A reflection of 2011

The end of 2011 is approaching, yet at the same time, the start of 2012 is arriving too.

This year (2011) has been a year full of emotions. Happy, mania, anxiety, worried, troubled, depressed, excitment..A year that I longed to be loved, longed to be with him, excitied about every meeting with him in an event or gathering. A year full of him, and just him alone. Right up till now, I'm still missing him a lot.. Just watched the skit we acted in YC'08, hearing him singing "And I thank you Lord". When I felt that I don't love him or don't feel bad when I don't miss or even think about him, I felt relieved. Because for many many months, or since I ever had a feeling for him, I was worried, and want this feeling to be get rid of soon. I was worried to end up like what I am now..jealous, covet, selfish ambitions etc. All has shown up this year at its peak. I've experienced so much pain, and for the thousands tears I've shed, I'm sorry. I've failed.

I wasn't expecting anytime great next year because it's going to really challenging..And I'm quite worried that I'm so poor, so slow and so unprepared. Why? I'm worried that I couldn't get into uni. I was thinking about signing on, going to army so that they can sponsor my uni education. I was also worried about my part-time or full-time job..whether to be a pharm tech or go IMCB to look out for any job vacancies. My finance are going to be really tied. And up till now, I'm worried that when he's back next year, I could hardly see him around. THIS IS MY BIGGEST WORRY AMONG THE WORRIES.

Any new year resolution? I wished for the flesh to be strong, spirit to be strong, no devil's voice, being a perfect child of God. Be a healthy babe with no tummy, less bulky thighs, and more boobs. :P I want a good health with a good looking body shape. At least when I wear clothes, it will fit perfectly. :)

Any steps or plans? I wish I can talk to God more and hear what He have to say about my life and my future. I wish I can have an evening jog everyday. Hopefully, there won't be rain when im running or before running.

Wishing all the best for next year! :) Wishing all the best for you readers too! :)

BYE READERS :]