Only a life live for Him, is a life worthwhile

Writing down the advice from whom I love

2012-02-02T07:12:00.000-08:00

Being a nice person and being a godly person, it's just a line apart...
He shared this during YP's leader farewell bbq night...
It feels as though he just left last night..
*fond memories*

A reflection of 2011

2011-12-28T09:57:00.001-08:00

The end of 2011 is approaching, yet at the same time, the start of 2012 is arriving too.

This year (2011) has been a year full of emotions. Happy, mania, anxiety, worried, troubled, depressed, excitment..A year that I longed to be loved, longed to be with him, excitied about every meeting with him in an event or gathering. A year full of him, and just him alone. Right up till now, I'm still missing him a lot.. Just watched the skit we acted in YC'08, hearing him singing "And I thank you Lord". When I felt that I don't love him or don't feel bad when I don't miss or even think about him, I felt relieved. Because for many many months, or since I ever had a feeling for him, I was worried, and want this feeling to be get rid of soon. I was worried to end up like what I am now..jealous, covet, selfish ambitions etc. All has shown up this year at its peak. I've experienced so much pain, and for the thousands tears I've shed, I'm sorry. I've failed.

I wasn't expecting anytime great next year because it's going to really challenging..And I'm quite worried that I'm so poor, so slow and so unprepared. Why? I'm worried that I couldn't get into uni. I was thinking about signing on, going to army so that they can sponsor my uni education. I was also worried about my part-time or full-time job..whether to be a pharm tech or go IMCB to look out for any job vacancies. My finance are going to be really tied. And up till now, I'm worried that when he's back next year, I could hardly see him around. THIS IS MY BIGGEST WORRY AMONG THE WORRIES.

Any new year resolution? I wished for the flesh to be strong, spirit to be strong, no devil's voice, being a perfect child of God. Be a healthy babe with no tummy, less bulky thighs, and more boobs. :P I want a good health with a good looking body shape. At least when I wear clothes, it will fit perfectly. :)

Any steps or plans? I wish I can talk to God more and hear what He have to say about my life and my future. I wish I can have an evening jog everyday. Hopefully, there won't be rain when im running or before running.

Wishing all the best for next year! :) Wishing all the best for you readers too! :)

BYE READERS :]

beat my score

2011-12-17T05:45:00.001-08:00

love bejewel-ing :D:D

ARGH!!!!

2011-11-27T10:02:00.001-08:00

If fb was a person, I'm so gonna kill it. He replied like 5 minutes after my post and I didn't see it when I refreshed the page. and he's like offline?!?!?!?!?!?!??!! oh nevermind, at least I get to see his reply! and I'M SO GLAD HE REPLIED SOON AFTER MY POST! :DDD loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee <3

disappointed, anxious, worried, hopes down

2011-11-27T09:26:00.000-08:00

These emotions can be felt when I'd pinned so much hope that he'd reply and we'll have a fruitful chat and for the past 22 minutes, there's still not a single response.

I start to wonder, if it was the girl that he used to like, will he ignore her convo...pretending not to see it?? I felt insignificant again. :( Wad am I thinking mann, okay, study. ignore him.

I have so much to say

2011-11-25T08:37:00.000-08:00

Dear readers

I was really touched by my dad. After he heard that I havent had chilli crab for so long, he went to buy the crabs and my mom cooked them! The crabs were really fresh and I just felt that it's super heart warming. Such a warm and lovely parents I have..

I couldn't help but to praise my parents at that point of time :) 24/11/2011 - Remember this day. The smiles, the jokes, the crazy laughter...lazy talk...all together with the family :) what a heart warming day..

Somehow during the week, I finally convinced myself to muster up the courage to talk to him..
But everytime I see him online, I always have this thought in my mind: "is this the best time to talk to him? What if he's busy or I disturb him?" So ended up didn't talk to him..

Just like today..I had this thought when I see him online. And true enough, he offline pretty soon after I click on his conversation.. So agn, I didn't get to talk to him...

I have got so many to say...so many things to ask...so many things that I wanted to know..but well, I always didn't get the chance. I felt that emailing him is too formal...so he might suspect something..anw, I didn't even email my other overseas friends :/ so wad's more he's a guy..

I wanted to let you know...
The troubles that I face day to day..(gaining weight such that my tummy is bigger den my boob and my friend also called ben said this to me, "SHOW ME!" and I went, "hahahhahaa NO WAY!"
The funny things that pops out during these two months. (pigeon came in my house, my butt got touched by someone during YP games session: dog and bone)
That questions that I have in my mind (like how's berlin and school, friends, any nice FOOD and managed to find a church? have you tried ben's cookie? haha. Wanna see ur haircut.)
I wanna see u face to face (please webcam with me)

But it never happened this two months...

Rather the things that happened these two months was...
just thinking about the times that I had so much fun when you were there with me.
words that cracked me up, smiles that lift me up :) I love those expression when u found me so crazily weird. But do you know, you make me crazier, crazier. Feels like I'm falling and I'm lost in your eyes.. I really really miss you. Oh! you're online now! :D Issit cause u managed to feel what my heart is feeling now, so u appeared (online)?

BYE READERS!

Family ties

2011-11-19T06:53:00.000-08:00

I went to find a list of phrases to describe an annoying person and I found this phrase best, "There's nothing more boring than listening to people who talk merely to hear the sound of their own voice". This is exactly what I'll do when someone scolds me a fucker. Believe it a not, that's my sis who scolds me this.

I wondered, why she wanna scold me a fucker? Does she wanna be a fucker's sister?
Well anw, I'll just treat it as a useless talk when she says nasty things about me.

I feel that siblings should have a close relationship. In fact, MANY (OR TONs) of my friends around me...they don't share a close relationship with their siblings which I think is really SAD.
Seriously...The problem is that when we know each other so well, we couldn't care about each other's feelings, having a higher expectations of our siblings, and in the end, we just try to avoid any convo with each other so that we won't have any unnecessary arguments or fights.

I feel that we all should feel each other's position, be it whether you're the eldest or younger or youngest in the family and hence treat our siblings nicely too, like how we treat our friends...Think about what is their first reaction before trying to put across anything nasty. There should be more concern and more bonding between siblings. I don't see why is there not a need to. If people in the family can get along so well, it makes the house so filled with warmth and happiness..creating memories...because for one thing, we won't get to live with our siblings forever. They would most likely be married and have their own house. So why not do it? Care more about ur siblings and when they have any troubles, they'll seek ur help..or have a shoulder to cry on. So next time, when things suddenly happened, they would be the one who's the nearest to you, lending you a shoulder to cry on. And of course, way more than that.

All this time, I always wanted someone who can understand me best. My cues, the way I speak, the tone...Well, I do have friends like that..but somehow, we're all very physical far from each other.. :(

It'll be great if my great friends were in my school with me everyday, stay near my house so that we can play with each other. Sighs..

Anw, I know that I'm asking too much.. wish I could be a little more contented.

come back soon

2011-11-07T07:20:00.000-08:00

I was totally disappointed with the options I left if I were to graduate from RP now. Apparently I should have taken a look at the number of schools in singapore that offer pharmacy course and that I can graduate from that uni with a cert that Singapore's pharmacy recognises. So, after checking it out, there's only one option, NUS pharmacy. AND THAT'S A TOTAL IMPOSSIBLE SCHOOL TO ENTER. Not only with my gpa thats less than 3.5 now, but also it's COMPEITIVE ENTRY. I can stop dreaming of going there cos many who wants to pursue doctor (medicine) ended up pursuing in pharmacy. and mind you...all those peeps that I'm talking about are those that have As in their A level cert. So it definitely beats all other poly students. In order to do so, I have to go overseas for 4 years to get that cert. :( AND IT'S SO EXPENSIVE! I might as well go buy a 3 room flat and stay happily ever after. I'm not joking, it's SGD$123,000++ and what about living expenses? (I may need another SGD$30,000++) It's soooooo DISAPPOINTING. I really don't wanna spend my life being in debt because of overseas studiesss.

The other option, is to pursue other courses. Music could be another option..cos I got distinction for gr 8 and quite a fair grade for music Os. But, I really don't really have that passion as compared to pharmacy. I wanna compound drugs and feel really professional, helping others. But now, it's really really disappointing.

I don't know what I'll choose...but well, I've decided to look for a pharm tech job after my diploma. Don't know how long I'd stay, but if I ever get promoted in 3 years time, I will say bye to uni.

more den a month of silence

2011-10-27T10:48:00.000-07:00

I need your words...and found them so inspiring..
"God really showed me how important trusting in Him was."
Such sharing from his blog really prompts me to look at my relationship with God....I'm too ashamed to face God...I'm not worthy to be love by the man I love..He loves God so deeply...and as for me...It's another way round.

*Cries*

I still see you in my dream...dream guy

2011-10-20T08:58:00.000-07:00

Dear readers

A lot of things have been going through my mind...
But one thing that I was most worried about is my childhood friend who seems to be so distant..and I'm kinda afraid to lose the close bonding that I have with her... I get pretty upset by her coldness which I can feel it and I get disappointed or rather hurt when I see her faceless expression.. It's just not right... Stupid uni...make so many people stress until have sucidal thoughts and/or depressed and/or sians. So many peeps around me are those victims..I really hope time will fly and they can quickly enjoy life without worrying about the tons of things to read, to work on, to think on and to do the next day. It really sucks to see the tortured looks from my peeps.

I wonder how is she likee...and how things are like for her.

Anyway, back to him...I dreamt often about him and have been imagining if only I could sing well, I will sing songs of confession to him..I felt that dropping hints that way is cool and perhaps he might even show more interest to me because I have such a power voice with such power emotions.. But that's only if I have those power voice...which is impossiblee..

Ah well..I had a BIG EYE CANDY...some guy from my sch. He looks decent..and fair...and cute...but pretty much different from ben. He's a very kind and helpful guy and I like to have causal conversations with him...just feel pretty comfortable being myself and expressing myself..and the best thing is that I don't feel nervy at all! I always get to see him on wed and I keep on thinking back on the wed morning..where I bumped to him outside the lab and he's just walking past me and looked into my eyes quickly. I'm kinda excited to see him in school..if I don't see him on wed, I think I'll get really disappointed. But well...he's just an eye candy.. :) Gosh..I better not fall in love because I'm lonely mann..

what is the true meaning of missing someone?

2011-10-17T23:50:00.001-07:00

Missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you have seen them or the amount of time since u've talked. It's about that very moment when you find yourself doing something and wishing that they were right there by your side..

I've been missing you a lot...even before you leave..

when there's feelings, things will be complicated.

2011-10-13T09:16:00.001-07:00

dear HEART..please don't fall in love because I'm lonely..prepare to be ready and stay strong..this is all I am asking of myself.

I won't ask this to you..but I'd rather give my wounded heart and broken toys to Him

2011-10-13T09:11:00.001-07:00

I've been hurt...

2011-10-13T09:10:00.000-07:00

this is what I have been doing...waiting for you..and you are..

2011-10-13T09:09:00.000-07:00

I will never know what is being strong like...until..

2011-10-13T09:07:00.002-07:00

Ya..why do I feel this way?

2011-10-13T09:07:00.001-07:00

Painful jokes

2011-10-13T09:04:00.001-07:00

Should I smile because we're friends or cry because that's all we'll ever be?

2011-10-13T08:55:00.001-07:00

You know I haven't seen you awhile

2011-10-09T09:47:00.001-07:00

I wasn't desperate..
In fact if everyday was a that saturday, it will be just fine. I could feel loneliness and being so distance from you. Even when you're around, I don't talk to you. Just because I don't talk to you, doesn't mean that I don't love you. I have to stay at a distance because I know I can't have you..

I miss you a lot today. I was focusing my eyes on the newsletter (sep-oct) issue. And I simply love those pictures :)

anw, saturday was a BUMping session.
I saw ksoon at the bustop, rp friend which is jason at the mrt and jer jee while I was walking home. I get to talk a lot and shared a lot yeah. Anw, I guess I get to BUMp to alot of pple because I have a BIG BUM. hahaaa! all thanks to chicken.

Well, sunday..which is today...I spent almost my whole day sms-ing pple talking about really random stuffs like telling nick kan that fried chicken wings are therapeutic and he told me when he's sad, he'll emo one corner and start eating chicken.. and to jonlee, I was talking about my piano stuff as usual. Oh! He said that he likes my yellow dress! I love my yellow dress too! :D
And to yin san, I msged her just one word, "Hi". and she's like why so random?! And I said," OH YESSS! I'VE SENT YOU THE SHORTEST MESSAGE EVER!" and she was like, "ARE YOU ON CHICKEN OR SOMETHING?!" Well, to magg, I've said, "So have you managed to clear your bowels? (this is a serious question). If you haven't done it, don't worry. because I haven't cleared mine." And she's like CRAZIEEE GIRL! To jer jee, I've continued our conversation from last night and I started to talk about BUM agn and I said why are we talking about BUM? can we change to buns instead? And he replied, "Oh yes! about buns, they are nice to eat!" I wanted to laugh so badly but I can't cos I was at a wake.

hahaha! well, I love responses. Cheering others up = cheering myself up too. VERY THERAPEUTIC. but I don't actually cheer people up just for myself all the times, but it's just MOST OF THE TIME. :)

sighs. I JUST WANNA HEAR SOMETHING FROM YOU..REALLY FEEL LIKE TELLING YOU THAT I've dreamt that u've got kidnap. and I felt really really happy to see you fine and getting online. LOVEE YOU STILL PRETTY A LOT.

As I was walking

2011-10-02T07:44:00.000-07:00

As I was walking and shopping at IKEA, all my mind was thinking about this..
1) If only I have the money...
2) If only you and I are together...

I couldn't stop missing u afterwards.
I boarded the same bus as his mum..His mum doesn't know me...so we didn't speak. Just that it kinda felt really strange and distance when I was talking to seowfei and kitsoon and she was just standing there..all quiet.

mmm...why should I be so nervy? Relaxxxxx and chillllllllllllllll

ANNOYYYYYINGGGG

2011-09-28T09:06:00.000-07:00

YOUR SLOWNESS TO RESPOND JUST ANNOYED ME.
And true enough, u've ignored what I've commented.

*annoying fella*

LOVE WEEKENDS

2011-09-25T07:41:00.000-07:00

This weekend was well enjoyed by meee!
It's much more fun with people hanging around you :)

I felt that I wasn't lonely today. There's a group of friends to have lunch with me, play monopoly deal, to watch movie and yinsan to pei me to gospel service. :) I don't have to camp in church and slp in that tiny kid's room alone.

Though I'm really tired due to deprived of sleep, but my emotional state was lifted up..so much so that I've loadds of energy to keep going on.

I really hope that my weekends will be well enjoyed...every moment will be less lonely...
I felt really relax without having to worry whether he's around to look at my actions and behaviour. And I don't have to keep on frantically looking everywhere for him to make sure he's still there that kinda thing.

Truly, I felt really blessed despite of the sinful things that I've been dong. I know I really have to stop thinking about him and focus on God. Because God is the only one which can provide and grant me special joy and blessings to enjoy :) Thank you God for the blessings that I've received. I don't deserve it, but You've really shown kindness and grace to me. :) I felt really happy with friends around me :) Surely this is one of the weekends which I'll rmb in my heart. Brightening and relaxed.

I prolly have already given up in waiting for ben unknowingly...if my heart unknowingly forgets about him, I'd not regret. Rather, I'd really feel happy about that. Because I don't have to suffer from un-reciprocrated love! :)

I really feel like talking to you know...wanna ask when u starting sch and all...
but I feel that u prolly wouldn't like to talk to me...or find me disturbing..
Don't know why my heart thinks of you this way...perharps things are getting really colder..
and so do my heart. it'll eventually be solidified to ice.

6 days of absence, 6 days worth of feelings

2011-09-23T09:18:00.000-07:00

Hi readers,

This is a month full of happenings...
Experienced sweetness, warmth yet and the same time experienced bitterness, anguish..as though there was a lost of life.

Certainly, even though it was just an animal, but the ones that brought happiness to the house so much can never be forgotten. I'm sure a lot of you might be wondering what was I referring to..it's none than the sparrow called xiaoya.

Although I have never give an account of xiaoya in this blog, but the stories of xiaoya were mentioned among my friends. The stories of xiaoya eating durian, sleeping on my hand, telling about the food he eat, pecking on my hand until it bleeds, thinking that xiaoya was a mynah but it turns out to be a sparrow, flying to me when I called "ji ji ji" once I reached home, flying out of the house twice and my parents managed to find and get it back and of cos, how I've felt about that special bird.

Xiaoya was indeed a bird that brought so much happiness to the house through the good and bad times and he was like part of the family. A baby. Watching it growing up to be a grown up sparrow was truly a joy. This bird was friendly to strangers, allow them to gently stroke on him, feed him and even dares to sleep on a human's hand. I can never forget that he has such a warm body and I carried him to sleep with me. When xiaoya woke up from sleep, the first thing he will do is to stretch it's leg, den both it's wings and position himself to poop. So I always hurried myself to make xiaoya to stand on my fingers so that it can poop and drop on the floor or newspaper. :) Truly, Xiaoya is a bird that no other birds can replace him.

Xiaoya isn't a bird who doesn't fear anything. It fears darkness and BIG objects. So whenever we carry objects like bags with us, xiaoya quickly flew away to the high places like the curtains and clocks! :x

Xiaoya was a lonely bird...having no friends to play with him. But he still tries to make the effort to show us that he needed attention and love. So he plays with us, flying from hand to hand..cleaning it's beak on our hands, tidying up it's feathers on our hands, even pooped on our hands too :S

But somehow, I think that xiaoya is an attractive bird. It attracts other sparrows to fly into the house. Several times, I caught xiaoya flying with the sparrow and I keep calling "ji ji ji" and it flew back to the house agn.

However this time round, due to my carelessness and being soporific, xiaoya flew out of the house without me knowing. My mum was really upset and disappointed with me. And thus, I was known as useless the whole day.. This happened just before my birthday..
I couldn't believe and I went on shaking the beams, but xiaoya didn't come out. I was so worried.
I didn't get the anguish feeling yet until xiaoya was missing till night time. It broke and sours my heart to see my mum looking for xiaoya desperately, going up and down the stairs, and everywhere in the neighbourhood and kept calling, "ji ji ji!" It was worse that I saw her tears and worried face. She was depressed. She doesn't even feeling like going out nowadays..

However this incident does not kept me away from thinking of ben. I kept on waiting for his wishes to wish me happy birthday on facebook..it didn't happened. Not this yr, not last yr, not last last yr, not last last last yr.. I told myself to look forward to next yr..but I think it'll not likely happen that he'll wish me too..such simple words...I don't even deserve to receive it from him...

Argh well, although he's the major cause of my pain and depression, I don't intent to let this pain continue to pierce through my heart. I just hope that it stops right now..I'm just disappointed that he didn't even thought of me even during my birthday. The best remedy for now is that he'd think about me and lemme know that..or just a simple happy belated bdae wld be fine..

But it's okay..he's not a close friend or even a friend that I'd go to comfortably. Probably this is a sign that we're not meant to be..and my feelings are meant to be gone for good. just dunnoe why even with this in mind, i still keep on fixing my eyes on him.

My mind kept on going back to the night before he left...I keep on wandering whether he has received my msg to him before he left. My heart tells me that he did and didn't care to reply. My mind tells me that he didn't because I saw a picture of another phone in his fb pic with mor. Prolly he changed his number too.... Even had a nightmare on that night... well, I kept regretting in my heart that I didn't send him off..Just hate that scene...I'd prolly cry..I'd prolly be caught up in jealousy agn..seeing how he and his (ex)dreamgirl taking pics together and talking...I'd prolly be left out somewhere because he got so many people to talk to...and I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't be standing there to talk to me. Because even at his farewell gathering, he didn't approach me to talk about stuff..what's more when there's his (ex)dreamgirl around and other close friends? I'm just an extra..

Hate to be in this way but what else can I do but to tolerate...

Even though some things are not working out or going the way I wanted, but how often I hold on to it so tightly for the fact that I don't wanna lose it. But here's the point that I've realised that the more I cling to it, the more I find myself losing it. I've realised this fact for a long time...the time where I've decided to let go..how often I'm finding myself still holding tightly to it...I'm still unable to persuade myself to let go..and now...I'm finally losing it all...Such a consequence to bear..such grief..such misery...where's all my relationship with God? it's tarnished...ruin... I gained nothing..not even ben.

Bye readers

still feeling pissed? not anymore! :D

2011-09-20T08:32:00.000-07:00

I just need to know that u're happy and safe.
When u're happy, I'm happy too.

torn

2011-09-19T07:49:00.001-07:00

it seems like she's got everything that I've to live without.

there're moments...

2011-09-18T09:01:00.000-07:00

Dear (ben)

There are moments in my life where I'm wonder-strucked, blushing all the way home..esp the time you supported me with ur hands when I almost fell to the ground.

There are moments in my life that I couldn't stop thinking about you.. So I went on the ur page, clicked onto the picture of you, and freeze it on my phone.

There are moments in my life that I've the urge to see you, screaming in my heart, "I NEED YOU NOW!"

But there're also moments in my life that the pain was so great, that I felt numbed to those feelings.

There are moments in my life where the pain was killing me when we're not speaking, or when I purposed my heart to stay away from you.

There are moments in my life I hope that you unknowingly figure out that you're significant to me.

There are moments in my life that I can't breathe when u held my wrist during a game.

There are moments in my life that I've always wanted to say, "I love you, superman. You're everything that I wanted."

There are moments in my life that I keep saying this in my heart, "Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't let me wait on you. Come back, and I'll be with you someday."

These are the words that I've held back until I see you again..or prolly even not when I see you again..

Whatever it is, agony arises when no miracles happened during these few months...and even before you left, you did not reply back my message. I was waiting the whole day, so much so that I even had a nightmare. The pain of insignificance starts to pierce right through my heart..

Welling up tears in my tears I said this, "am I really nothing to you?" The question of insignificance has never been answered, and it will never be..and I'll never know. It's a mystery...

Whatever the outcome might be, I know that I've truly been in love with you. And I love you so, even though it has never been recipocrated.

With lots of love, your secret admirer, the scariest person in ur life
Shi Ting

Troubled

2011-08-21T05:38:00.000-07:00

Gosh, it's so troubling.

He's leaving in 28 days. And it's not like I can see him everyday. :(
I'd really miss him so much. I mean seriously. My mind is so troubled. So So troubled. I keep telling myself see now, I can feel relax, so try to feel relax. But now, I can't do it..
I'm in AGONY now. It's such a pain.. I can't express it out to him. There's nothing else that I can do I think. It's all too late.

I tried to comfort myself about the memories and times spent together. But, my soul just craves for more. I wanted him to stay near me and hear him talking.

I have no mood to study for exams now. I'm freaking out.
Gosh, I'm so troubled. I am really troubled..

Just quotes to ponder

2011-08-20T09:07:00.000-07:00

See the beauty in the ordinary

Our life is what our thoughts make it- Catherine of Siena

Failure is not the same as defeat.
Things in the past, are dead and gone.
Leave them behind, then just move on.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, Today is God's gift to me, to make it all that it can be.

The unsinkable optimism (p58)- Your living is determinded not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens- John Homer Miller.

p65: Enjoy life to the fullest, and be constantly aware that all comes from His hand.

I ask God for all things I could enjoy life. He gave me life so I could enjoy all things.

What is freedom?
Freedom means I have been set free to become all that God wants me to be, to achieve all that Gods wants me to achieve, to enjoy all that God wants me to enjoy
-Warren Wiersbe

What to read when I feel insignificant
You aren't an accident. You weren't mass-produced. You aren't an assembly-line product. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on this earth by the Master Craftsman- Max Lucado

Ephesians 2:10 - For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

Let not one say we are worthless. God is not a foolish speculator; He would never invest worthless property- Erwin v. Lutzer

Things to Pray for myself
Ask God to bring all that is excellent in you.
Let Him shape you with faithfulness, honor and integrity. Be aware of how He adds these finishing touches in a way that will give glory to Him and satisfaction and meaning for you.

Be ready to radiate from the inside out. Outward change will be perceptible but subtle - a sparkle in the eye, a tilt of the head, a lilt to the walk - but you'll know the inward change makes the difference.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Things that are unseen; Happiness
Of all classes and descriptions of persons on this earth, they are the happiest of whom it may be siad that the things most hoped for by them are the things not seen - Mennonite Writings.

There is nothing you can do to make God love you more or less. His love is unconditional, impartial, everlasting, infinite, perfect. God is love

Time to let it go (Managing Anger)
Endeavor to be always patient of the faults and imperfections of others; for you have many faults and imperfections of your own that require forbearance. If you are not able to make yourself that which you wishest, how can you expect to mold another in conformity to your will?

I don't bother

2011-08-20T05:16:00.000-07:00

Hey readers!

One of the gross things that happened was that my parents actually asked me to smell their fart.
Mum: TING AHHH! come into the room NOW!!
I tot I did something bad or that my mum is asking me to do massage for her again.
Mum: What do you smell? Is the room smelly?
Me: Of cos not. It smells.....mmmm...like food? U all have eaten something nice here issit? What did you all ate just now?
Dad was laughing from the moment I walked into the room and smelling the room. He burst out and said this, "REALLY NOT SMELLY MEHH??"
Me: Really not smelly lah. Why u all keep on asking me. *annoyed + glares*
Mum revealed to me that both dad and her farted and dad claimed that mum's fart was smelly but mum claimed that she didn't. And when I heard what they said...
I TOTALLY ROLLED MY EYES AND WALK OUT OF THE ROOM, COUGHING LIKE I'VE CHOKED ON A FISHBONE.

look at that like seriously.

Anyway, So many things are going through my head..after what he has shared his life.
I was sooo glad that he didn't ask me to use one word to describe him in front of everybody. When he asked everyone in the room to think of one word to describe him, immediately the word charming pops out of nowhere. GOSH! IMAGINE I SAID THAT TO EVERYO

NE IT'S GONNA BE A BIG BIG WHOAAAA!
Anyway, today's workshop was funny to the max. Titus as usual, wrote something really =.= during the guessing who game. Seriously mag has the I-don't-bother face. But she's not what her face looks like. She's really someone who's concerned with her friends. :) Whoa whoa, why am I talking about her?

Oh well, I'm thinking about what he has said just now and I can't remember. It's something that I want to do and think about. :( Gosh, thats sadness. How can not recall about that?! :( I think I can only remember what he has emphasises (like about....) OH NOW I'VE REMEMBERD!

He says that in life, things aren't smooth going even after becoming a Christian. You just have to keep talking to God. Yes yes yes, I want to keep talking to God. :) Shouldn't be upset about how things doesn't go according to what I wanted it to happen, but instead, tell these troubles to God.
God is not a god whose out there, who doesn't even care. But if He sees a need for me to have company, then by His grace and because He loves me, is will provide. :)

Yeah, bye readers :)

I haven't written such a crazy thing for a long time

2011-08-12T06:32:00.000-07:00

Hey readers

Today's rj question is: if you are invisible for one day, what would you do?

I like what I've written down and I'm going to share with you all :) hahahhaa

hahaha! I think when my faccy reads this, she might be thinking that is another girl who write this. :p

That's all folks!!

In short

2011-08-11T07:07:00.000-07:00

Giving up doesn't always mean that u're weak. Sometimes, it just mean that you're strong enough to let go. - Taylor Swift

Basically, this pic on the right is quite interesting.

Because so many people let go of their love, that's why love is in the air! hahahaha :)

Distorted. Full of lies

2011-08-08T23:20:00.000-07:00

Hey readers

Apparently I felt so cheated by my own sis. I can't believe that all the while she's not a child of God. I tried to convince myself that she's not. But I really can't believe. She said she's not a genuine believer and in fact she doubted a lot of things that the scriptures says.

After all the heart-to-heart talk...here's the questions that she asked along (very thought-provoking):

1. Since none could explain how God can exist by Himself, why then believe that He existed?
2. and Since God can be existed by Himself, Man can likewise be self-existing. Why then think so much about who created the world and human? The world can exist by itself then.
3. What if there's no life after death and human can just disappear from this Earth.
4. What if there's no heaven or hell?

She claims that she attempted suscide cause she thinks that death is the best way to escape. She can just disappear from the world. It is just that it'll be painful for her love ones to take it.
She claims that love isn't everything. Hapiness is what she seeks.
She also claims that she has a rebellious character and she hates to follow God's command because she doesn't like to be changed by Someone.
She claims that each of us in the family is holding her back to pursue her hapiness.

I felt so unprepared when she questions and starts to claims these awful things. I can't imagine that she can pretend and acted godly throughout her past years in church. She did most of the things because she wanted to follow her crush's footsteps and not God's. I really doubt whether she has ever loves God. But actually, after much reflection, I felt that she had done something out of love and obeys God. She spread gospel to her close friend and when she tried to convinced God that only Jesus is the only way and what Jesus has done, she cried. How can all this then be a lie? It's so contradicting.

Right now, I can only be a blessing to her and don't give her any headaches. I know that God answers prayer and He alone can save her. I can't do it myself. All I ask for is my sis to be changed and know that hapiness isn't everything. It doesn't last as it makes a person pursue after it again and again. It's an endless pursuit and it's tiring pursuing that. So it doesn't brings an eternal sastifaction to anyone. Hapiness isn't eternal. It's different from joy peace and love. It doesn't bring contentment after you have achieved hapiness. You have to have true peace, LOVE and contentment to sastify the hunger of the soul. This peace is given by God and it's peace with God that brings about a calm and peaceful life. With Him, even if I have nothing in this world, I don't have to worry. He alone can provide.

I don't understand why my sis chose not to believe what she have believed before. Perhaps it's the questions that other non christians posted to her. So she doesn't have any answers to it and hence she chose to follow their ideas. Perhaps this is the evil one who's implanting the thoughts to her when she starts to reflect about life at the time she's going through all the sufferings and pain.

I just hope that one day, she'd realized that what the Bible says is true. God can provide and give what the world can't. Only one life will soon be passed. But only what's done for God will truly last.

Bye readers

It's not an illusion

2011-08-01T08:05:00.000-07:00

My heart will let go your name.
These words I've held long, but I'll never mention them again.

Hey readers

There seems to be a lot of things to attend and fun events to go to.
There's a lot of chance to interact with him and to know him better.
But most of the time, I'm spending my time with others and having fun with them.
I don't know why, but I think I'm a boring girl....

Anyway, I'm not that hesistant in letting go... Sometimes I felt life is so funny. When I miss him like madness, nothing or no interactions happens.

But when I stop thinking about this in my head,
Please don't be in love with someone else,
Please don't have somebody waiting on you...

there're a lot of things worth thinking about,
Moments to be cherished, and remembered.

It's good that I start to feel numb now. At least it's less hurtful and save lotsa mental energy missing him.

Goodnight.

Still trying to fill that void with something?

2011-07-24T07:16:00.001-07:00

Hey readers

I still get stubborn and really nasty! :O
I know exactly what I should fill that void with and I could get it if I would commit myself to the Lord. But here, I'm still long after that. IT'S SOOO LONG ALREADY. c'mon! It's really impossible when I think about the way he says things to me.

But I duno why even my heartaches, I still fall in love with him again and again.
I duno how am I suppose to achieve peace without contentment. U tell me how. tell me..

Oh well, It's so hard to get me started to devote my life to God. It's just so hard to be someone that I wanted to be in the back of my mind. I hope this desire will outgrow the eartly desire that I have. I pray that
God, You'll really help me to have this strong desire to want to have a strong relationship with u despite the odds that I am facing. Encourage me to think of eternal value. Instead of just wanting to have my love being reciprocrated by that guy You know. In the most precious name of my Lord and Saviour Jesus name, AMEN.

Anw, some nice things really happened! I wasn't troubled already! It's funny that my friend's and my assumptions were wrong!!! The other guy didn't like me!! YAY!!! :DD For a moment I was still worried. but now, IT'S FINE! I'M FREEEEEE!! yes yes yes! :)

Today was quite a nice day actually. I dunno why but I think I really hope that he was him. Such a close interaction with church guys don't usually happens. But since last year, I had a lot of interaction with him and not the guy I like. I felt like I'm a baby, still need to take a nap and whine and gives sulky faces to sucky comments. That guy that I like always gives sucky comments and I always gives sulky face to him. Seriously, does he always have to keep "suaning" me and say things that makes me wanna strangle him on the spot?!? :O I pushed him when he suan-ed me about thinking that I am laughing because I think I am funny. What?! Can't I laugh?! AND, does he always have to say that I'm always like that? Somemore still say I'm NEAR PSYCHOTIC. C'mon, I'm so gonna take health psychology for my next module and give him a 24hour lecture on what's psychotic and what's crazy (like a comparison) and what are the factors to consider before saying or judging that a person is psychotic. LIKE SERIOUSLY!!!!!

