities. Be it as a child of God, of your parents or being an employee of your company. Not worrying about the things you can't change, but casting the worries to the Almighty, trusting that He's able.
Its also about committing to the day to the Almighty and thanking Him for the people, the job and the food that He has provided.
Many times in our life, we tend to rush, having selfish ambitions and thoughts that distorts our mind. As the way we behave characterizes our thoughts, people witness and judge who we are. If we keep on chasing after the illusive dreams, aren't we just a dreamer? A unsatisfied dreamer? So let's put off selfishness and adorn ourselves with the fruits of the Spirit - Kindness, gentleness, goodness etc. You'll be surprised that by doing so, you'll be satisfied and be contented - Achieving the inner peace and contentment.
It's so important to make a day count. It's so important not to waste a single day. It's just so important how each day means to us especially when you discover that there's some unfortunate people in our midst doesn't even have a day to spend.
Cherish, be strong, press on to the finishing line and make your life worth the living just because He lives.
It's not about spending it with the most awesome people that I've ever hang out with, or doing things that you think it's cool. It's about getting out of your comfort zone and accomplish tasks that was all set up by the Almighty one. It could be as simple as lending a helping hand to the needy by buying 5 packs of tissue, taking a flyer from the distributor, giving up seats to the needy, helping your fellow neighbors to hold the lift, comfort and encourage your peers and etc. Because sometimes the little things can mend the biggest wound.
A day can count even when you're alone.
It's also about having the inner peace. To achieve that, you need to fulfill your own responsibilities. Be it as a child of God, of your parents or being an employee of your company. Not worrying about the things you can't change, but casting the worries to the Almighty, trusting that He's able.
Its also about committing to the day to the Almighty and thanking Him for the people, the job and the food that He has provided.
Many times in our life, we tend to rush, having selfish ambitions and thoughts that distorts our mind. As the way we behave characterizes our thoughts, people witness and judge who we are. If we keep on chasing after the illusive dreams, aren't we just a dreamer? A unsatisfied dreamer? So let's put off selfishness and adorn ourselves with the fruits of the Spirit - Kindness, gentleness, goodness etc. You'll be surprised that by doing so, you'll be satisfied and be contented - Achieving the inner peace and contentment.
It's so important to make a day count. It's so important not to waste a single day. It's just so important how each day means to us especially when you discover that there's some unfortunate people in our midst doesn't even have a day to spend.
Cherish, be strong, press on to the finishing line and make your life worth the living just because He lives.
back to where I am
The pleasures that I've found, didn't satisfy.
It leaves me just as wanting as before I sought.
It leaves me just as wanting as before I sought.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
I'm getting tired
I'm getting tired. It's not going anywhere. I somehow knows that he's not the one. But why do I feel so empty? Im really hoping to see that somehow it'll turns out right. But it's all my wishful thinking. I don't know if hes speaking the truth. I'm so worried abt him, abt his back pain. But why do I feel as though he's trying to give excuses? Prolly this isn't the first time. I'm tired of asking him out. I really do. Perhaps after the DnD, I'll just go cold turkey on him and nvr meet him agn.
Trolling at Chinatown
Yes readers, in the end my courage spurred. I've managed to have a second date! Congrats? Well, u don't say.
It was pleasant to be there earlier den him. Get to look at myself n brush up a little. It was disappointing that I didn't bumped to him in the train since we're taking the same route to our fav place. I still have to walk around and hunt for him.
Oh wells, it's a super hot and sunny day. We started off walking to the wrong direction. The whole day I kept making him walked to the wrong place. HAHA actually it's a blessing in disguise. I can spend more with him this way.
The beef noodles wasn't up to his expectation. So he was rather disappointed. I seriously felt that it was nice when I had it first with my parents. I can't helped but to rmb his eyes staring at me while I was muttering school stuffs away. THAT LOOK, stayed in my mind till now.
I should give him eye contact too. Guess I've been avoid eye contact too much. Perhaps I'm afraid that if he saw what I see, he can tell it all.
We walked along the streets of Chinatown, heading towards ah balling. He was keen on getting me a learning chopsticks. Well cos he found out that I didn't hold the chopsticks correctly and ya. Angry bird learning chopstick was cute. I said no when he asked, but I was hoping he will just buy it. Haha. Anw i think he tot that the learning chopsticks are overpriced. Nvm, I am such a complicated girl. Since when did I became liddat? Anw, he saw a head massager and asked me to come closer to him. I was like giving the what-are-u-trying-to-do look? Anw he just use that head massager to massage my tiny brainless head. It was so shiok! Haha den he saw some nice pocket watch and asked for the price. Heres the trolling part - the lady said its 18bucks. He said it was ex. Den she asked how much does he wants? Name a price. He said 5bucks!!!!!! What the shit hahahaha. The lady's face turnt black like thunderstorm heh!!! Lol!!!!
At Ahballing- There, I was a bull in a china shop - spilled some peanut soup on my bag and he goes, "aiyohhh..." (think he mentioned useless too). He spotted a girl wearing an M&M shirt and said that the shirt was screwed up. Well, it said something like Only I can satisfy your pleasure. It sounds really wrong haha
We became quiet. And there was many pauses of awkward silences. I was hoping that I can say something, but I'm super duper mega afraid. So I didn't say anything and he tried to hurry me to quickly finish my bowl of dessert.
We went hunting for my diamond eggtarts. And I made him walked the whole street to find that stupid shop. In the end I got the place wrong. Instead of heading left, we shld have headed right. So there agn, a blessing in disguise. I get to know where's the place he does his spects. :) he tried to reveal more stuffs abt himself.. But the whole day I felt that I'm so quiet agn.
Well, it ended that both of us took different direction. I was a bit upset that he wasn't interested to know more about me and my past. But I guess he must have felt why I don't look like I care abt his past too. I don't know how to break this wall or ice between us. It's not getting anywhere.
He's not what I wanted isn't it? Is he? Is he not?
It was pleasant to be there earlier den him. Get to look at myself n brush up a little. It was disappointing that I didn't bumped to him in the train since we're taking the same route to our fav place. I still have to walk around and hunt for him.
Oh wells, it's a super hot and sunny day. We started off walking to the wrong direction. The whole day I kept making him walked to the wrong place. HAHA actually it's a blessing in disguise. I can spend more with him this way.
The beef noodles wasn't up to his expectation. So he was rather disappointed. I seriously felt that it was nice when I had it first with my parents. I can't helped but to rmb his eyes staring at me while I was muttering school stuffs away. THAT LOOK, stayed in my mind till now.
I should give him eye contact too. Guess I've been avoid eye contact too much. Perhaps I'm afraid that if he saw what I see, he can tell it all.
We walked along the streets of Chinatown, heading towards ah balling. He was keen on getting me a learning chopsticks. Well cos he found out that I didn't hold the chopsticks correctly and ya. Angry bird learning chopstick was cute. I said no when he asked, but I was hoping he will just buy it. Haha. Anw i think he tot that the learning chopsticks are overpriced. Nvm, I am such a complicated girl. Since when did I became liddat? Anw, he saw a head massager and asked me to come closer to him. I was like giving the what-are-u-trying-to-do look? Anw he just use that head massager to massage my tiny brainless head. It was so shiok! Haha den he saw some nice pocket watch and asked for the price. Heres the trolling part - the lady said its 18bucks. He said it was ex. Den she asked how much does he wants? Name a price. He said 5bucks!!!!!! What the shit hahahaha. The lady's face turnt black like thunderstorm heh!!! Lol!!!!
At Ahballing- There, I was a bull in a china shop - spilled some peanut soup on my bag and he goes, "aiyohhh..." (think he mentioned useless too). He spotted a girl wearing an M&M shirt and said that the shirt was screwed up. Well, it said something like Only I can satisfy your pleasure. It sounds really wrong haha
We became quiet. And there was many pauses of awkward silences. I was hoping that I can say something, but I'm super duper mega afraid. So I didn't say anything and he tried to hurry me to quickly finish my bowl of dessert.
We went hunting for my diamond eggtarts. And I made him walked the whole street to find that stupid shop. In the end I got the place wrong. Instead of heading left, we shld have headed right. So there agn, a blessing in disguise. I get to know where's the place he does his spects. :) he tried to reveal more stuffs abt himself.. But the whole day I felt that I'm so quiet agn.
Well, it ended that both of us took different direction. I was a bit upset that he wasn't interested to know more about me and my past. But I guess he must have felt why I don't look like I care abt his past too. I don't know how to break this wall or ice between us. It's not getting anywhere.
He's not what I wanted isn't it? Is he? Is he not?
Monday, February 25, 2013
the FB chat ups and downs with him
And so I wonder if you knew, when u sent me messages, my eyes would be wide opened even if it's 3AM at night.
And I also wonder if my text made you laugh hard :)
I'll go.. "Oh, its okay."
what happened?
On 24 Feb 13, I've decided to send a sarcastic text to him for not replying my text for almost a week.
He realized that I was angry. I'm like...hate fighting or being angry with him..
And I really wish he knew the reason why I stopped texting him for that whole of 6 days.
= cold turkey mood "ON"=
He realized that I was angry. I'm like...hate fighting or being angry with him..
And I really wish he knew the reason why I stopped texting him for that whole of 6 days.
= cold turkey mood "ON"=
I wonder if you knew
I miss you so much. I'm missing your voice, your smile, missing what could have been, but most of all MISSING YOU.
I can't help, nor can I stop thinking about you.
Your absence, your distant and your coldness, breaks and tore my heart.
I felt so lousy. I thought I could never feel so weak because I've experienced the worse.
It creeps me...that the worse is yet to come.
I feel like I'm digging my own grave.
Telling myself that I can do it. Trust that I believe in myself. That's that stupidest thing ever.
I thought I could gain your attention and slowly win your love.
I thought I can manage through studies and work.
But the fear creeps through my mind...
The lyrics of the song came into my mind..
I can always relate Taylor's song to my life story.
To Taylor: You played a great part in life's journey. The songs you wrote and sang, touches every part of my memories. Like the song You belong with me, I can relate it when I'm always standing by his side, yet he failed to realized that I'm the one. Like the song Haunted, I kept singing "C'mon, C'mon! don't leave me like this. I thought I had you figured it out..Something's gone terribly wrong..You're all I wanted!..." in my mind when he's going to leave Sg. And when he's overseas, I kept singing the song superman.."And I watched superman fly away, come back I'll be with you someday. I'll be right here on the ground..Till you come back down." I also sang enchanted, because I like the phrase that goes "Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting on you." When he's back in Sg, everything that I hope that it wouldn't happen, happened. That's when I kept singing white horse.."that I'm not your princess, this isn't a fairytale. I'm not the one who you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell..this isn't hollywood, this is a small town. I was a dreamer."
Now I've moved on..and this new "him"...
He's like the guy Taylor sings in I Knew You Were Trouble.
Although he's not a chao ah beng..but he's couldn't care less attitude..The mean guy..yet is able to smile like an angel. I mean how? Totally fits in to the song.
Where it says,
"I guess you didn't care
And I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard
You took a step back
Without me, without me, without me"
And
"When your saddest fear comes creeping in
That you never loved me or her or anyone or anything."
So now I'm really lying on the cold hard ground..I really am.
Please tell me that you rmb our date and that you rmb what you've agreed on.
Please tell me that you aren't having a fling with another girl.
Please let that sweet dream that I dreamt of come true.
I felt so lovestrucked in the dream.
In the dream, you love me. You gave me a box of gifts that you made.
A handicraft photoframe magnet. The bottle caps you collected that mean something between us. A imitation of a branded Agnes B red glossy wallet.
Your presence in my church and admiration when I played the piano. That playful smile and message that I dreamt you've sent.
It's all so wonderful. I really hope this can be true.
I missed you more than ever after the dream. You said, "can you not dream of me?" I can only reply in my head...that I wish I wouldn't have to. Because dreaming of you makes me yearn for love more. It makes me wanna own you. And because I couldn't, it hurts. Really hurts.
So please...may the sweet dream end. May reality be sweet.
I can't deny that I'm actually waiting for you. I AM WAITING.
Please don't keep me waiting. Please, tell me that you care.
Yeah, I'm single because I'm waiting for this amazing person to enter into my life. So really, please don't keep me waiting Mr broccoli.
I can't help, nor can I stop thinking about you.
Your absence, your distant and your coldness, breaks and tore my heart.
I felt so lousy. I thought I could never feel so weak because I've experienced the worse.
It creeps me...that the worse is yet to come.
I feel like I'm digging my own grave.
Telling myself that I can do it. Trust that I believe in myself. That's that stupidest thing ever.
I thought I could gain your attention and slowly win your love.
I thought I can manage through studies and work.
But the fear creeps through my mind...
The lyrics of the song came into my mind..
I can always relate Taylor's song to my life story.
To Taylor: You played a great part in life's journey. The songs you wrote and sang, touches every part of my memories. Like the song You belong with me, I can relate it when I'm always standing by his side, yet he failed to realized that I'm the one. Like the song Haunted, I kept singing "C'mon, C'mon! don't leave me like this. I thought I had you figured it out..Something's gone terribly wrong..You're all I wanted!..." in my mind when he's going to leave Sg. And when he's overseas, I kept singing the song superman.."And I watched superman fly away, come back I'll be with you someday. I'll be right here on the ground..Till you come back down." I also sang enchanted, because I like the phrase that goes "Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting on you." When he's back in Sg, everything that I hope that it wouldn't happen, happened. That's when I kept singing white horse.."that I'm not your princess, this isn't a fairytale. I'm not the one who you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell..this isn't hollywood, this is a small town. I was a dreamer."
Now I've moved on..and this new "him"...
He's like the guy Taylor sings in I Knew You Were Trouble.
Although he's not a chao ah beng..but he's couldn't care less attitude..The mean guy..yet is able to smile like an angel. I mean how? Totally fits in to the song.
Where it says,
"I guess you didn't care
And I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard
You took a step back
Without me, without me, without me"
And
"When your saddest fear comes creeping in
That you never loved me or her or anyone or anything."
So now I'm really lying on the cold hard ground..I really am.
Please tell me that you rmb our date and that you rmb what you've agreed on.
Please tell me that you aren't having a fling with another girl.
Please let that sweet dream that I dreamt of come true.
I felt so lovestrucked in the dream.
In the dream, you love me. You gave me a box of gifts that you made.
A handicraft photoframe magnet. The bottle caps you collected that mean something between us. A imitation of a branded Agnes B red glossy wallet.
Your presence in my church and admiration when I played the piano. That playful smile and message that I dreamt you've sent.
It's all so wonderful. I really hope this can be true.
I missed you more than ever after the dream. You said, "can you not dream of me?" I can only reply in my head...that I wish I wouldn't have to. Because dreaming of you makes me yearn for love more. It makes me wanna own you. And because I couldn't, it hurts. Really hurts.
So please...may the sweet dream end. May reality be sweet.
I can't deny that I'm actually waiting for you. I AM WAITING.
Please don't keep me waiting. Please, tell me that you care.
Yeah, I'm single because I'm waiting for this amazing person to enter into my life. So really, please don't keep me waiting Mr broccoli.
Monday, January 28, 2013
To go for it or not to?
Decisions. Sometimes it's the most brain racking part when it comes to making a wise decison.
I can't pretend that I won't see it coming. Neither can I pretend that I don't see the signs that were made obvious to me.
This is the real challenge, a real test of faith and obedience set by the most high and mighty One.
I've tried so hard to sastify the thrist of love and romance by soughting him.. I've imagined the things we can do, show it off to my dear friends and suitors that it's time to give up and for them to move on cos I've found someone much better.
