Hey readers! :D
I did enjoyed myself a lot today! one of the best sundays! hahhaa! :D
My dear friends: Airin, Theresa and Xue Li celebrated my 18th birthday and bought me nice necklaces :DDD SO SWEETT! I'm really touched!! :)
The thing about yesterday was that work was tiring probably due to pain..cramps u noe...period...
Sighs! And it just flowww and stained it...cos I couldn't get out of the booth! AND I was really really troubled! Thank God that Yin san managed to take over my booth awhile while I go "check it out".
Its a "muddy" experienced because the booth was set on the MUD, and ball was rolling all over the MUD, and my shoes was stained with MUD! Thinking about that job, I think its manageable still...at least not as stress as waitressing at hotel....and the pay is way better. :D
So yea! thats about yesterday!
About my heart....
I can say that honestly..its conditioned by thinking about that someone special already. So my thoughts, and mind is all occupied by it still. VERY HARD ok? I'm really trying. and today when praying, theres so many many times that I strayed my thoughts and started to think about the smile that he has and so onnnn...and I can't say Amen. So just keep praying that my mind will be conditioned by Christ and in Him alone I live for and will only think of! Probably my heart has been holding on these thoughts...keep holding it for quite sometimes. Its more like a habit. And I still foolishly hope that he'd wished me for my birthday but yea, he didn't. of 100+++ facebook wall posts, I scrolled down to look for it...And when I don't see it...I scrolled down another time...another time...up and down...and I told myself to just stop. Its all meaningless. I know. Its been quite a while already. And when I tried to move on, I always find myself back at the starting point. *sobbbb* Why? Teenage years really hard. Mature faster SHI TING! MATURE faster! Don't think about meaningless things!! THROW THOSE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS AWAY!
*into the sea!* yay! its done. haha :D:D:D
Yeah, bye readers!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
A not-so-good holiday
Hey readers!
For those of you who don't know, I'm EIGHTEEN ALREADY!! :D:D
Don't know why I'm feeling quite down nowadays.
18th birthday was seriously bored to tears...
Can't watch my drama because my bro was hogging on to the lappy..
And he used the broom to threaten me and screamed at me..because I was using the lappy to reply my birthday msgs on facebook. *sighs*
My mood was totally spoilt. Its a bad choice to stay home afterall. ):
But spending my birthday with all my family members, suddenly made me realised something..
I never had a good look at them and never really felt special when I'm out with them becos probably I'm always with them. But this time round when I am going to celebrate both the mid-Autumn and my birthday together with them, I had this special feeling..I felt that everything's so wonderful. I had this person as my dad, that person as my mum and so on. I felt that its really very awesome of the way how God has planned everything and chose my parents and siblings as well as my grandparents for me! its just so unique to think about it right now!
Anw, when I was at the lower seletar reservoir to enjoy that special evening, I really hope that someone thats special in my heart or my bestiesssssss (i put lotsa ssssss because I really had lotsa good good and awesome awesome besties!)will suddenly appear out of nowhere and just nice we can enjoy the evening together! :D:D:D:D Like those in the typical drama shows..or just some life of my other friends who had received great surprises that I saw in the facebook. :D Somehow, I just gave the thought up.. and when I was there, I just wanna quietly enjoy it that way with my family :D Its great :D
So much so for 22.09.2010 this year :D
Well, just the thing about yesterday was quite horrid esp at night.
my room was so stuffy... I'm feeling so uncomfortable. My body's not well. (probably ate too much ice cream and cake) I dreamt of a huge HUGE mosquito that bite me because moisture and darkness will attract them. and my sis tried to make a glass cover (out of wood frame and plastic sheets) around my bed to prevent mosquito from coming in. Well, that was a bad idea. cos the so called "glass cover" didn't cover all the circumference of my bed. so the HUGE mosquito came in to bite me. So i had a bad sleep..somehow, I couldn't sleep well..and I'm stressed that I couldn't sleep cos the next morning hafta be in replug.
