Yes, my hopes on him are vanished. Although the news didn't surprise me, but I was kinda disappointed. Or rather, it affected me greatly. I can't, but to say how much it pains me every single time..
Why do I always fall in love with those who doesn't love me? Who doesn't care about me? These characters and qualities always attracts me so much.
If only you knew I had been waiting to spend this Christmas with you since last Christmas, will it make a diff?
The answer is clearly no. It's always No.
All I can do, and can be...is to move on and still be your loyal friend. If you didn't know, I am always here for you. I missed you all the time.. Continually checking my phone, continually looking for new movies or nice restaurants/place/things/happenings to ask you out - Just continually longing to meet you (in desperation).
Since now you have found the girl whom you love, so be it. I will not hinder but will give you my utmost sincere blessings to both of you. Be loved by her. Embrace her. I hope she'll be able to love you more than I could ever give.
As for me, I really hope that I will be able to meet the One and Only man who truly loves me, and that I will be able to fall in love with one and Only. If he could actually appear to me when I turn 22. I will be more than amazed.
Hey readers, if you hadn't know.. I made a promise since I was young. To only be attached when I turnt 22. Cause I simply love the number 22. I hope by next year, this curse will be lifted from my life.. and I won't continue to be so unfortunate in love.
:)
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Time flew - Dreadful moment in progress
Hi readers!
It's been about 2 months! These two months I've spent it entirely on studying and working..and unfortunately, falling sick. My health has been deteriorating...Diagnosed with illiotibial band syndrome. This IT band syndrome is common in athletes. So I guess my job nature has made me an athlete - climbing up and down the stairs, walking briskly to get things done ASAP. Oh wells.
Relationship wise? Still very unfortunate. Nothing worth mentioning at all I guess. I don't know if I should really continue to go after him till he realised that I really like him, or should I just stop cause it seems like he is still clueless and have no intention or does not like me at all.
So during these two months, I've spared myself from getting all up about him by numbing my senses with books and more lecture notes. It seems like he really doesn't care about me cause when I stopped talking to him for more than a month, he doesn't even try to catch up with me. ZERO chats.
Surely this makes me more disappointed in relationship because this has proven that I am really VERY UNFORTUNATE in love matters.
Tomorrow is my final examination and after this, I hope that I can regain back my confidence. And hopefully still have the strength to continue my pursuit :)
COME WHAT MAY.
It's been about 2 months! These two months I've spent it entirely on studying and working..and unfortunately, falling sick. My health has been deteriorating...Diagnosed with illiotibial band syndrome. This IT band syndrome is common in athletes. So I guess my job nature has made me an athlete - climbing up and down the stairs, walking briskly to get things done ASAP. Oh wells.
Relationship wise? Still very unfortunate. Nothing worth mentioning at all I guess. I don't know if I should really continue to go after him till he realised that I really like him, or should I just stop cause it seems like he is still clueless and have no intention or does not like me at all.
So during these two months, I've spared myself from getting all up about him by numbing my senses with books and more lecture notes. It seems like he really doesn't care about me cause when I stopped talking to him for more than a month, he doesn't even try to catch up with me. ZERO chats.
Surely this makes me more disappointed in relationship because this has proven that I am really VERY UNFORTUNATE in love matters.
Tomorrow is my final examination and after this, I hope that I can regain back my confidence. And hopefully still have the strength to continue my pursuit :)
COME WHAT MAY.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
the most dreadful thing approaching
Dear readers
Studies/examinations/work/projects..these dreadful things will come shortly..ALTOGETHER.
Am I prepared? I asked myself. The heart and brain both said, "No". Well, I can't seems to grasp how difficult life would be if I were to study and work at the same time. The thought of staying in Sg for another 4-5 years just destroys all the hopes I had for traveling.
I seriously can't wait for uni life to stop; yep, it haven't even started. I can't wait for these hardships to stop. I mean I just wanted to relax and chill. Having the financial freedom to get the things I want..and that's a house...followed by a home. If I am able to achieve that right now, I can die in peace.
