A tough decision

Hey readers!

I hasn't been updating my blog...
I don't know whether it's the beginning or the end of something good that is going to happen or something bad that is going to end.

I had just went to read about my previous posts. I realized that what I've told myself to do, I had not accomplished it at all. I told myself to stop thinking about him, and think more about God, but I felt that I didn't. Yes, although sometimes I think about God more often than anyone genuinely, but, I often strayed when things happened. I often gave myself excuses and false hope to continue to lie to myself and lie to God. I'm so ashamed. Most of the time, my thoughts and decisions were affected by him.. I felt that I hadn't been living life to the fullest daily. I felt that I was just merely giving in to those thoughts that could stumble me and weaken me.
In fact, I'm feeling so weak and tired.

Well, it was a really nice day yesterday, because I get to have meal with him and the other 4 people which the girls are my besties and the guys, his good friends too. Hang out. yeah. I managed to hear a lot from him because most of the time, he was talking and talking away. And from there, he mentioned about what he wished his birthday gift was. I realised that his feelings for her has either grown or remains the same. I felt kind of bitter but I remained silent. But I felt like telling him, "probably you should make yourself her birthday present during her birthday." I dunno whtr she likes him a not. But well, I'm sure she wouldn't mind an extra housekeeper! :p

He showed care to the girls. Like how we were scared about getting scalded by the steaming pot. He didn't say a word about us being scared and he volunteered to help us to take the steamed egg.

The clams that I didn't like, he took it and dip it in the spicy sauce. GOSH, he really dipped a lot. *THUMBS UP*! And THUMBS UP also because he got the walking with Jesus' chords correct.

I've shared about the reasons why I wore think shirt like to think about God first before doing anything else. And he was like saying that I'm misquoting the verse? Cos the verse is saying Finally brethen whatever things are (okay I dunnoe the order) true, pure, noble, just, lovely and of good report, if there's any virtue, meditate on these things. (something liddat. Couldn't remember the exact verse content) and he said that's a sin and I said about me not thinking about the verse before wearing it and he says that's another SIN! AND he said about maggie and yinsan didn't think and blindly followed me. FOR THE FIRST TIME, I WANNA STUFF 100 CHILLI INTO HIS MOUTH.

Okay, but that doesn't made me felt bitter or what. It just made me understood that I need to explore the reasons of deciding anything. Whether it is my own thinking, or is it God's thinking.

I've also shared about why I pick up piano, the views of YA's BS sessions and my dream! I've dreamt that asaph is my son and the father is my father! And all of them were so bad. I told them that I think asaph likes me becos he eveything do the finger-poking face to me when he saw me. HE REMEMBERED! I'm so touched. And yinsan and maggie was like no...he also does that to jamie and worse still, ben or whoever said that asaph won't like me! So I'VE SHOW MY EXTREMELY UGLY-BITTERGOURD face while eating the green tea icecream. For a moment, the greentea icecream does taste like bittergourd. :( Well, we've talked about this mainly because the guys asked about how we feel about 21 year old guys dating girls of my age group. And before anyone could answer it, someone asked about the age gap thinggy and I thought guys that are 5 years older den me..still can make it bah. Anw, I really felt like telling them how comfortable and happy it was to go out with their age group. It was really nice. Can't they give us more time to thinkk?!

Anw, I laughed about timo's long neck! I asked if he had worn this traditional gold neck accessories that the female will wear to have a long neck. hehe! He looks really funny when I teased him! GOSH! and he purposely break the crabs in front of me and could happily laughed about it. SIGHS. The things he do really uh...*shake heads*

I love the way the workshop was conducted. It wasn't boring at all and some of the scenarios' suggested answers were really well-said. I felt that some of the scenarios aren't applicable for me nowadays although the one about taylor seems to be similar to the issue on going to cambodia. I did what was right afterall, because I've finally obeyed my parents and solved the conflict peaceably. :D

Well, afterall these things that had happened, I've decided to not let any of my decisions or behaviour to be affected by him or his presence. I shall evaluate whether what I'm going to chose to do is God's will and not because he'll be there or what.

I know I couldn't say that I don't like him now, because I'd be lying to myself. So now, to make things easier to accomplish and make things that I will be doing will be pleasing to God, intentions and decisions made by me must be thoroughly evaluated. AND YES, the THINK shirt shall reminder for me to THINK whether what I'll be doing is pleasing to God a not before doing it.

BYE READERS! [: