When you're gone

Hey readers.

It was just a few days back when he's still eating lunch with me. Talking almost non stop and helping me to eat the food that I don't want. Now, he's already in Cambodia. I was really happy that the Lord has given me the time to be able to send him off. I kept telling myself that if I can go I should go because ultimately, I won't get to see him after 28days. So I was quite happy that his flight was in the afternoon so that I could meet my FYP teammates afterwards in the evening. When Yin san asked how long will he be there, I straight away replied 28 days and En Ling was like waah! You remembered it so well. I was kinda scared that I gave it away so I tried explaining to them that I had been attending prayer meetings and I always could see these 4 guys names in the prayer diary. So when En Ling heard that she said, "Why are you trying to justify yourself uh?" Gosh, seriously, I hope that I didn't give it away.

I felt that the more I'm with the church-ties nowadays, the more I had the urge to tell them about my feelings. Cos it's just sunday that maggie asked me who I like in church because she said that actually the guys in church are quite good looking and she tried to recommend me. Haha! Den she asked me if I'm still in the stage of liking someone and desiring to have relationship. And I told her, "Um..yes?" haha! Actually I thought I've already passed that stage, but it was only when Chris sort of came in to my life that time that made me felt wanting to go into relationship and liking guys and so on and so forth. And after him, not long, I realised that I still had crushed on Ben. and it grew as time passes especially when I had decided to give up my part time job because I really would like to spend more time in church. So yea, feelings grew stronger especially when he showed that he was indeed an ideal guy. Seriously, I just kept talking about him to my close buddies like yin san and maggie nowadays. They're quite smart and sensitive pple and I do sort of guess that they know that I was quite keen on ben.

Anw, back to yesterday's send off..it was super funny to see him beamed at me when I said,"Aiyah, just go in at 4.20pm lah." And I gave a giggle. HAHA. Stupid Titus and gang said look at Shi Ting hahaha. dots.. I realised that I couldn't make it for Sunday School anniversary because I would be away in Guangzhou. So sad.. I wish I could see my awesome video and hear the composition being sang.

Oh back to the send off, I thought to myself that he must have been enjoying the company of his dreamgirl. I knew that he'd be with her at the stand for quite sometimes. But I felt that I should let him enjoy her presence. So I was up there at Fish and co together with the rest and talking funny things with yinsan and en ling. And also, I didn't go and shake his hands. Well, afterall, he looked really pleased when his dreamgirl shook his hand. I stood back and watched him. I wanted to give him my blessings. Well, anw, and she talked about perfume. And he was like he'd received lotsa presents on his birthday. And En ling was like, "he's trying to hint at something." LOL! I can't helped but to laugh when his dreamgirl said something like, "What, I don't get it or remember anything." Anw, his passport photo was really funny. Soo soo funny that I squatted down behind his dreamgirl and laughed so hard! He really had a fat fat chubby face! If he look this way still, I would prolly like him more than I like asaph (that little kiddo) :D
And Aunty Dora was like,"we should take a pic of this before he goes!" I nodded much. :)

Tirzah was really nice because she rushed to see him off after school. I was telling ben how Tirzah had put in sooo much effort to send him off. He said he was so touched! (LOOK AT THOSE ACT-BLISSFUL FACE AGAIN. :/) and he continued, " but I specially waited for her as I could go in now." I was like, "BUT YOU NEED TO GO IN SO EARLY FOR WHAT?!" Then he agreed to my point and said that, " I can buy duty free wine for Youmie and Insun." and he quickly added, "No lah, I was joking only." Anw, what Tirzah did does made me think that she prolly likes ben too. But somehow, she told me that she liked another guy which I thought to myself, "aiyah, you should go like ben. He's so much nicer than the guy that she likes." Because the guy that she likes was kinda demanding and fierce and of high high high ego..though he's kinda capable and buff.

When he turnt back and waved his hands, I stood afar off while his dreamgirl was right at the front of the gate waving her hands at him. I gave a smile, hoping that he'd be really glad, feeling happy.

I felt that my presence was insignificant and I don't mean anything to him. But still..I don't want anything from him. I just want to be there and see him being happy and with smiles on his face :), that alone, I'm contented.

After he went in, I went far east with Yin San and Tirzah. Tirzah has not changed. Always say," lame lah you","shut up lah you", "stupid". lol! Okay? Den both of them was having a hairdo while I go shopping and GUESSS WADDDD??!

I SAW THIS SUPER GLAMOROUS DRESS THAT ONLY COST $15!! YES! it's only $15!
Can't believe that I've bought a prom dress for only $15. I was comtemplating which dress which I buy.. Cos all the 3 dresses were very stylish and each has their individual fashion sense and uniqueness. and all cost $15! I felt like buying all the 3 dresses thou. haha. But in the end I chose the one that is not-so-sexy. haha. Cos the other two, I have no bra(s) to match. Okay. so here's my great shopping journey. Finally Yin San and Tirzah were done and I seriously love Yinsan's new haircut. :D She looks different! so much nicer. And she brought me to the chicken rice stall. Seriously, the chicken rice taste so awesome! and the best thing was that the chilli sauce is re-fillable like on the table and I can serve myself so easily. Love the rice, soup, chicken n chilli! haha! :D

After that was FYP meeting and a stupid green tea cost $1. and plus service charge, I had to pay another one more buck. SO ITS 2 BUCKS FOR A STUPID GREEN TEA. It wasn't quite intense. and I felt tat the next meeting will be more intense because there'll be so many more research to do and things to read up. The funny thing about meeting up with them was that Jeremy, Mervyn and I wore YELLOW! I've never felt so banana in my life before.. I've told them a racist joke the one on the indian, chinese and malay on the titanic and the indian said," God s(h)ave me!" :/

As I was on my way back home in train, I was standing there alone, looking at the scenery outside and my own reflection. I listened to Taylor's song, and I felt rather emotional. I almst cried. Anw, I saw Aaron when he turnt back to look at who's screaming from the back. It wasn't me doing the screaming. It was some aunties shouting away and most of the pple turnt their backs to look at what's going on. Anw, I talked to him and managed to find out that he's doing accounts and still studying away.

Finally before I rest my head on the bed, I've talked to God. Prayed about some peeps in church, ben's health and safety (also the 2 guys there at cambodia now), the missionaries esp the one that the school was burnt down in Sri Lanka. Anw, my sister cos she's been crying the whole night and wouldn't lemme know what happened. It was just today that I knew that she was crying the whole night because her boyfriend wanted to break up with her. I've NEVER NEVER like my sis' bf and he wasn't suitable for my sister. It's just that I don't feel that he's my sis' Mr Right and it felt wrong. I hope that by God's grace, my sister will be able to love God more and that she'd be to meet someone who loves God and not someone who rejects God like her current boyfriend.

Sighs, it does made me felt worried about her cause I scared she can't straighten her thoughts and do something silly. My sis has been the one giving and giving while her bf just received and did little. She has loved her bf so much while her bf doesn't seems to care about her and even said things that hurt her. He's my sis' first boyfriend... Sighs..Hope that my sis will be strong and get through these times. She's really such a poor thing. She had part time job and she need to study uni at the same time. Things are really difficult for her already and now with this, it might just add to her blow and make her more distressed.

Anw, I had cried during the night before I sleep..cos..I just missed him so much. And the sight of him still liking the girl does made me so so so bitter. Feeling tired but couldn't sleep still..I cried myself to sleep..freezing his pic with me on the phone. snugging into the blanket..while my tears drenched the bedsheets. (because I don't sleep with pillows. It made my head aches the next morning when I wake up)

Bye readers