The thing is that I've been working too hard. I gave up a lot a lot of my youth to this job. I need a break, a complete break from all the things. Like what he did. He traveled to japan alone. Do what he wants to do, go where he wants to go, that luxury of freedom, I can't seems to comprehend. Happiness seems to be long gone when I dwell in those thoughts of covet.
Yet though I felt unjust and resentful most of the times, He never fails to show His blessings. In my life, though I had many things that I didn't have like most of my friends do...but He blessed me with lots of good friends. I can't helped but to feel so loved by my friends. Tiffany, who is now gone to europe, has been the best company at all times. Her messages, her presence, her encouragement and empathy, really really made me feel that there's someone out there who cherished me, and truly cares for me.
Another friend happened to be a guy. I can't helped but to feel that he's everything to me. He certainly cares for me and was really helpful. I felt so happy and free when we head out to supper. This guy is really so nice. But yeah, I still didn't had that sort of feelings for him. Merely friends. sometimes I wished that he was somebody I like. This week, he's going to leave Sg to pursue his deg in Germany. I wanna wish him best of luck and continue to stay happy :)
Almost all of my beloved friends who can meet me up during the week are going overseas. I can't helped but to feel disappointed..and lousy. I hope, they'll keep me in their hearts. Today Kenneth jokingly said that it's kinda hard for people to forget me. Hahha I'm probably one of the most retarded girl in the world.
This month is my birthday month. I'm glad that I get to meet up with the peeps I didn't get to meet up with for months. And thats Kimmy, Nigel and Marcus.
After meeting marcus, I happened to bumped to Ryshi. He became even much more slimmer! but still, as entertaining as ever. :)
I'm blessed with friends afterall. Really glad that I've at least these people to make my life much more interesting.
Thank God, I hope you won't take my friends away. I want them to stay with me :)
Studies/examinations/work/projects..these dreadful things will come shortly..ALTOGETHER.
Am I prepared? I asked myself. The heart and brain both said, "No". Well, I can't seems to grasp how difficult life would be if I were to study and work at the same time. The thought of staying in Sg for another 4-5 years just destroys all the hopes I had for traveling.
I seriously can't wait for uni life to stop; yep, it haven't even started. I can't wait for these hardships to stop. I mean I just wanted to relax and chill. Having the financial freedom to get the things I want..and that's a house...followed by a home. If I am able to achieve that right now, I can die in peace.
The thing is that I've been working too hard. I gave up a lot a lot of my youth to this job. I need a break, a complete break from all the things. Like what he did. He traveled to japan alone. Do what he wants to do, go where he wants to go, that luxury of freedom, I can't seems to comprehend. Happiness seems to be long gone when I dwell in those thoughts of covet.
Yet though I felt unjust and resentful most of the times, He never fails to show His blessings. In my life, though I had many things that I didn't have like most of my friends do...but He blessed me with lots of good friends. I can't helped but to feel so loved by my friends. Tiffany, who is now gone to europe, has been the best company at all times. Her messages, her presence, her encouragement and empathy, really really made me feel that there's someone out there who cherished me, and truly cares for me.
Another friend happened to be a guy. I can't helped but to feel that he's everything to me. He certainly cares for me and was really helpful. I felt so happy and free when we head out to supper. This guy is really so nice. But yeah, I still didn't had that sort of feelings for him. Merely friends. sometimes I wished that he was somebody I like. This week, he's going to leave Sg to pursue his deg in Germany. I wanna wish him best of luck and continue to stay happy :)
Almost all of my beloved friends who can meet me up during the week are going overseas. I can't helped but to feel disappointed..and lousy. I hope, they'll keep me in their hearts. Today Kenneth jokingly said that it's kinda hard for people to forget me. Hahha I'm probably one of the most retarded girl in the world.
This month is my birthday month. I'm glad that I get to meet up with the peeps I didn't get to meet up with for months. And thats Kimmy, Nigel and Marcus.
After meeting marcus, I happened to bumped to Ryshi. He became even much more slimmer! but still, as entertaining as ever. :)
I'm blessed with friends afterall. Really glad that I've at least these people to make my life much more interesting.
Thank God, I hope you won't take my friends away. I want them to stay with me :)
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Something that came along while I was surfing the net
I don't say that it's true for everybody. but this author went through the same thoughts and the "what-she-would-do".
This is quoted from the thought catalogue by
"Of course there are other things I am super awkward about – like when a guy I am attracted to is near me. I can usually barely form the words, “Hello” or I play the eye-game where I stare until he looks in my direction and of course when he does, I’ll look away. Or I try to act like a super impressive human being which in my head often involves raising my voice and talking about something interesting. And I’ll be lucky if the whole ordeal doesn’t pass without me tripping over something. All of this only happens if I decide to stay within the same vicinity rather than run away; because in my head it is absolutely normal to run from being around someone you find attractive."
This is quoted from the thought catalogue by
"Of course there are other things I am super awkward about – like when a guy I am attracted to is near me. I can usually barely form the words, “Hello” or I play the eye-game where I stare until he looks in my direction and of course when he does, I’ll look away. Or I try to act like a super impressive human being which in my head often involves raising my voice and talking about something interesting. And I’ll be lucky if the whole ordeal doesn’t pass without me tripping over something. All of this only happens if I decide to stay within the same vicinity rather than run away; because in my head it is absolutely normal to run from being around someone you find attractive."
Sunday, June 30, 2013
My life mission statement
Mission Statement: Strive for excellence and make a difference while doing it with love because love endureth.
What is life when all we do is chasing after an illusive dream which would eventually fade away?
Therefore,
To God, I'll fear and obey.
To my beloved family and friends, I'll embrace them with love and care,
To the community, I'll make a difference and entrust them to the care of the Lord,
To my dear employer, I'll strive for excellence,
And finally to my one and only true love, I'll cherish you, love you more than I love myself (but of course you have to exist, cause right now, I ain't have any)
PS: WHEN I DIE, I want my tombstone to install free WiFi, so that other people will visit me more often :))
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
If you ask me if I love him, I'd lie
I do believe that boys play games and a man doesn't.
I do believe he's still a boy, not a man yet. Neither I have grown to be a woman yet.
Not seasoned, and I definitely agree that he's doing the least to get the most attraction and attention.
I've been attracted so much to this kinda type of guys. Care less, don't bother and just faking smiles to get it through. I've been so hooked up by his minimal interest in me.. I just wonder if this has ever crossed his mind.
I could only say, I am still waiting.
I do believe he's still a boy, not a man yet. Neither I have grown to be a woman yet.
Not seasoned, and I definitely agree that he's doing the least to get the most attraction and attention.
I've been attracted so much to this kinda type of guys. Care less, don't bother and just faking smiles to get it through. I've been so hooked up by his minimal interest in me.. I just wonder if this has ever crossed his mind.
I could only say, I am still waiting.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
perplexed - confused - bewildered
Hello readers
It doesn't seems to end after the DnD..
In fact two days after the DnD, we met up.
There, the forgetful dude forgot to bring the tickets.
Initially I thought he was kidding. BUT, IT WAS TRUE!
HE DIDN'T KID ME. I was secretly hoping that he was joking, but it really turns out to be true.
Another blessing in disguise I guess.. get to go catch a movie with him for the first time.
It was damm awkward to watch a movie that has intimacy scenes. The peeps in the movie theater were mostly couples and to go out with him as a friend, it's just weird. Not only watching movie..even dining out and walking around the shopping malls...are just a couple thing. It's pretty awkward. ANDDDD, I had such a headache to decide on a movie to watch..so many movies on sex and love. I just wanna watch action movie with him so it wouldn't get awkward. BUT, HE WATCHED SO MANY MOVIES ALREADY.
I really love both the DnD and the movie date. I mean, its the first time I felt that he treats me like a lady. He pulled the chair for me during DnD and did a great job as a partner. He was a funny and lil sweet dude that day. Although he merely commented that the fairy lady looks good, I just wanna disturb him. HAHA, he got sabotaged by me. Made him took a pic with the fairy lady that he thinks is pretty. :P He chats with me and laughs. Accompanied me and show me the way to the washroom. He did a great job :) The disappointing part was I didn't get to enchant him. I was really hoping that we could have a heart to heart talk during that evening..but I just let it passed. Sighs, I was all out for him that day..but I just couldn't take down my pride and put on courage to approach. I wasn't confident..he seems to treat me like a friend, with no exact interest shown.. So therefore I..I just didn't dare to confess. Anw, besides the food and games..the most exciting part was the lucky draw!!! Although I missed the lumix camera by one digit, I ended up getting the 14th place. I tot the prizes are the same for all 350 winners..BUT, it turns out that the 11th-16th winners got ipad mini! Woohoo, it's my first time that I've gotten such a good lucky prize ever :D He's my lucky star. I got lucky!
I felt really blessed these days.. Although the emotional part wasn't really well recovered, but everything in my life was made brighter when he's there with me. Not only I have off days to look forward to, I get to enjoy myself pretty much. Take a breather...relax, enjoy good scenery, good food and bioh-ing at hot girls!! haha! I really treasure and cherish those moments..I can't believe that tears are starting to well up in my eyes. After all the DOWNs, these are certainly the UPs. I really don't want these moments to pass me by.
Anw, I love the movie date was because, he was kind enough to carry my stuffs..AND...IT'S THE FIRST TIME I HEARD HIM APOLOGISED.
He said he was sorry for today. I should have punished him by making him to play badminton with me when I want to. HaHa. But I just replied that he's forgiven. How easy for him..
Finally after the movie date, we started to meet up agn for the flower dome!!! I was so excited! I imagined all the things we can do that day and....it turns out to be the predictable kind. :( I didn't manage to do a good job there I guess. ah well, we had a long walk to the flyer. Its agn...awkward..cause it turns out that there are sooo many couples and couples everywhere. ALL THE WAY FROM THE MRT STATION > DRAGONFLY BRIDGE > FLOWER DOME > OUTSIDE FLOWER DOME > DNA HELIX > FLYER. SOOOOO MANY COUPLES. Danggg.
Its too romantic alrdy. I don't likey cos he's not my bf bf bf!!!!
I suddenly got this idea in my head. cos I typed to fast and bf turns out to be fb. Fb was the "THING" for both of us..How we chat and met and sparks flew instantly. If I'd confess...I would say this, "Why I fb chat you because I want you to be the opposite of fb..which is bf." GOOD IDEA? hahaha
Anw, I jio-ed him out agn the next day for badminton. He SHOWED UP! He didn't go on MC DATE! I'm starting to believe the things that he said. I was thinking to myself why would he lie to me? I was quite taken aback when I saw SJ's profile pic. She definitely looks gorgeous and flirty. That flirtatious dress that allows her to showcase her asserts. Surely he'd drool.. He told me that he couldn't make it on wednesday..and that was the day she uploaded the picture. I tot surely he must have met her..and prolly took that pic of her.. It was only today that I realized he's not the one who took that pic of her and he prolly didn't meet her that day. Cos the photo credit was another guy which isn't his friend. I shouldn't have worried much..I should have just ask him about things I'm unsure of isn't it? Isn't that more straightforward? Well, I guess I wasn't sure of how I really felt about him. So many times, my heart says he's the right one. But there are times when I think about it, my heart says he's not the right one. I'm really confused.
WILL THERE BE A SIGN? What about this...If he's interested in me, thats the sign. If theres no signs of interest, let him go, but before letting him go, tell him how I felt about him and den let him go. cause I don't wanna have any more regrets.
Anw, the badminton date was fun. I guess I scare the shit out of him by being so rough and violent. I'm definitely a gangster to him today :/ OH WELLs.
It doesn't seems to end after the DnD..
In fact two days after the DnD, we met up.
There, the forgetful dude forgot to bring the tickets.
Initially I thought he was kidding. BUT, IT WAS TRUE!
HE DIDN'T KID ME. I was secretly hoping that he was joking, but it really turns out to be true.
Another blessing in disguise I guess.. get to go catch a movie with him for the first time.
It was damm awkward to watch a movie that has intimacy scenes. The peeps in the movie theater were mostly couples and to go out with him as a friend, it's just weird. Not only watching movie..even dining out and walking around the shopping malls...are just a couple thing. It's pretty awkward. ANDDDD, I had such a headache to decide on a movie to watch..so many movies on sex and love. I just wanna watch action movie with him so it wouldn't get awkward. BUT, HE WATCHED SO MANY MOVIES ALREADY.