I can't deny the fact that I sort of know he's not the one I'm looking for. But I wanna give it a chance to grow. But by doing so, I'm putting myself in the risk of falling in love till I'm out of control.
I've once told Kim abt the level of love. It's like a multi layered ball..
The outer most layer defines my liking for a guy due to the outward qualities of a guy which meets my kind of standard. He must be at least taller den me, tan (which is dam important - cos it means that the guy always heads ouGtdoor. And cos I'm rather tan, so it'll be such a disgrace to stand beside someone who has better complexion and fairer den me), capable and smart - from good schs, good looking or appears cute at least to me, bonus: police background and able to cook.
This kind of liking is just superficial. It keeps my mind entertained with the thoughts of the person as and when. I may also imagine the stuffs we can do together and look for opportunities to further. I might even go and do something special to the person and have a very different approach to him. Cos he's considered in my dating option list. Eye candies are most likely to enter this stage.
The next layer - the middle layer defines my liking to that person to the point where I'd miss him so much and would try to keep in contact with him or appears whenever I know he'd be there too. I would cyber "stalk" to find out all the details and info I need to know abt him. I would even try talking to his circle of friends and make friends with them. I would try to even ask him out on one to one date because I'm just too attached to him mentally. He's in my heart and that's loving and no longer like. Sacrifices could be made unconsciously. Level of commitment becomes high. But will still give chances to those who are still in the dating option because things doesn't go well or didn't seem right.
One must possessed certain qualities and character in order for me to reach this layer. For e.g: interesting, funny, cool, charming, charitable, decisive and enchanting. That's the guy I've been hitting on lately. How soon he has alrdy reached this layer.
The core of layer / the innermost layer is the I-will-Ydie-for-Him and will make HUGEsacrifices
This is the most critical part. It suggest that that person I'm in love with has the potential to be my further partner and is my Mr Right. I cannot go wrong with him because I know whatever he possessed is all that I need and all I ever wanted. He's perfect to me and there's no second looking or thought about loving another person. He certainly must be God-fearing, remarkable in His works and in the areas that he's responsibled for. In my whole lifetime till now, I've only had one person who made all the way up to this layer. He's ben.. The one I've fall in love so madly and badly. Hurt so much and even wanna take my life away becos I've lose it all when he's never mine to begin with.
Yes, I'm afraid. I am very afraid of what will be coming.. I don't know how to stop this urge.. But I do wanna see more from him. My desires are in conflict. I'm really confused..whether to go ahead or to let it go..
Right now, I still wanna keep holding on.. Because letting go should be the last option.. I don't wanna miss it agn. I don't wanna stop feeling nothing at all. My heart is telling me to go ahead, yet my mind says no becos he's not the right one and should stop pursing all those vain things - the illusive dream.
I can't pretend that I won't see it coming. Neither can I pretend that I don't see the signs that were made obvious to me.
This is the real challenge, a real test of faith and obedience set by the most high and mighty One.
I've tried so hard to sastify the thrist of love and romance by soughting him.. I've imagined the things we can do, show it off to my dear friends and suitors that it's time to give up and for them to move on cos I've found someone much better.
I can't deny the fact that I sort of know he's not the one I'm looking for. But I wanna give it a chance to grow. But by doing so, I'm putting myself in the risk of falling in love till I'm out of control.
I've once told Kim abt the level of love. It's like a multi layered ball..
The outer most layer defines my liking for a guy due to the outward qualities of a guy which meets my kind of standard. He must be at least taller den me, tan (which is dam important - cos it means that the guy always heads ouGtdoor. And cos I'm rather tan, so it'll be such a disgrace to stand beside someone who has better complexion and fairer den me), capable and smart - from good schs, good looking or appears cute at least to me, bonus: police background and able to cook.
This kind of liking is just superficial. It keeps my mind entertained with the thoughts of the person as and when. I may also imagine the stuffs we can do together and look for opportunities to further. I might even go and do something special to the person and have a very different approach to him. Cos he's considered in my dating option list. Eye candies are most likely to enter this stage.
The next layer - the middle layer defines my liking to that person to the point where I'd miss him so much and would try to keep in contact with him or appears whenever I know he'd be there too. I would cyber "stalk" to find out all the details and info I need to know abt him. I would even try talking to his circle of friends and make friends with them. I would try to even ask him out on one to one date because I'm just too attached to him mentally. He's in my heart and that's loving and no longer like. Sacrifices could be made unconsciously. Level of commitment becomes high. But will still give chances to those who are still in the dating option because things doesn't go well or didn't seem right.
One must possessed certain qualities and character in order for me to reach this layer. For e.g: interesting, funny, cool, charming, charitable, decisive and enchanting. That's the guy I've been hitting on lately. How soon he has alrdy reached this layer.
The core of layer / the innermost layer is the I-will-Ydie-for-Him and will make HUGEsacrifices
This is the most critical part. It suggest that that person I'm in love with has the potential to be my further partner and is my Mr Right. I cannot go wrong with him because I know whatever he possessed is all that I need and all I ever wanted. He's perfect to me and there's no second looking or thought about loving another person. He certainly must be God-fearing, remarkable in His works and in the areas that he's responsibled for. In my whole lifetime till now, I've only had one person who made all the way up to this layer. He's ben.. The one I've fall in love so madly and badly. Hurt so much and even wanna take my life away becos I've lose it all when he's never mine to begin with.
Yes, I'm afraid. I am very afraid of what will be coming.. I don't know how to stop this urge.. But I do wanna see more from him. My desires are in conflict. I'm really confused..whether to go ahead or to let it go..
Right now, I still wanna keep holding on.. Because letting go should be the last option.. I don't wanna miss it agn. I don't wanna stop feeling nothing at all. My heart is telling me to go ahead, yet my mind says no becos he's not the right one and should stop pursing all those vain things - the illusive dream.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
The best gift
Hi readers
So guess what? It's really nice to hear what I've mistaken abt him.
He never went to any of those "bad" places :) I'm so glad
The most rewarding part is that he has agreed to attend the enchanting event as my partner :)
Can't be more exciting, to wear my favorite new dress and shoes :)
With him, I'd dance in the storm with my best dress fearless :) even though I don't know how to dance!
Such an awesome day. Really thank God for him
Continue to follow me on this blog!
Bye readers :)
So guess what? It's really nice to hear what I've mistaken abt him.
He never went to any of those "bad" places :) I'm so glad
The most rewarding part is that he has agreed to attend the enchanting event as my partner :)
Can't be more exciting, to wear my favorite new dress and shoes :)
With him, I'd dance in the storm with my best dress fearless :) even though I don't know how to dance!
Such an awesome day. Really thank God for him
Continue to follow me on this blog!
Bye readers :)
Friday, January 25, 2013
Oh God why...
Something is definitely wrong with me..
Why?!? I've got it all wrong. Wrong abt him.
I'm actually quite glad that it's good that I've got it all wrong.
Definitely great :) good news
Muhahahaha
Why?!? I've got it all wrong. Wrong abt him.
I'm actually quite glad that it's good that I've got it all wrong.
Definitely great :) good news
Muhahahaha
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Just feel like going on "cold turkey"
Dear readers
I've been struggling whether to ask him out agn..
I really think that I've been talking to him too often. After he came back from overseas, I've talked to him almost every single day. The longest record was not talking for a day and that's it. I don't wanna get myself into this trouble agn. Like falling in love with someone I don't exactly know who he is and being an overly attached obsessed person. I hate it..I'm sure he'll hate it too. I personally feel that he has no intention to further anything with me..just a girl to chill out with. Thats perhaps my karma. I've been doing to those guys who I'm not interested in and practically "used" them to chill out cos I'm bored and don't wanna stay home. Besides, cos they're guys, so most of the time, they'd offer to treat me.. And cos they're interested in me, they give a lot of attention to me..How can I possibly turn them off when they're in fact nice and not that bad looking.
So I guess, he might have the same mentality as me too.. Perhaps he alrdy has a gf now. I didn't even ask him about his love advancements.
I feel so insecure. So scared of turning him off. Fear of rejections and disappointments lined up. With this, I've decided not to ask him out nor text him agn.. I shall leave it until I can't take it or something else happen. Hopefully I can managed to convince myself to do so. Although I don't deserve it, but I still hope that he'd question on my "cold turkey" someday when he found out something is amiss. Perhaps he wouldn't even feel that something is amiss cos he couldn't care less since I mean absolutely nothing to him - which is likely going to happen.
mann..I feel so lousy :( :( I shall occupy myself with lotsa interesting activities den!
SHALL DO THAT! Or have I alrdy done that? mm, don't think that's enough to stop the urge, shall find more stuffs to do!
the dejected.
Bye readers
I've been struggling whether to ask him out agn..
I really think that I've been talking to him too often. After he came back from overseas, I've talked to him almost every single day. The longest record was not talking for a day and that's it. I don't wanna get myself into this trouble agn. Like falling in love with someone I don't exactly know who he is and being an overly attached obsessed person. I hate it..I'm sure he'll hate it too. I personally feel that he has no intention to further anything with me..just a girl to chill out with. Thats perhaps my karma. I've been doing to those guys who I'm not interested in and practically "used" them to chill out cos I'm bored and don't wanna stay home. Besides, cos they're guys, so most of the time, they'd offer to treat me.. And cos they're interested in me, they give a lot of attention to me..How can I possibly turn them off when they're in fact nice and not that bad looking.
So I guess, he might have the same mentality as me too.. Perhaps he alrdy has a gf now. I didn't even ask him about his love advancements.
I feel so insecure. So scared of turning him off. Fear of rejections and disappointments lined up. With this, I've decided not to ask him out nor text him agn.. I shall leave it until I can't take it or something else happen. Hopefully I can managed to convince myself to do so. Although I don't deserve it, but I still hope that he'd question on my "cold turkey" someday when he found out something is amiss. Perhaps he wouldn't even feel that something is amiss cos he couldn't care less since I mean absolutely nothing to him - which is likely going to happen.
mann..I feel so lousy :( :( I shall occupy myself with lotsa interesting activities den!
SHALL DO THAT! Or have I alrdy done that? mm, don't think that's enough to stop the urge, shall find more stuffs to do!
the dejected.
Bye readers
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Astroscoop?
Hey readers!
It's been awhile yea? How's everything?
Well, here's my whatsapp status, "Why am I feeling so afraid of losing you when you were never mine to begin with?" It sums up my whole experience after the first date - A date with a new crush, or should I say it should be infatuation? I'm still rather confused with those terms.
Oh well, the feb issue of teenage magazine is just awesome! Although I was kinda disappointed by the gift - which is a pen (useful tho!), but it has got the following:
1. TAYLOR SWIFT COVER STORY - Omgosh! I love taylor to the max. I couldn't agree more when the author describes the 12 things we love about Taylor. The one that has strucked me the most was the one about turning heartbreak into hits.
2. The QUIZ! - a. Are you high-maintenance? And I found out that I'm actually a laid-back chick that attracts people to me. b. Do you change for your crush? The answer is NO! It says that I have just the right amount of personality and adaptability. Knowing exactly when to meet your crush halfway and when not to give in to their requests. Doesn't believe in changing myself blindly for love but take his feedback into consideration, thus transforming myself into a better person. WOOTS! that's me : D. c. Will you keep your crush? Well, this quiz answer disappoints me. It clearly shows that I'm a crush pleaser. I hope that I can be a crush keeper instead.
3. The very accurate "astroscoop". - It's like OMGOSH when I read about my love life from another magazine a few months ago. Saying that there'll someone who's really keen on me that I'm not interested in and advise me to "friendzone" him, which is true! It HAPPENED!
Now this month's predictions about love life is kinda true too. It says that my crush may be different from what I've imagined! IT'S SOOOOO TRUE OMGOSH OMGOSH! But the advice is that liking someone involves accepting their shortcomings cos u don't ditch who you like just because you guys are going through a rough patch. Find ways to work things out.
OK, now what? Find ways to work things out? How? It's been really trying to talk to him a nowadays. I wanna give up on sunday until he came texting and reported that his suckerfish died. HE NEVER INITIATES CONVO. THAT was the first one okay? So what can I do? ASK HIM OUT AGAIN? It says that if your date turns out to be a total bore, I should give him another chance. Ya, mabbe I should start asking him out.
Anw, as for him, the prediction about him is quite true too. It says that he's looking smoking hot these days, having a awesome personality. So whenever he goes, he make quite an impression. Asking him to get out there, meet somebody and let the sparks fly.
So after looking at his love predictions, I'm all set to plan for the next date. We both love chinatown. Chinatown will be it! ASK WHEN HE'LL BE FREE TINGGGGG!
4. This article about annoying couple alert really really cracks me up.
a. For couples who dress alike, we don't need ur outfits to remind us
b. For couples who post lovey-dovey stuffs so often on FB.. PLEASE LAH.. DON'T YOU GUYS HAVE SMS?!? seriously when i fight with my parents, I don't change my status to orphan. So pls lah, don't need to change ur r/s status here and there.
c. DITCH UR FRIENDS? there was a study that said about losing 3 of ur besties when u're dating. I hope that I won't have to lose any. I'll meet my friends as per normal.
d. Losing individuality by associating with ur partner too much e.g. saying WE loved that movie etc.
e. Bringing ur partner to EVERYWHERE YOU GO. I've got friends which are like this. TOTALLY turns me off.
f. Walking slowly in a crowded area. OMGOSH, don't be a roadblock.
g. It's just gross to see couple crawling over each other at non-romantic public areas. SUCH AN EYESORE
h. SILLY NICKY NAMES - Sappy ones? Keep them to themselves pls.
5. THIS MONTH'S ISSUE TALKS A LOT ABOUT FIRST DATES AND CRUSH - simply love it.
I'm so happy that I've only done 1 DON'Ts for my first date - WHICH IS MANNER. I didn't bother to say please or thank you i think. Oh wait, I think I did when he bought the tau huay. So that Don't is scrapped off.
BUT den again, I arrived late. Okay 2 mins late to be exact. But he waited longer den 2 mins cos he arrived earlier dan the time we agreed on. I was kinda surprised to see him knocked out. I prolly killed his mood by arriving late??.
Okay, I'm not too bad for the first date despite not reading up on anything at all. But I'm hoping that there'll be a second date :)
Wish me luck. Trying to give chance to ask. But first, I need to see money in my bank acc first.
LOVEEE
BYE READERS! :]
It's been awhile yea? How's everything?
Well, here's my whatsapp status, "Why am I feeling so afraid of losing you when you were never mine to begin with?" It sums up my whole experience after the first date - A date with a new crush, or should I say it should be infatuation? I'm still rather confused with those terms.
Oh well, the feb issue of teenage magazine is just awesome! Although I was kinda disappointed by the gift - which is a pen (useful tho!), but it has got the following:
1. TAYLOR SWIFT COVER STORY - Omgosh! I love taylor to the max. I couldn't agree more when the author describes the 12 things we love about Taylor. The one that has strucked me the most was the one about turning heartbreak into hits.
2. The QUIZ! - a. Are you high-maintenance? And I found out that I'm actually a laid-back chick that attracts people to me. b. Do you change for your crush? The answer is NO! It says that I have just the right amount of personality and adaptability. Knowing exactly when to meet your crush halfway and when not to give in to their requests. Doesn't believe in changing myself blindly for love but take his feedback into consideration, thus transforming myself into a better person. WOOTS! that's me : D. c. Will you keep your crush? Well, this quiz answer disappoints me. It clearly shows that I'm a crush pleaser. I hope that I can be a crush keeper instead.
