Heart wretching.

Hey readers...

My day hasn't been really that awesome.
Oh well... Think positively yea Shi Ting (oh, I just love talking to myself. Like how I express it in the blog)

Recently during weekends, I do have a lot of chance to spend more time with him.
1. During Saturdays, he would come.
2. I had dinner after YP and he's there.
3. He heard from Ruth about my silly swimming experience that made the whole table laughed like mad. (Ok, I admit I did most of the laughing.)
4. When we had RFYL meeting, just before that...he was at the meeting room too. Playing titi and bridge. I didn't play with them because Titus don't let me play. And they only needed 4 played. so well. But when he was saying bye...and he look straight into my face..and the light that makes his eyes look glittery..does touched my heart and made it run fast. (so charminggg..glee!)
5. He came for the games day the following saturday.
6. I'm quite thankful for the games (special thanks to mervin) because of those games, I know..
i) He wanted to have 3 kids
ii) He want girls to go army
iii) He doesn't do house chores when he's young
iv) He uses colgate toothpaste! :O same same!
And also because of the games...
7. He held my wrist for the first time! Oh yea...
I don't know whether I'm the one who's shaking or he's the one who can't hold my wrist properly..because...MY WRIST WAS SHAKING TOO BADLY! (I was kinda afraid that he could feel my rapid pulse. But he seems quite okay. But when I went back to sit down. My legs are like jelly...as though I just went for a roller coaster ride..and I'm shell-shock.)
8. I get to play my favourite card games with the rest (although he didn't play..but well.)
Jumbo speed and ugly dolls! woo hoo! so fun! :)
9. BBQ TIME! He was there at the BBQ too! The food was awesome. The talk was challenging me to discover my gifts if I have not done so. I've really tried to find and discover what gifts I had. But I found none. Probably I feel that this kind of thing...others could see it better.
10. The next day, I was stucked in church the whole day, just like the previous sunday. Because I need to meet up with the SS graduates to come out with the presentation. It ended quite fast.
11. I was playing my grade 8 pieces and some of my most outstanding pieces hoping that he would appear.
12. In the end, he came so late.
13. He was chairing for the gospel and baptism service. (love his formal wear)
14. Like him, I was very happy to see my friends got baptised. I know all of them too! :) Some are even my good friends!
15. While he was talking to others, I shot A LOT of quick look at him. He caught some of the quick look from me.. *red face* me red face. Not him of course. He was not merely talking, but talk and smile at the same time.. That kinda sight captures my heart.
16. I've got roses from two boy-friends! HAHA! No lah, two of them just plucked out from Aunty Amy's vase and give it to me because I wanted it and I've got no hands to pluck them.
17. When baba asked samuel to give the rose to the girl he likes, HE GAVE IT TO ME. I know he's kidding. So I shoot a "are-you-mad" face to him.
18. DINNER AT SWENSEN'S THOMSON PLAZA! (Of course he was there too! Or I wouldn't have gone. Cos its late and I'm hungry and it's expensiveee..)
19. I didn't really get to talk to him a lot. But I was really upset because he messaged Ruth a few days back as Ruth was sharing about it during dinner..prolly asking her out for dinner..Sighs. Why not meeeee... I want also. One steamboat dinner with him and the rest where got enough? I want one to one...one to one.. (may be not. Because I'm kinda of scared if one to one...he'd found out that I like him too easily. and obvious. Because of hormones, I may just express myself too much. So it might be too obvious. BETTER TO GO IN GROUP. and HIDE.)
20. From the dinner, I know that he's a rubbish bin. Eat whatever that people couldn't finish..
Very handy skills.
21. When taking photo, I turnt back twice, and he look at me twice. I SHOULD HAVE TURNED BACK MORE TIMESSS!!
22. Oh, he saw my laptop bag and thought I brought laptop cos he asked me why you bring a laptop. So I opened up the lappy bag and showed him that it's all piano scores. Then he nod and oh and didn't talk to me any further. (Is that what he could only ask and say to me.?... SIGHS)
23. That whole sunday could be so bad if there wasn't this night service and DINNER because my parents keep insisting me to stay in Singapore and not go to cambodia.
(Seems like I might have to wait a longer time in order for me to go for mission trip again!)
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24. CHINESE NEW YEAR (3rd day!) He was there at the dinner yesterday!
i)He was the first to arrive uncle TK's house
ii) He best ah. Just dip the bread into the curry pot with all the oil on top.
But I think he saw me "filtering" the oil from the curry in mag's spoon. and probably he couldn't wait anymore so he just dip into the curry pot. Gosh, GOOD FOOD CANNOT BE WAIT MEH?
iii) I laughed the loudest when mel didn't bring the card with gold to herself and others could see whether its a gold a not!
iv) Den I myself when putting back the card with gold to the original position, I accidentally flipped the card and everybody knows where the gold is! THERE GOES THE SABOTEUR..
v) He grinned to me when he left the saboteur game. Awws, I realised he kept shooting glance at me when playing the game. Haha. Awesommmeeee...
vi) He purposely breathe out through his mouth to maggie after having the durian cake, knowing that mag hates durian smell! HAHA! I laughed with the fork still in my mouth when he does that. So bad. ;D

Today, I was completely worned out after getting out of my bed. Firstly, I dreamt that he proposed to another girl right in front of me whether she wanted to be his girlfriend. And he held her hands. And he kissed her right in front of me. That dream seriously sucks. It's worse than a crazy and violent and blood filled nightmare. I could feel the jealousy and bitterness in that dream. I manipulated in such a way that time will go back and he realised that i'm the one who belongs to him. But before it could be done so...its time to wake up and go for worship.

He wasn't sitting too far away from me during worship. But I didn't get to talk to him for the whole day whereas my mum did get to talk to him and gave him ang pao. :) I love my mum for doing that. Seriously. hahaha. :D Oh, about the sunday school video thinggy...mag and els were so not co operative. Mag keep giving suggestions like, " can ys say "thank" and jamie say " you" and go? Or I can write down the message and you read it out. Just take you can already. Sighs. WHY?! Els keep nagging us to hurry. We need to get things done and she can go if she could quickly think of what to say.
They just don't understand that it's urgent and it's hard to get people down. Jet is kind enough to stay lil while to take this video for us. So we shouldn't keep postponing and drag things.

Came back home and continued to reason with my mum about the cambodia trip. At last, she managed to hear my reasons and I managed to hear her reasons about not letting me go to cambodia. It's kind of acceptable. I know everything could be done before that trip, and I had already thought through my mistakes about being so busy and just being busier than ever for the past 3 months. But probably, it wasn't sufficient enough. I felt better after crying and told myself and consoled myself that probably God can bless me more than what I think He could bless if only I had live a life more pleasing to Him and being sanctified and holy so that He could use me.

It was still quite a heart wretching experience...although its a lesson in disguise.
(Just in case you readers still don't get it...I can't go cambodia. All because of the close door.)

Bye readers! [: