S.T. doesn't know how she feels

Hey readers! [:

somehow or rather...
There were so many things that happened yesterday.
There were christmas special @ children's corner and I was helping out by playing piano for their performance and later on, I went to meet someone.

There were many times that I lost in my own thoughts and hardly listen to whatever he says.
By the time I reached home, I could barely rmb wad he said. important stuff I rmbed, but those details, I could hardly rmb.

All I can rmb was the vivid images of him smiling and held my hand when we're on the top of the building. Its very frightening for me to go to the top of the building. My heart was small and by the time I reached there, my legs turnt jelly and I dropped on the ground unwilling to go or walk any further)

Well, in the end, I walked further and felt really nervy. I dunno why I felt so insecured being there and I felt that the wind was so strong that I felt like I could get blown away by the wind.
But there, he sat there so calmly..Looking at the beautiful view..(he seems to be lost in his own thoughts too). When he wanted me to sit up, I was really scared. It was worse when he tried to get me sit up (becos I'm kinda afraid that he used too much strength and I got thrown =X) I told him not to and I'll do it myself...and when I told him about how insecured I felt..he offered his hand. Well, okay. So my sweaty palms landed on his palm. Its...its fearless.

And that moment is perfect! Its so beautiful that I don't want it to go away or let it pass it by..
Its so beautiful that I want to cry..(it would be better if theres shooting stars :D)

I dunnoe if I'm in love or wad. Well, after so many things happened...
there seems to be a like voice inside me that says he's not meant for me..and that I just liked him becos he first liked me? and it seems to be telling me that I still like jon.
yet theres another voice inside me that seems to be telling me that thats becos I liked him(the guy im with ytd) a lot becos of who he is, and what he is to me and thats why I'm feeling liddat.

I wonder what if God tells me that its not the time that matters and tells me that its becos we're not meant to be? Can I accept it? can he?

Well...mabbe I was just thinking tooooooooooo much.
But I felt as though there were millions of questions and doubts that has yet to be answered and clarified.
(I felt really pissed when I wanna noe the answers but I cant know it straight away)
I have so many secrets from so many people that I really wanna run away from everything.

I just don't think I can do this anymore. I'll have to stop and perhaps disappoint someone if I have to. I'm not capable of stuffs..(still very immatured).

I just hope that during this period, I'd be able to walk closely with God.
Not to follow feelings as feelings are sometimes deceiving though it can feel so true sometimes.
I dun want him to follow me into the dark. I want him to follow me into the Light.
The Light of the World..The Light that never fails to shine. The Light that gives eternal life.


well...thats about it readers..
BYE READERS!