3. The very accurate "astroscoop". - It's like OMGOSH when I read about my love life from another magazine a few months ago. Saying that there'll someone who's really keen on me that I'm not interested in and advise me to "friendzone" him, which is true! It HAPPENED!
Now this month's predictions about love life is kinda true too. It says that my crush may be different from what I've imagined! IT'S SOOOOO TRUE OMGOSH OMGOSH! But the advice is that liking someone involves accepting their shortcomings cos u don't ditch who you like just because you guys are going through a rough patch. Find ways to work things out.
OK, now what? Find ways to work things out? How? It's been really trying to talk to him a nowadays. I wanna give up on sunday until he came texting and reported that his suckerfish died. HE NEVER INITIATES CONVO. THAT was the first one okay? So what can I do? ASK HIM OUT AGAIN? It says that if your date turns out to be a total bore, I should give him another chance. Ya, mabbe I should start asking him out.
Anw, as for him, the prediction about him is quite true too. It says that he's looking smoking hot these days, having a awesome personality. So whenever he goes, he make quite an impression. Asking him to get out there, meet somebody and let the sparks fly.
So after looking at his love predictions, I'm all set to plan for the next date. We both love chinatown. Chinatown will be it! ASK WHEN HE'LL BE FREE TINGGGGG!
4. This article about annoying couple alert really really cracks me up.
a. For couples who dress alike, we don't need ur outfits to remind us
b. For couples who post lovey-dovey stuffs so often on FB.. PLEASE LAH.. DON'T YOU GUYS HAVE SMS?!? seriously when i fight with my parents, I don't change my status to orphan. So pls lah, don't need to change ur r/s status here and there.
c. DITCH UR FRIENDS? there was a study that said about losing 3 of ur besties when u're dating. I hope that I won't have to lose any. I'll meet my friends as per normal.
d. Losing individuality by associating with ur partner too much e.g. saying WE loved that movie etc.
e. Bringing ur partner to EVERYWHERE YOU GO. I've got friends which are like this. TOTALLY turns me off.
f. Walking slowly in a crowded area. OMGOSH, don't be a roadblock.
g. It's just gross to see couple crawling over each other at non-romantic public areas. SUCH AN EYESORE
h. SILLY NICKY NAMES - Sappy ones? Keep them to themselves pls.
5. THIS MONTH'S ISSUE TALKS A LOT ABOUT FIRST DATES AND CRUSH - simply love it.
I'm so happy that I've only done 1 DON'Ts for my first date - WHICH IS MANNER. I didn't bother to say please or thank you i think. Oh wait, I think I did when he bought the tau huay. So that Don't is scrapped off.
BUT den again, I arrived late. Okay 2 mins late to be exact. But he waited longer den 2 mins cos he arrived earlier dan the time we agreed on. I was kinda surprised to see him knocked out. I prolly killed his mood by arriving late??.
Okay, I'm not too bad for the first date despite not reading up on anything at all. But I'm hoping that there'll be a second date :)
Wish me luck. Trying to give chance to ask. But first, I need to see money in my bank acc first.
LOVEEE
BYE READERS! :]
Thursday, January 10, 2013
haven't even started, feels like its over
Dear readers
Have you ever felt this way before? Haven't started, but felt as though its alrdy over?
I thought I could really make it thru this time - which is preparing my heart for a new love, a new beginning.
But somehow things just doesn't fall in place. I'm very sure what kind of guy and standards I have, but I seems to be drifting away from the standards and just fall in love randomly with someone, perhaps a stranger to me still. I felt that as I start to want someone like this, I'm changing myself unknowingly to that kinda girl he probably wants me to be. Okay, just in case any of you didn't know what's going on, I've moved on from Ben. I started liking this cool dude that I've seen him once in my life before 10jan. He was sitting down with his grp of friends, so I didn't know he's actually quite short in stature at that point of time. I kinda start hitting on him by chatting him up on fb and suggest a dinner date. (FYI: It's definitely not my style of doing things k?)
It was quite disappointing for our first meet up. I thought things will advance more - get his number, get his family background, find out about his love advancements or history. It all didn't happened. I was dying to know, but I just felt it was too random to ask. Instead, I told him I ate shit before when I was young and he looked dam disgusted. He said that no guys' gona kiss you if u tell them dat. Gosh. I should've not blabber it. Now I know I'm not going to get any kiss from him. Damn it.
The whole dinner was like a chillax session - to him. But for me, I felt terribly self conscious and in a way stress. Cause I know he's observing me and I got feedbacks from him. And gosh, the way he eats the chicken totally feels makes him feels so hot. But to be true, I've got a mixed feelings. I felt that he's cute and cool, but..there's something that makes me feel like this is not the right guy. He's not at the same spiritual track as I do cause he said he does something which I feel its not okay. I mean I think that there's really a problem with it, and he's just enjoying it. And because of this, I don't know if I should carry on meeting him or I should just avoid him at all cost before things gets started and I'm starting to screw it up.
On the other hand, I can't seems to get my mind away from it - thinking about our first meet up, the stuffs I told him that made him smile so cutely, the things he said. Gosh, it's like he has cast a spell on me. Now it's 4.12am and I can't even sleep. All my mind was about him cos he appeared in my dreams for so many days ever since we've confirmed the dinner date. Gosh, It's dam scary. It starts to creep in and feel as though my soul would be devoured by him.