Okay, stop. I think this is getting way too far. Perhaps he said it jokingly just to play along uh. When I revealed the Juicy news to him about me, having 2 "girlfriends" and showed him the picture, he first said, "but this picture looks good" and later he said this which I think was reallly reallllly funny: "Yeah, this one is more like the juice squeeze out until no more already". HAHAHA!
Anw, in the back of my mind when he asked whether I got any juicy new, I was saying this in my mind, "I love you ever since 2 years ago. And even till now, I still love you." BUT instead of saying this to him, I said, " ahhaha! I've got no juicy news leh. Because I've got no juice and I've got no news!!" And he was like..."mmmm, OKAY???" I cried in my heart in the bus when I left. I wanted to say this to him, " you know, I love you so much that I've acted insane. That's how much I've done just to hide the feelings away from u. So that u don't know what you don't know." U know how sad I was when I actually have to say this bravely that, "never mind. I can be a happy single. Self-entertain. HAHAHAH." U know the silent cries in my heart? U don't know. and so many many things that I've to fake it out, let u see that I'm fine and I-don't-need-you, and I-don't-really-care-about-you actions. I am SO FAKE. I really can get oscar award pretending that I don't like you man. Act and act. Sick of acting when I see u.

But I also can't imagine myself woo-ing him and smiling at him sweetly and all. I can't actually do that so much as I hope that there's chance. I rather be insane in this way den being insane in that way. Because both ways are insane!

Gosh, I've cried so much...I don't how..but I shall stay calm den.

Bye readers

I CAN BEAT THAT LONELINESS

2011-07-17T07:28:00.000-07:00

hey readers

U see, I can beat that loneliness.
It's so frustrating that I always have this empty feeling around.
Perhaps I'm demanding too much from God.
I don't wanna listen to Him.
I'm so disappointed with myself when I ponder about my weeks.
Where have I placed God in my heart?

Seriously, I don't think I love Him at all.
I don't even think about Him when I'm going through my weeks with problems.
I only had my routine prayers and seek His blessings before starting on my papers.
He seems to be the One that I'm using it as a tool when I'm suppose to be His tool.

After a while, I realised that the word Contentment, comes only with a good solid relationship with God. I seemed to stray often about how I look and my hair and my face and I complained in my heart for the way I look and often hope that I have long skinny legs, smaller butt, fairer skin, sharper nose, and NO PANDA EYES..

But I remembered about those words that Aunty Swee Choo says.
She said that no cosmetic is able to bottle up "Purity". This purity from the heart. Emotional purity. Not emotionally attached. Not pretending away. This purity gives true radiant. It glows out from the heart.

Therefore I seek this purity now. It's a good weapon to battle against loneliness.
I hope I can get away with this.

Seriously, when I speak to my friends about him, a lot of things that they said dissuade me to pursue that one-sided love. :) Like opening up to my heart to other people too instead of limiting to him.

I realised that this dissuation doesn't work at all. But I took this as a sign or answer from God about my current situation.

sighs. It seems so distance these days even those I sacrificed my rest time for the parties. I seriously need to stop going to places with ulterior motives. It's so sickening and irritating by the nagging feelings ....keep telling me that I did this wasn't wrong because he's going off so soon. In fact, it's just 2 days before my birthday. :((((((((((((((( because I felt that I need more interactions with him and see him more often because I know I don't have the chance to do this kinda of thing or attend this kinda of events with him around for the next 3-4 years. It's irresistable. But I regretted almost everytime when I have interactions with him because it's not sastifying at all. It's not wad I wanted. I wanted a closer talk. not some boring talk or just less-den-1-minute talk. :(

And you know what? It seems like he doesn't feel comfortable talking to me. Probably I'm just too tense...my guard's up. :(

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHESSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH.

Need to relax uh.

Bye readers.

sick and love sick

2011-07-03T22:22:00.000-07:00

I'm currently feeling too depressed. Dunno why tears can just flow and flow and it's making me feeling so horrible around. Felt so sick and I cried when I'm home. I couldn't help myself stop having the feeling of neglection and unwanted. Its killing me to let myself know that I shouldn't pursue in someone who's isn't good to me even though he's such a perfect guy. It's pretty disappointing after comparing the things I've day-dreamed about and reality. It's such a huge disappointment. So disappointed in myself too...

I had the sudden urge to stop everything that I'm involved in. Piano lessons, choir prac, going to sch for lessons and all the other daily chores and FYP assignments. I want and I definitely need a break. A break from all the to-do-lists and from him.

Let me fly

2011-06-26T08:03:00.000-07:00

Let me fly to the skies and pee.

Oh, when I said that, the guys behind me responded immediately, "EEEW!"
Both me and Yin San were just laughing our heads off.

I seemed to be a little strange. But I know what's going on exactly in my head.
People noticed. People asked.
I'm so frustrated with myself. Secret's no longer keeping. It's leaking like a broken cisterns.

Broken hearts, completely lost in thoughts of u.
Well, I admit ur smile does brightens up my day.
It's stucked to my head the whole day and I can't seem to get it off.
It's so hard not to think about it.
Hormones activated. WHOA

The way I hear from others, the more I'm assured of this one thing.
His love for me cannot be recipocrated, and my love for him cannot be recipocrated.
Sounds complicated right? That's just because there're both guys here.

I hope I wrong about this. Really, i'm not stupid. But I'm just not saying and asking to anyone..

Distance

2011-06-25T08:21:00.000-07:00

so far away...so impossible
Hard to accept the fact
But it is like this.

Losing it all
Hope is vanquised
Losing sight of love
Don't want anymore

Is this even love?
No I don't think so.
Reality is always cruel
but it sometimes sweet, oh when?

Tired of waiting
I've been waiting
Nothing occurs,
only one sided

don't wana spend my whole life waiting,
for someone that I don't know whether he will be mine one day.

Can this feeling go away?
No one will really knows.
I just want to have you,
but seems impossible.

Totally distant
Totally un-loved
Inadequate; Insignificant
Let go, Let go...oh why can't I?

Getting bored.

2011-06-09T08:03:00.000-07:00

Getting bored.. Sighs..

It's my problem again..
Why do you have to appear when she appear?

Why am I jealous over NOTHING.
I AM NOTHING.
SO I'M JEALOUS OVER MYSELF. ://

Okay lameeee...so bored mugging away. So bored doing work..

Miss you so much that I became insane.

Getting good:)

2011-06-04T07:49:00.000-07:00

Hey readers! ;D

I'm all cheery!! But one thing I know is that my life is too surrounded with the"to-do list" and I seems to have a lot of things that I need to do that took out almost all my time on the things that I want to do.

My walk with the Lord wasn't going well, basically neglecting the Bible a lot, but I plan to start doing it consistently. For it is the will of God for me to set apart and be His special people and stay clear of fornication which simply means sexual immorality such as sexual sins etc. I'm quite inspired by Roy Hill for the learning points that he could draw from the bible. It's just a sentence, yet it can mean so much and impact to much. I hope that I can draw meaningful and applicable things from the Bible and remind myself how I ought to live my life pleasing to the Lord day by day.

Well, its been quite a trying day on thurs cos one of the gospel rally song items were hard!! we're split up to so many sections so my section only consist of 4 peeps? and the harmony is really hard. I can't seems to catch the harmony note...

But the main thing was that after play tchouball, my whole body was sore the next day. I can even lift up my thighs. It's horrible. The training was really challenging for a newbie like me. Passing the ball and trying to catch those strong incoming ball which frightens me everytime I try catching it...worrying it may land on my face and break my teeth.

So I don't really have much energy left on friday though I managed to have 8hrs of sleep. FYP was as usual. Ricardo always come late and he's in charge of blending stuffs, I'm the sia-kang warrior cum roll pearl machine, charmaine was the measuring babe, mervyn is the can-do everything person, basically taking pictures and boiling the pearls and jeremy is the half can do everything person and half sia-kang warrior. But I'm the hard core sia-kang warrior, certified by myself. :D

It's so great to have so much more interactions with him and I feel fine, but not perfectly fine..cos I know I'm no where holding any significant place in his heart. Well, just managed to be able to be more of myself when I know he's there. Not so much of trying to constraint myself.

I dreamt of him last night..I dreamt that he was really amazed by how well I can sight sing(oh by the way, he comes for choir practice too!so good right?) but when I start irritating him by drawing 3 dots on his white shoes with a blue ball point pen, he became so fierce! He shouted at me," STOP IT! ENOUGH ALREADY OKAY?!!" I remembered I feel really lousy and sad...
and even more sad when I heard his dreamgirl's mum telling me that he's such a good boy and just that her daughter don't know how to appreciate it and don't understand. and she continued and said, "Where to find such a nice boy, willing to wait until her daughter finished her academic work." I dreamt that when I've heard it, I was so hurt because he hasn't gave up on her.

What a bad dream isn't it? But I could feel that this dream can really happen in real life...like more realistic. Those dreams about he and me going to a far away land and really good stuffs isn't realistic at all. :(

Well, dreams are dreams. Forget it.

Saving money to watch kungfu panda 2 with my lovely sec school classmates this coming week! :) sighs, but still...got SUPER A LOT OF REVISION TO DO MANN! :((

BYE READERS! (: God bless ya all.

Stagnant

2011-05-16T09:16:00.000-07:00

I was just pondering about this word.
Just this word alone, it can describes all my emotions and my "spiritual" condition.

Things hasn't been going well deep down in my heart.
That craving hasn't stopped when I said that's it.
So funny that it's just a several hours ago when I claimed that.
So funny that I still can't overcome it.

How funny it is. Laughs.

Where have you been? Where did you go? I waited, seems I care less...but dunno why..I just didn't want to look at you when I was a distance away. Why do I always do things the opposite when I see you around? Maybe, I'm just too tired to keep on pretending..But I guess as long as things are stagnant, I have to keep on pretending.

So now I'm always standing alone, in the crowded room...and we're not speaking at all.
It's killing me. But I know, it wasn't killing you at all.

That's it

2011-05-15T07:20:00.000-07:00

That's it. No more please...Just no more..
No more second look at you.

The way I loved you...I always acted insane...I'm really not an insane person. I'm really not.

An inconsistent walk

2011-05-10T02:10:00.000-07:00

Hey readers..

Neglecting the Bible and I will SHRINK SHRINK SHRINK.
That's exactly the problem. A slacken faith.

So now..I'm back to the root of all problems. Agony rises to the top of my heart and subconsciously, I'm missing him too much. Just probably today I kept thinking about him super a lot more than usual. And seems like everything that I saw and notice such as pictures of loving couple, always makes me think of him so much.

Question to myself: Why am I missing him so much?
Gosh. :( sighss..

Bye readers.

Renewal

2011-04-30T08:14:00.001-07:00

HEY READERS!

Frankly speaking, I think that having a retreat is much more better than going on a mission trip when I'm spiritually drained out. I felt that retreat allows me to withdraw myself from doing the normal "boring" stuffs like fb-ing and bejewel-ing and provides me a room to reflect on my walk with God, and to set me thinking on purifying my desires, letting God's desires to be my desires.
Whereas for a misson trip, I have so many things to do and I gradually get tired out and worned out. There's an obligation to want to spend time with God. Mission trip allowed me to see God's handiwork in His creation and how He has blessed the work there, experience something indifferent. But personally, there wasn't much gain for my spiritual walk. It's overloading due to tight schedule and traveling tired me out pretty much.

To be brutally honest with myself, I've all the desires that the world have. Desiring to posses tangeable things such as branded goods, cute accessories or clothes, and even desiring to posses a relationship. I'm sure everybody wants to have a person to lean on, and sometimes a gentle touch to feel secured. But all these things will pass away. Naked will I come to Earth, and naked will I depart. There's really nothing that I can bring to heaven. Only what's done for Christ will last.

There's this so called joke about this man who bring all his gold bars to heaven. And when God sees it, He said,"Why do you bring a pavement to heaven?" HAHAHA! Having riches is nothing.

From the retreat, I've managed to sort out my desires and priorities better..still struggling..but much better. I realised that my hand is still holding on to something I deemed as precious, unwilling to open it up to let God hold my hand and filled it with eternal things. I've actually missing out a lot of things that God wanted to give me. *tears rising up* So foolish...

Also from the retreat, I realised that I have to intentionally and deliberately put away the cares, the worries, the to-do list, and just, wanna spend time with God. Solitude...something I have to learn. Sometimes desiring to want to spend time with God should not come only at convienent places like go worship then start to commit myself etc. It really requires me to stop my to-do list and just desire to want to talk to Him like a girl who's in relationship with a guy and pines to want to talk to him every moment. That should be like the attitude.

I realised that some girls wanna stick with a guy who's not upright and all..and despite all those plentiful flaws, they still would want to stick with that guy..because she knows that she's wanted, she knows that she's important to that guy, she knows that she means all the whole world to him. But I realised that we as human, are all God's creation, each of us are made differently, ALL ARE PRECIOUS IN HIS SIGHT. ALL are important, valuable and significant because He loves us. When I thought that I'm so important and significant, I felt that this is something I can hold on to especially I start to get depressed and dejected, knowing that I'm no way significant in Ben's heart and I take no special place there. It sort of rejuvenates me and tried to let me think that it's not worth to give all my love to someone that does not love me at all..

Yes, this is what I've thought about. and thanks for reading it through! :))

BYE READERS!

just thinking

2011-04-15T08:28:00.000-07:00

Hey readers! My work was horrendous and super hectic. Well, perhaps I will let my manager know that i'll not be working there after sunday though I still wana work to save up some money. But well, I think I shouldn't work there anymore and I should go find other jobs. WHY?

