a complete, uncontrollable breakdown of tears

Hi readers.

Sis told me that I'm thinking too much.

Perhaps I am. I having too many concerns. Burden for my friends.
The thought that some people were born to die isn't great at all.

But what can I do? I am a complete failure, a person who hardly utters any word to any of her friends about God. I tried. But lost their attention easily and walked away feeling that I'm addicted to Christianity.

I pondered about the things in the world. What a wonderful creation that God created!! My eyes do not have to bear that glaring sunlight when I am sleeping because the Sun went to sleep too. The trees and flowers waving their hands to me while the wind blows. YES! It was that breeze that makes it breathtaking. Surely, the One who created all this, must be someone who loves you and I. Its so lovely. And when I thought of it as I'm walking back home today, I held my tears. And don't know why tears starts streaming down my faceimmediately when I got into the lift. Felt really paiseh to let my family members see me crying because they were all home. I mean...its really stupid right? So I stood at the stairs to calm down and took a long breath. BREATHE IN and OUT. Mixed emotions. Great joy with thanksgiving in my heart, yet sorrows for friends who are not saved.

Obviously, I had not done my best.

Well anw, I'm saturated with the Word today. Aunty Swee Choo fed me with a lot of words and I am too full and finally burst out...and agn, hunger.

I told myself...why am I crying for myself all the time...self pitying that my life was really sadly boring, unattractive...got bullied and hurt or did the wrong thing and got punished. How is it that I can cry for all this almost all the time and it was none of His glory; all in vain. And I seldom shed tears of gratefulness...to the One who had kept me save till now. They just do not know how much it takes to get this far...

Of great confidence, I know who I have believed. And am persuaded that Christ died, and He was buried and that He rose up on the third day. He, the One who overcame death. He, suffered so much. All because He love me. And I believed that even if this world, there is only me. One sinner...He will still come down to die for my sins. All because of love. God, you love me and I love You too...I am sorry and I am very ashamed of what I have did and You are all that I need. Without You, there's no me.

Bye readers.