I'm really in a dilemma. I missed him but at the same time, knowing that I cannot be with him and the best way is to let go agn. I really don't want to do that, but I have to. So I guess I still can meet up with him, but really have to turn on the let-go-and-be-friends mindset/mode.
It really sucks isn't it? How great it'd be if he doesn't have that kinda lifestyle and mindset. and prolly if he's taller, it'd be perfect.
At this point of time, I couldn't help comparing with him and Ben. In a way, I still find Ben a perfect partner to be with the rest of my life. Although the feelings for Ben are almost gone but he's still my golden standard when looking for a partner. He's ever so flawless and perfect. I'm really jealous of his gf - able to spend her time with such perfect and awesome dude. I bet I can hardly sleep if I were her.
Anyway, it's so disappointing that I felt he's not really keen on me. There's a lot of things that a guy would do and say to a person he's interested in..but this dude, he didn't even hint. I guess it's a one-sided thing agn. which means all the pursuing have to be done by me in order to make this happen - which I can't cos I gotta let go. And if this drags on, he'd prolly be attached to somebody else like Ben because I didn't grab the opportunity. I'd miss this and be jealous, bitter and feel lousy if thats ever gona happen. That totally sucks. But I can kinda predict that this will most likely be happening unless miracle happens - we both like each other dam a lot until i can void his flaws or either he has changed to a upright and righteous young man...which I think there's only a 0.0000000000000001% chance of happening it.
Oh wells, I'll just leave it to the hands of God..I'm sure He has got better plans for me :)
Nights readers
-continue to follow me on this blog yea?-
Have you ever felt this way before? Haven't started, but felt as though its alrdy over?
I thought I could really make it thru this time - which is preparing my heart for a new love, a new beginning.
But somehow things just doesn't fall in place. I'm very sure what kind of guy and standards I have, but I seems to be drifting away from the standards and just fall in love randomly with someone, perhaps a stranger to me still. I felt that as I start to want someone like this, I'm changing myself unknowingly to that kinda girl he probably wants me to be. Okay, just in case any of you didn't know what's going on, I've moved on from Ben. I started liking this cool dude that I've seen him once in my life before 10jan. He was sitting down with his grp of friends, so I didn't know he's actually quite short in stature at that point of time. I kinda start hitting on him by chatting him up on fb and suggest a dinner date. (FYI: It's definitely not my style of doing things k?)
It was quite disappointing for our first meet up. I thought things will advance more - get his number, get his family background, find out about his love advancements or history. It all didn't happened. I was dying to know, but I just felt it was too random to ask. Instead, I told him I ate shit before when I was young and he looked dam disgusted. He said that no guys' gona kiss you if u tell them dat. Gosh. I should've not blabber it. Now I know I'm not going to get any kiss from him. Damn it.
The whole dinner was like a chillax session - to him. But for me, I felt terribly self conscious and in a way stress. Cause I know he's observing me and I got feedbacks from him. And gosh, the way he eats the chicken totally feels makes him feels so hot. But to be true, I've got a mixed feelings. I felt that he's cute and cool, but..there's something that makes me feel like this is not the right guy. He's not at the same spiritual track as I do cause he said he does something which I feel its not okay. I mean I think that there's really a problem with it, and he's just enjoying it. And because of this, I don't know if I should carry on meeting him or I should just avoid him at all cost before things gets started and I'm starting to screw it up.
On the other hand, I can't seems to get my mind away from it - thinking about our first meet up, the stuffs I told him that made him smile so cutely, the things he said. Gosh, it's like he has cast a spell on me. Now it's 4.12am and I can't even sleep. All my mind was about him cos he appeared in my dreams for so many days ever since we've confirmed the dinner date. Gosh, It's dam scary. It starts to creep in and feel as though my soul would be devoured by him.
I'm really in a dilemma. I missed him but at the same time, knowing that I cannot be with him and the best way is to let go agn. I really don't want to do that, but I have to. So I guess I still can meet up with him, but really have to turn on the let-go-and-be-friends mindset/mode.
It really sucks isn't it? How great it'd be if he doesn't have that kinda lifestyle and mindset. and prolly if he's taller, it'd be perfect.
At this point of time, I couldn't help comparing with him and Ben. In a way, I still find Ben a perfect partner to be with the rest of my life. Although the feelings for Ben are almost gone but he's still my golden standard when looking for a partner. He's ever so flawless and perfect. I'm really jealous of his gf - able to spend her time with such perfect and awesome dude. I bet I can hardly sleep if I were her.
Anyway, it's so disappointing that I felt he's not really keen on me. There's a lot of things that a guy would do and say to a person he's interested in..but this dude, he didn't even hint. I guess it's a one-sided thing agn. which means all the pursuing have to be done by me in order to make this happen - which I can't cos I gotta let go. And if this drags on, he'd prolly be attached to somebody else like Ben because I didn't grab the opportunity. I'd miss this and be jealous, bitter and feel lousy if thats ever gona happen. That totally sucks. But I can kinda predict that this will most likely be happening unless miracle happens - we both like each other dam a lot until i can void his flaws or either he has changed to a upright and righteous young man...which I think there's only a 0.0000000000000001% chance of happening it.
Oh wells, I'll just leave it to the hands of God..I'm sure He has got better plans for me :)
Nights readers
-continue to follow me on this blog yea?-
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