Stagnant

I was just pondering about this word.
Just this word alone, it can describes all my emotions and my "spiritual" condition.

Things hasn't been going well deep down in my heart.
That craving hasn't stopped when I said that's it.
So funny that it's just a several hours ago when I claimed that.
So funny that I still can't overcome it.

How funny it is. Laughs.

Where have you been? Where did you go? I waited, seems I care less...but dunno why..I just didn't want to look at you when I was a distance away. Why do I always do things the opposite when I see you around? Maybe, I'm just too tired to keep on pretending..But I guess as long as things are stagnant, I have to keep on pretending.

So now I'm always standing alone, in the crowded room...and we're not speaking at all.
It's killing me. But I know, it wasn't killing you at all.