And that morning came today...
I tot i was late. But i was the first to arrive..and waited for all my band members to come.. and from 9.50am..., i did nothing except eating till 11am+. *sighs* thats the thing that I don't really like about some replug members. But well, still...I shall consider that its a test of patience and that I should bring work to do whenever there's meet up so that I can make full use of my time (: I was really sleepy and my eyes were tired till mad..and head was heavy and my heart was beating so fast (dunnoe why). The worse thing came is that the sole of my black shoes came off. and somemore got hole there. SHUACKS. its so embarrassing and I'm kinda of happie that no one noticed! haha! Finally the replug preview first internal was over. can rest well tonight! :DDD
*sighs* replug replug and replug..when can I do the things I want..
So many many things I want to do cannot do.. because there are so many many things I need to do.
WHY THE NEED TO DO IS Always NEVER ENDING?
No wonder so many people doesn't like the way life is..
):
Bye readers!
For those of you who don't know, I'm EIGHTEEN ALREADY!! :D:D
Don't know why I'm feeling quite down nowadays.
18th birthday was seriously bored to tears...
Can't watch my drama because my bro was hogging on to the lappy..
And he used the broom to threaten me and screamed at me..because I was using the lappy to reply my birthday msgs on facebook. *sighs*
My mood was totally spoilt. Its a bad choice to stay home afterall. ):
But spending my birthday with all my family members, suddenly made me realised something..
I never had a good look at them and never really felt special when I'm out with them becos probably I'm always with them. But this time round when I am going to celebrate both the mid-Autumn and my birthday together with them, I had this special feeling..I felt that everything's so wonderful. I had this person as my dad, that person as my mum and so on. I felt that its really very awesome of the way how God has planned everything and chose my parents and siblings as well as my grandparents for me! its just so unique to think about it right now!
Anw, when I was at the lower seletar reservoir to enjoy that special evening, I really hope that someone thats special in my heart or my bestiesssssss (i put lotsa ssssss because I really had lotsa good good and awesome awesome besties!)will suddenly appear out of nowhere and just nice we can enjoy the evening together! :D:D:D:D Like those in the typical drama shows..or just some life of my other friends who had received great surprises that I saw in the facebook. :D Somehow, I just gave the thought up.. and when I was there, I just wanna quietly enjoy it that way with my family :D Its great :D
So much so for 22.09.2010 this year :D
Well, just the thing about yesterday was quite horrid esp at night.
my room was so stuffy... I'm feeling so uncomfortable. My body's not well. (probably ate too much ice cream and cake) I dreamt of a huge HUGE mosquito that bite me because moisture and darkness will attract them. and my sis tried to make a glass cover (out of wood frame and plastic sheets) around my bed to prevent mosquito from coming in. Well, that was a bad idea. cos the so called "glass cover" didn't cover all the circumference of my bed. so the HUGE mosquito came in to bite me. So i had a bad sleep..somehow, I couldn't sleep well..and I'm stressed that I couldn't sleep cos the next morning hafta be in replug.
And that morning came today...
I tot i was late. But i was the first to arrive..and waited for all my band members to come.. and from 9.50am..., i did nothing except eating till 11am+. *sighs* thats the thing that I don't really like about some replug members. But well, still...I shall consider that its a test of patience and that I should bring work to do whenever there's meet up so that I can make full use of my time (: I was really sleepy and my eyes were tired till mad..and head was heavy and my heart was beating so fast (dunnoe why). The worse thing came is that the sole of my black shoes came off. and somemore got hole there. SHUACKS. its so embarrassing and I'm kinda of happie that no one noticed! haha! Finally the replug preview first internal was over. can rest well tonight! :DDD
*sighs* replug replug and replug..when can I do the things I want..
So many many things I want to do cannot do.. because there are so many many things I need to do.
WHY THE NEED TO DO IS Always NEVER ENDING?
