I wonder if you knew

I miss you so much. I'm missing your voice, your smile, missing what could have been, but most of all MISSING YOU.
I can't help, nor can I stop thinking about you.
Your absence, your distant and your coldness, breaks and tore my heart.
I felt so lousy. I thought I could never feel so weak because I've experienced the worse.
It creeps me...that the worse is yet to come.
I feel like I'm digging my own grave.
Telling myself that I can do it. Trust that I believe in myself. That's that stupidest thing ever.

I thought I could gain your attention and slowly win your love.
I thought I can manage through studies and work.
But the fear creeps through my mind...

The lyrics of the song came into my mind..
I can always relate Taylor's song to my life story.

To Taylor: You played a great part in life's journey. The songs you wrote and sang, touches every part of my memories. Like the song You belong with me, I can relate it when I'm always standing by his side, yet he failed to realized that I'm the one. Like the song Haunted, I kept singing "C'mon, C'mon! don't leave me like this. I thought I had you figured it out..Something's gone terribly wrong..You're all I wanted!..." in my mind when he's going to leave Sg. And when he's overseas, I kept singing the song superman.."And I watched superman fly away, come back I'll be with you someday. I'll be right here on the ground..Till you come back down." I also sang enchanted, because I like the phrase that goes "Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting on you." When he's back in Sg, everything that I hope that it wouldn't happen, happened. That's when I kept singing white horse.."that I'm not your princess, this isn't a fairytale. I'm not the one who you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell..this isn't hollywood, this is a small town. I was a dreamer."

Now I've moved on..and this new "him"...
He's like the guy Taylor sings in I Knew You Were Trouble.
Although he's not a chao ah beng..but he's couldn't care less attitude..The mean guy..yet is able to smile like an angel. I mean how? Totally fits in to the song.

Where it says,
"I guess you didn't care
And I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard
You took a step back
Without me, without me, without me"

And
"When your saddest fear comes creeping in
That you never loved me or her or anyone or anything."

So now I'm really lying on the cold hard ground..I really am.
Please tell me that you rmb our date and that you rmb what you've agreed on.
Please tell me that you aren't having a fling with another girl.
Please let that sweet dream that I dreamt of come true.

I felt so lovestrucked in the dream.
In the dream, you love me. You gave me a box of gifts that you made.
A handicraft photoframe magnet. The bottle caps you collected that mean something between us. A imitation of a branded Agnes B red glossy wallet.
Your presence in my church and admiration when I played the piano. That playful smile and message that I dreamt you've sent.
It's all so wonderful. I really hope this can be true.

I missed you more than ever after the dream. You said, "can you not dream of me?" I can only reply in my head...that I wish I wouldn't have to. Because dreaming of you makes me yearn for love more. It makes me wanna own you. And because I couldn't, it hurts. Really hurts.

So please...may the sweet dream end. May reality be sweet.
I can't deny that I'm actually waiting for you. I AM WAITING.
Please don't keep me waiting. Please, tell me that you care.

Yeah, I'm single because I'm waiting for this amazing person to enter into my life. So really, please don't keep me waiting Mr broccoli.