Beyond reach

Hey readers...

Things are not progressing well..
First, I didn't get to talk to him even when I see him for 2 days..
Secondly, I was not invited to his birthday celebration on friday.
Thirdly, he won't be going to ellice's farewell.
Fourthly, I won't be seeing him for about 1 whole month.
Fifthly, other guys in church seems to be talking to me more often after since run for your life has ended and when I'm in charge of planning SS graduation.
Sixthly, especially samuel has been talking to me. Nowadays, he seems to come and talk to me more often and was concerned about me. As he was in the same CEP group as me, I get to see him longer and he even sat beside me today and joke about nicholas confessing his love to me. And he put on the paper flower on my head where he wrote (on behalf of nicholas -just for fun)," To: Shi Ting <3."
Oh mann..and CEP lesson was rather fun because they all keep making me laugh. Entertaining guys...
BUT, I seriously has no thoughts about liking another person. I don't want the distance to be so far..Sometimes I hope that he could be a little closer to me like what samuel did. I'm hoping that I could get him something and pass it to him personally on his birthday, but I've got no chance at all.. I could do nothing more except writing to him a birthday card together with maggie so that it doesn't look obvious at all..

I'm missing it all...losing it all..
I really lost hope...and I want to give up and be a thorough loser by not telling him how I feel about him for so long.

Tomorrow is Valentines' day and I'll be celebrating it with kimmy :)
I just hope that I could feel less disappointed..Because somehow I felt that all these things that happened, probably shows one thing...one single fact...which is...He's not meant for me...It has been all my wishful thinking..Because right now, he's only a friend to me. and I'm a very normal friend to him too. Not even a good friend of him. or a close friend. Or someone that he can always talk to and hang out with...Nowadays..He has been talking to Ruth more...I remember when I was in Uncle TK's house for CNY. He sat beside her and talk to her for quite sometimes. (the sight where it looks like someone is interested abt another person.) Anw, I realised that I kinda like Ruth as a friend. She's really friendly and honest about things. She and I can get along kinda well. I talked to her quite a lot nowadays. HAHA. I didn't know that she was so fun to disturb. :/
But I kinda think that he doesn't like her...probably its still that girl of his dreams..

Although I'm letting the way it is..but I had been secretly hoping that something could happen more esp during weekends (love those dinner.)

sighs. I really don't want to get into liking someone...but it's inevitable. Can't be controlled..
SIGHSSSSS...ok got to study for UT.

Bye readers