No wonder so many people doesn't like the way life is..
):
Bye readers!
Monday, September 6, 2010
there's no discipline in me!
Dear readers
I remembered when I was thinking whether to go poly a not, my mother asked me...
"Do you have the discipline a not? Because in poly, the teachers don't chase after you to do work. So Girl arh...if you go poly, make sure you have the discipline in you."
and I told her,
"OF COURSE LAH!" Definitely no problem one. When its time to study, I study wan. Confirm no problem de.
I sounded so confident that time...
Now...I'm doing my revision for biochem so half-heartedly.
the a and p UT is difficult to the MAXXX! section A sure gone case. But B and C still got hope. SIGHS~ I didn't go revise other topics seriously...So in the end..section A came out bones arhh...joints arhh...anatomical terms arhhh...digestive system arhhh...till i wanna cry for MUMMY already.. :(
Get A for the past UT oso no use...
Now my a n p hope are kinda vanished.
My only A for this term that I can secure...might be gone....
Tmr biochem...hope it will be okay...
better study harder to make sure I get A or at least B+.
If not, I can't get overall A or B+ or that module alrdy..
Den my university dream school will be getting further and further away..till i lose sight of it.
bye readers!
I remembered when I was thinking whether to go poly a not, my mother asked me...
"Do you have the discipline a not? Because in poly, the teachers don't chase after you to do work. So Girl arh...if you go poly, make sure you have the discipline in you."
and I told her,
"OF COURSE LAH!" Definitely no problem one. When its time to study, I study wan. Confirm no problem de.
I sounded so confident that time...
Now...I'm doing my revision for biochem so half-heartedly.
the a and p UT is difficult to the MAXXX! section A sure gone case. But B and C still got hope. SIGHS~ I didn't go revise other topics seriously...So in the end..section A came out bones arhh...joints arhh...anatomical terms arhhh...digestive system arhhh...till i wanna cry for MUMMY already.. :(
Get A for the past UT oso no use...
Now my a n p hope are kinda vanished.
My only A for this term that I can secure...might be gone....
Tmr biochem...hope it will be okay...
better study harder to make sure I get A or at least B+.
If not, I can't get overall A or B+ or that module alrdy..
Den my university dream school will be getting further and further away..till i lose sight of it.
bye readers!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
A desire for a change
Dear readers
Its time for a BIGGER change! It's time to stop being the so called "normal" Shi Ting.
The girl who always laugh for no reason, a girl who wants to find pleasure in the sight of both men and God, even to the sins of the world...she'd gladly give in.
For all this time....all this while...
I'm struggling with my personal lusts and desires...
I couldn't let go of my feelings....to the point that I felt that I think I had put him first than God..
Its so obvious and I couldn't deny.
Everytime when I enter facebook...he'll be in my page.
Everytime I walked into the house of the Lord, I'll pretend to be okay...But I keep asking myself...Where is he? Did he come to church today? If not, I keep thinking why..
Everytime when I sat somewhere near him...
I got distracted...lost focus on the Lord.
Whenever I didn't get the attention I wanted,
I played sad songs on piano...unknowingly...
I've actually idiolised a man whom I think that he loves God without knowing whether is true a not..
( Because only God knows the hearts of all man and I will not know the true motives of the hearts of men. So I've got no right to say or to judge that he's someone who loves God.)
I'm not made to love a godly man more than God.
In fact, this is a TRAP! IT'S A BAD THING!
All this are nothing. Not of ANY ETERNAL VALUE!
ITS WORSE THAN ANYTHING ELSE FOR IT REMAINS IN MY HEART FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME!
The Lord will not be pleased and this might even provoke Him to anger.
The Lord knows my heart and identified this problem.
For this very reason, I desire to let him go a while ago.
But time passed, I was bored or restless...
Having many friends who have a beautiful romance...
I desire to have someone whom I like to be around with me..