I really love both the DnD and the movie date. I mean, its the first time I felt that he treats me like a lady. He pulled the chair for me during DnD and did a great job as a partner. He was a funny and lil sweet dude that day. Although he merely commented that the fairy lady looks good, I just wanna disturb him. HAHA, he got sabotaged by me. Made him took a pic with the fairy lady that he thinks is pretty. :P He chats with me and laughs. Accompanied me and show me the way to the washroom. He did a great job :) The disappointing part was I didn't get to enchant him. I was really hoping that we could have a heart to heart talk during that evening..but I just let it passed. Sighs, I was all out for him that day..but I just couldn't take down my pride and put on courage to approach. I wasn't confident..he seems to treat me like a friend, with no exact interest shown.. So therefore I..I just didn't dare to confess. Anw, besides the food and games..the most exciting part was the lucky draw!!! Although I missed the lumix camera by one digit, I ended up getting the 14th place. I tot the prizes are the same for all 350 winners..BUT, it turns out that the 11th-16th winners got ipad mini! Woohoo, it's my first time that I've gotten such a good lucky prize ever :D He's my lucky star. I got lucky!
I felt really blessed these days.. Although the emotional part wasn't really well recovered, but everything in my life was made brighter when he's there with me. Not only I have off days to look forward to, I get to enjoy myself pretty much. Take a breather...relax, enjoy good scenery, good food and bioh-ing at hot girls!! haha! I really treasure and cherish those moments..I can't believe that tears are starting to well up in my eyes. After all the DOWNs, these are certainly the UPs. I really don't want these moments to pass me by.
Anw, I love the movie date was because, he was kind enough to carry my stuffs..AND...IT'S THE FIRST TIME I HEARD HIM APOLOGISED.
He said he was sorry for today. I should have punished him by making him to play badminton with me when I want to. HaHa. But I just replied that he's forgiven. How easy for him..
Finally after the movie date, we started to meet up agn for the flower dome!!! I was so excited! I imagined all the things we can do that day and....it turns out to be the predictable kind. :( I didn't manage to do a good job there I guess. ah well, we had a long walk to the flyer. Its agn...awkward..cause it turns out that there are sooo many couples and couples everywhere. ALL THE WAY FROM THE MRT STATION > DRAGONFLY BRIDGE > FLOWER DOME > OUTSIDE FLOWER DOME > DNA HELIX > FLYER. SOOOOO MANY COUPLES. Danggg.
Its too romantic alrdy. I don't likey cos he's not my bf bf bf!!!!
I suddenly got this idea in my head. cos I typed to fast and bf turns out to be fb. Fb was the "THING" for both of us..How we chat and met and sparks flew instantly. If I'd confess...I would say this, "Why I fb chat you because I want you to be the opposite of fb..which is bf." GOOD IDEA? hahaha
Anw, I jio-ed him out agn the next day for badminton. He SHOWED UP! He didn't go on MC DATE! I'm starting to believe the things that he said. I was thinking to myself why would he lie to me? I was quite taken aback when I saw SJ's profile pic. She definitely looks gorgeous and flirty. That flirtatious dress that allows her to showcase her asserts. Surely he'd drool.. He told me that he couldn't make it on wednesday..and that was the day she uploaded the picture. I tot surely he must have met her..and prolly took that pic of her.. It was only today that I realized he's not the one who took that pic of her and he prolly didn't meet her that day. Cos the photo credit was another guy which isn't his friend. I shouldn't have worried much..I should have just ask him about things I'm unsure of isn't it? Isn't that more straightforward? Well, I guess I wasn't sure of how I really felt about him. So many times, my heart says he's the right one. But there are times when I think about it, my heart says he's not the right one. I'm really confused.
WILL THERE BE A SIGN? What about this...If he's interested in me, thats the sign. If theres no signs of interest, let him go, but before letting him go, tell him how I felt about him and den let him go. cause I don't wanna have any more regrets.
Anw, the badminton date was fun. I guess I scare the shit out of him by being so rough and violent. I'm definitely a gangster to him today :/ OH WELLs.
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