I desire of someone that could bring the best out of me, like no one else can do. I wanted it so badly till I lost control of myself...always imagine if he is with me that kind of thing.
So here again, I want this to be a reminder for myself...
That there is no creature hidden from His sight,
but all things are NAKED and OPEN to the eyes of Him to whom WE MUST GIVE ACCOUNT. -Heb 4:13
There'll be judgment. Because sin brough chaos within the system, and it's going against the character of God. Thus, sin and evil must be atoned for.
So sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon me.
I definitely cannot bear the wrath of God and His judgments,
its too great for me to bear...too scary to think of it...I cannot give any reasonable account to Him.
So, I desire for a change...different from the world.
People changed looks to look more attractive, more pleasing to the eyes of men.
But as for me, I desire to change my heart, to be only pleasing unto eyes of the Lord.
Ask me why...
because He first loved me...and He never gives up loving me day by day.
Alright, back to some of the things that has occurred..
it's nothing happening actually. only that particular struggle that I'd mentioned bothers me a lot.
I wore a shoe that gave me blisters all over my foot. Its painful. But somehow, it doesn't feel that pain anymore. Its a shoe that my brother bought for me. So glad to know that he's sweet to me. Its really a great privileged. U know...its like the kind of feeling that some one whom doesn't seems to care suddenly became so thoughtful and nice..that kind of joy that I felt when my brother bought that pair of shoe for me :)
I felt so blessed to have so many friends contacting me recently...
Cared for me...
Their actions does let me feel so blessed :)
I can't hope for more but only to thank God for them.
I hope that I'll show more care and concern to them too. Be more selfless and more considerate.
Bye readers!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
my prayer through a song...
Father, I know that all my live
Is portioned our for me,
the changes that are sure to come
I do not fear to see;
I ask Thee for a quiet mind
Intent on pleasing Thee.
I ask Thee for a thoughtful love,
Through constant watching wise,
To meet the glad with joyful smiles,
To wipe the weeping eyes;
A heart at leisure from itself,
To soothe and sympathize.
I would not have the restless will
That hurries to and fro,
Seeking for some great thing to do
Or secret thing to know,
I would be treated as a child,
guided where I go.
I ask Thee for daily strength
To none that asks denied;
A mind to blend with outward life,
While keeping at Thy side;
Content to fill a little space,
If Thou be glorified.
Wherever in the world I am,
In whatsoever estate,
I have a fellowship with hearts
To keep and cultivate,
A work of lowly love to do
For Him on Whom I wait.
In service which Thy will appoints
There are no bonds for me;
My inmost heart is taught the Truth
That makes Thy children free;
A life of self-renouncing love
Is one of liberty.
Amen.
Its time for a BIGGER change! It's time to stop being the so called "normal" Shi Ting.
The girl who always laugh for no reason, a girl who wants to find pleasure in the sight of both men and God, even to the sins of the world...she'd gladly give in.
For all this time....all this while...
I'm struggling with my personal lusts and desires...
I couldn't let go of my feelings....to the point that I felt that I think I had put him first than God..
Its so obvious and I couldn't deny.
Everytime when I enter facebook...he'll be in my page.
Everytime I walked into the house of the Lord, I'll pretend to be okay...But I keep asking myself...Where is he? Did he come to church today? If not, I keep thinking why..
Everytime when I sat somewhere near him...
I got distracted...lost focus on the Lord.
Whenever I didn't get the attention I wanted,
I played sad songs on piano...unknowingly...
I've actually idiolised a man whom I think that he loves God without knowing whether is true a not..
( Because only God knows the hearts of all man and I will not know the true motives of the hearts of men. So I've got no right to say or to judge that he's someone who loves God.)
I'm not made to love a godly man more than God.
In fact, this is a TRAP! IT'S A BAD THING!
All this are nothing. Not of ANY ETERNAL VALUE!
ITS WORSE THAN ANYTHING ELSE FOR IT REMAINS IN MY HEART FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME!
The Lord will not be pleased and this might even provoke Him to anger.
The Lord knows my heart and identified this problem.
For this very reason, I desire to let him go a while ago.
But time passed, I was bored or restless...
Having many friends who have a beautiful romance...
I desire to have someone whom I like to be around with me..
I desire of someone that could bring the best out of me, like no one else can do. I wanted it so badly till I lost control of myself...always imagine if he is with me that kind of thing.
So here again, I want this to be a reminder for myself...
That there is no creature hidden from His sight,
but all things are NAKED and OPEN to the eyes of Him to whom WE MUST GIVE ACCOUNT. -Heb 4:13
There'll be judgment. Because sin brough chaos within the system, and it's going against the character of God. Thus, sin and evil must be atoned for.
So sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon me.
I definitely cannot bear the wrath of God and His judgments,
its too great for me to bear...too scary to think of it...I cannot give any reasonable account to Him.
So, I desire for a change...different from the world.
People changed looks to look more attractive, more pleasing to the eyes of men.
But as for me, I desire to change my heart, to be only pleasing unto eyes of the Lord.
Ask me why...
because He first loved me...and He never gives up loving me day by day.
Alright, back to some of the things that has occurred..
it's nothing happening actually. only that particular struggle that I'd mentioned bothers me a lot.
I wore a shoe that gave me blisters all over my foot. Its painful. But somehow, it doesn't feel that pain anymore. Its a shoe that my brother bought for me. So glad to know that he's sweet to me. Its really a great privileged. U know...its like the kind of feeling that some one whom doesn't seems to care suddenly became so thoughtful and nice..that kind of joy that I felt when my brother bought that pair of shoe for me :)
I felt so blessed to have so many friends contacting me recently...
Cared for me...
Their actions does let me feel so blessed :)
I can't hope for more but only to thank God for them.
I hope that I'll show more care and concern to them too. Be more selfless and more considerate.
Bye readers!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
my prayer through a song...
Father, I know that all my live
Is portioned our for me,
the changes that are sure to come
I do not fear to see;
I ask Thee for a quiet mind
Intent on pleasing Thee.
I ask Thee for a thoughtful love,
Through constant watching wise,
To meet the glad with joyful smiles,
To wipe the weeping eyes;
A heart at leisure from itself,
To soothe and sympathize.
I would not have the restless will
That hurries to and fro,
Seeking for some great thing to do
Or secret thing to know,
I would be treated as a child,
guided where I go.
I ask Thee for daily strength
To none that asks denied;
A mind to blend with outward life,
While keeping at Thy side;
Content to fill a little space,
If Thou be glorified.
Wherever in the world I am,
In whatsoever estate,
I have a fellowship with hearts
To keep and cultivate,
A work of lowly love to do
For Him on Whom I wait.
In service which Thy will appoints
There are no bonds for me;
My inmost heart is taught the Truth
That makes Thy children free;
A life of self-renouncing love
Is one of liberty.
Amen.
Friday, July 30, 2010
What should I do?
Hey readers! [:
I had been doing my quiet time consistently yea? Though its 1am now... But I shall put my date as 31 July and bracket its for 30 july!
Well, I'm on a TIGHT budget. Thinking of bdae gift for my buddy and at the same time, I wanna rebond my fringe...and buy new shoes for myself. I guess I can't. :(
Hafta settle my friend's bdae gift first..den either do rebonding or new clothes/shoes. :(
HAISSS (sighs)
Well, I have to sacrifice my new shoes and rebonding den.
Okay..after blogging I know what to do! LOL!
As for new clothes, shall order in bulk with my friends. theres this online blogspot thinggy that sells clothes (nice Tee shirt) at 5.90/3.90 only! :D
Oh yea, by the way...
To let go of one person is definitely not easy.
The more you wanna let go...somehow the person keeps on appearing near me!
WHAT SHOULD I DOO when he's near me..?!?!?!
(Actually I just ignored)
bye readers! [:
I had been doing my quiet time consistently yea? Though its 1am now... But I shall put my date as 31 July and bracket its for 30 july!
Well, I'm on a TIGHT budget. Thinking of bdae gift for my buddy and at the same time, I wanna rebond my fringe...and buy new shoes for myself. I guess I can't. :(
Hafta settle my friend's bdae gift first..den either do rebonding or new clothes/shoes. :(
HAISSS (sighs)
Well, I have to sacrifice my new shoes and rebonding den.
Okay..after blogging I know what to do! LOL!
As for new clothes, shall order in bulk with my friends. theres this online blogspot thinggy that sells clothes (nice Tee shirt) at 5.90/3.90 only! :D
Oh yea, by the way...
To let go of one person is definitely not easy.
The more you wanna let go...somehow the person keeps on appearing near me!
WHAT SHOULD I DOO when he's near me..?!?!?!
(Actually I just ignored)
bye readers! [:
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Letting go is NOT EASY!!
Hey readers!
BAD NEWS BAD NEWS!!!
I just couldn't imagine I could get jealous over tiny winy things...
I'd browsed through the photo album which had so many pics of my crush and my friend (shes not close to me.)
She's like getting cuter and cuter...
Getting sporty and cool.
While I'm rotting away...UT fever and nothing.
Yupp...and my crush was there during her mini birthday celebration.
Its mini becos theres only, my crush's so called "mum", my crush himself, my friend's mom and herself. They even had like a amazing race, where they'll stalk her and leave postcards to give her clue to the destination (the place where they will celebrate her birthday!) They went singapore flyer...taking awesome loadds of pics (many of him and her..Urgh) and I never had a chance to even set a foot into the flyer...not to even say taking pics with him.. :((
And now I just couldn't revise A n P because I'm in the midst to control myself to start any conversation with him...I just cant talk to him in MSN...I just dunnoe why.. I just find it so hard to stop having this kinda feeling. It's totally messy and it terrible.
I dunnno why I like him in the first place.
*kay cool down*
Sorry, but I'm seriously venting my emotions here.
I hope it will not get any worse.
and I will only remember....
JESUS ONLY AND LET GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (of my crush)
bye readers [:
BAD NEWS BAD NEWS!!!
I just couldn't imagine I could get jealous over tiny winy things...
I'd browsed through the photo album which had so many pics of my crush and my friend (shes not close to me.)
She's like getting cuter and cuter...
Getting sporty and cool.
While I'm rotting away...UT fever and nothing.
Yupp...and my crush was there during her mini birthday celebration.
Its mini becos theres only, my crush's so called "mum", my crush himself, my friend's mom and herself. They even had like a amazing race, where they'll stalk her and leave postcards to give her clue to the destination (the place where they will celebrate her birthday!) They went singapore flyer...taking awesome loadds of pics (many of him and her..Urgh) and I never had a chance to even set a foot into the flyer...not to even say taking pics with him.. :((
And now I just couldn't revise A n P because I'm in the midst to control myself to start any conversation with him...I just cant talk to him in MSN...I just dunnoe why.. I just find it so hard to stop having this kinda feeling. It's totally messy and it terrible.
I dunnno why I like him in the first place.
*kay cool down*
Sorry, but I'm seriously venting my emotions here.
I hope it will not get any worse.
and I will only remember....
JESUS ONLY AND LET GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (of my crush)
bye readers [:
Monday, July 12, 2010
I'll let go. It's a better choice
Dear readers
Perhaps somehow, have you ever thought that for every person that walked into your life, have its purpose? What is it exactly? Have you all ever thought about that? Its a rather important question for you to think about...because just letting life pass and not trying to see the true purpose, does made life meaningless and made you feel lost.
Anyway, back to the secret crush thing... It hasn't been really good..nor has it been worse..
I just felt that I need to stop holding to those unrealistic hopes. I've been imaginating the things that we can do. The cookies that I MUST learn and the way I should treat you :) However, I feel that being in one sided love isn't any way near "productive". I had to let go of those thoughts, perhaps feelings too.
Letting go is when you have to let go something so precious (which you have been holding on to).
But giving out is when you felt the thing is something that you can't achieve ; something that you can't make it achievable (makes u feel hopeless) , or you just don't give a try and had never hold on to it.
Its just different...between letting go and giving up...
Let me give you an example:
Its like a guy loves a girl. And likewise for the girl too. But due to some difficult circumstances, the girl had let go of the feelings that she had for the guy. But if the guy knows that she's leaving and did not try to keep her to stay, he's giving up..and that's a total loser. If he made his best effort to try to keep the girl to stay, hugging her and don't let her go, he is not giving up. But if the girl choose to leave him still (probably for a good reason), and he decided to let her go, then he's not a total loser..
Because or perhaps, when you let go of something, you actually gained something too. WHAT'S THAT SOMETHING?! Its fact. Yes, it's fact. You'll then know that whether both of you are for each other. Cause if the girl realised that she had been thinking and she just needed him when shes far far away, she'll get back to him sooner or later.. So, if things are meant to be yours, it will be yours one day. I always believe that :D
Well, of course, there's a reason why we all have hormones. Its something that its involuntary..
My heart might be beating very fast when I see him, but I can stop myself from thinking of ways to get his attention! :]]
Let my life be only Yours, my Lord, my God...
Only You can take the first place in my heart.
Right now it's so so hard to focus on You......
I had been thinking about him too much.....
I see him in my dreams.. I love the way I could get to close to him...
But its not right. Just let my live my life freely in Your will.
BYE READERS! :]]
Perhaps somehow, have you ever thought that for every person that walked into your life, have its purpose? What is it exactly? Have you all ever thought about that? Its a rather important question for you to think about...because just letting life pass and not trying to see the true purpose, does made life meaningless and made you feel lost.
Anyway, back to the secret crush thing... It hasn't been really good..nor has it been worse..
I just felt that I need to stop holding to those unrealistic hopes. I've been imaginating the things that we can do. The cookies that I MUST learn and the way I should treat you :) However, I feel that being in one sided love isn't any way near "productive". I had to let go of those thoughts, perhaps feelings too.
Letting go is when you have to let go something so precious (which you have been holding on to).
But giving out is when you felt the thing is something that you can't achieve ; something that you can't make it achievable (makes u feel hopeless) , or you just don't give a try and had never hold on to it.
Its just different...between letting go and giving up...
Let me give you an example:
Its like a guy loves a girl. And likewise for the girl too. But due to some difficult circumstances, the girl had let go of the feelings that she had for the guy. But if the guy knows that she's leaving and did not try to keep her to stay, he's giving up..and that's a total loser. If he made his best effort to try to keep the girl to stay, hugging her and don't let her go, he is not giving up. But if the girl choose to leave him still (probably for a good reason), and he decided to let her go, then he's not a total loser..
Because or perhaps, when you let go of something, you actually gained something too. WHAT'S THAT SOMETHING?! Its fact. Yes, it's fact. You'll then know that whether both of you are for each other. Cause if the girl realised that she had been thinking and she just needed him when shes far far away, she'll get back to him sooner or later.. So, if things are meant to be yours, it will be yours one day. I always believe that :D
Well, of course, there's a reason why we all have hormones. Its something that its involuntary..
My heart might be beating very fast when I see him, but I can stop myself from thinking of ways to get his attention! :]]
Let my life be only Yours, my Lord, my God...
Only You can take the first place in my heart.
Right now it's so so hard to focus on You......
I had been thinking about him too much.....
I see him in my dreams.. I love the way I could get to close to him...
But its not right. Just let my live my life freely in Your will.
BYE READERS! :]]
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