1. Mainly because I don't enjoy working there. My colleagues age gap were too far and it's hard to blend in. Furthermore, most of them are thai. So it's hard to catch what they're talking about sometimes.

2. Expect you to know how to do everything. I said that cause they didn't teach me how to do certain things when I've asked them how to. And most of the time, I'll have to try things out myself first. If I do well, I'll pass and receive no further comments. If I happened to press certain things wrongly and place things wrongly or the way I handle with the rice isn't nice, they'd be upset and den teach me how to do it right.

3. It's not easy serving, washing dishes, taking orders, handling rice, cooking rice, calculating and voiding receipts, cleaning up the whole restaurant which is small but enough to drain off all my energy.

4. there's this guy that would stalked girls home. I've no intention to carry on even when there's still motivation for me to still wants to carry on because of money. But the thing is, I really don't enjoy it as much as I want to. So, I've decided to quit.
IT'S really a tiring and flustering job. Many things happened and things that I've realised today...But I would like to thank God first before talking about all the things that happened.

Seriously, I had to work 9 hours consecutively for two days and the next two days, I've to work for 10 hours. So imagine...how sore and heavy were my legs..and how tiring it was to go through all that when I didn't work for almost 1 year already..and didn't do anything strenous during the hols.

After receiving the invitations from timo, I felt really happy!! he invited me to go USS!! At first when I heard from maggie that timo asked whtr I can a not, I was like..nononono!! but I can take a day off!! and I thought ben would be joining us. haha. den..after I asked timo, he says only got him and jeremy going...den a sudden rush of disappoint came in. But I pretended to be okay..anw, I still would want to go despite ben not going because uss is just too fun and nice!! it cannot be missed! So I've asked my mum and my mum asked me to ask my bro can a not cos he has gt 75dollar voucher to spend it on resorts world.

SUPER HAPPY WHEN TIMO SAYS, "OKAY SURE!!! WE CAN ALL GO ON FRIDAY!!"
wooohooo!! and my mum agreed and soo...

Universal Studio aka USS in short, HERE I COME! :D

It was crazy waking up earlier den usual. And it was even crazier to catch up with my brother cos he's walking too fast ahead of me and he climbed the stairs instead of taking escalator and also insisted to take the circle line den change to purple line to get to habourfront so in the end, the train got jammed at the circle line and it took us 10-15 mins later for the next train to arrive.

GOSH.

The MOST CRAZIEST THING IS WAD YOU KNOW... TO TAKE 3 ROLLER COASTER RIDES CONSECUTIVELY...in the MORNING, when I was ALL LETHARGIC. and it just so happened that the first ride is the MOSTTTTT SCARIEST RIDE when I thought it would be slightly better den the cyclone one. BUT IT'S NOT THAT CASE. The first drop makes me want to cry..and I seriously hope the ride would faster end if not I'd just die.

And it's super uncomfortable to keep feeling the free fall..Anyway, I get to talked to mag in the air. I said, "I THINK WE'RE GOING TO DROP." and she replied, "yeah I know!! we are!"

So...after taking the human ride, I was feared and shook so badly, hesistating to take the cyclone ride when I saw the warning notice that says it has 5 up-side down turns! So, I was saying to mag and jeremy, One, not enough.. Two, not enough.. Three, err...maybe also not enough... Four, enough and maybe... Five, OKAY! NO MORE!! THATS SUPER ENOUGH. And me and mag was like deciding on what to say while we're flying in the air...so we decided to say," GOD SAVE ME!" and after the ride...we'd want to say, "AMEN!" haha. Den in the end we didn't say anything cos I was screaming all times..It's just so shiok mann. I love the turns. Only the dropping and accelerations makes me felt so helpless like dying. So compared to the human ride, the cyclone one is slightly better. More relaxed. haha :D

Next was the dumb mummy backward motion ride at certain times. Which I think...no kick. Queing up for the rapids adventure was crazy. It took us 2 and a half hrs to take that 2-3 minutes ride. and the slope wasn't that steep. HAHAHA! I didn't get wet as much as the rest. in the end, I myself who brought 3 ponchos and 1 umbrella didn't get wet..In fact, I was the driest. hahhaa!! SEE, the outcome of not wearing ponchos lah people. Timo was funny. He said, "I wasn't scared taking this ride. I was only scared because I scared to get wet." LOL!!!!! Far far away, shrek 4D shows are the best.. But I can't figure out how the spiders effects can came out so real. Among so many things, I realised who timo likes and it's so complicated.

Anw, I gota go sleep now

BYE READERS

A little not too strong girl

2011-03-28T09:24:00.000-07:00

Hey readers!

Kinda of slacking this week cos I havent started working.

Next week den start :) Gosh! I felt really upset about my school's schedule. I can't go for ABCamp! It's during my exam period?!?!? Can't even skip school thinking that I still can do my revision there in camp.

It is possible because the camp is in a resort and there's wireless because maggie gona let me use.

So yes...everything is possible..it just need me to get out of school.

Well..this is really a super duper bad news! :( Further bad news that when I scrolled up and down the Godbook that he has created for the church event, I wasn't even on the guest list. He remembered to invite EVERYBODY except me. MEEE!!! MEEE!! HOW CAN HE MISS OUT ME?!? okay. Nvm den. I'd be going even if he doesn't invite anw. But I was really upset. I've seen the guest list and all the people whom I don't usually see in church was even in the guest list... I don't know why I've cried after that..probably I've felt so insignificant in his life.

Not even someone that he remember to invite for a workshop..what more he'll remember me when he's out in UK afterwards? I'd be totally forgotten..

Why is it that I'm shedding tears now?? Idiot me..

Anw.. like I've said or rather expected, maggie is smart. Obviously she gets a lil hint about my interest in him when I start to talk to her about him during ushering and other times. But she didn't get it 100% correct...like on the dot cos she tot that I might have a crush on tim (ben's buddy). She had no idea which one I like. So I've asked her which one she thinks I'll like..She said prolly more of ben. Hahaha. So I've asked her why and she said cos I did more things for him like the birthday card thinggy.

So I was like okayy...I told her I did it cos he's leaving to UK soon. Wanted to give him something because i've never gave him anything personally. Only passed him things that my bro wanted to give him nia. So..she's like the first one to know about my darkest secret..kept from all peeps who knows ben except my family members. I hope she won't brag it out...I trust that she'd remain silent..if not, I wouldn't have told her the truth.

Because she is my longest friend in my life (even before yin san) that still stay in contact and close together. I think she'd know my intention of why I didn't tell anyone. She continued to say about ben is really good..and rare. When she said that I was like thinking to myself, "mmm...u've know him quite well and he'd left good impression uh? Maybe to be honest, you like him too isn't it?" Well, he's really a catch.

Just hope that the secret wouldn't be out further. Right..anw...I'm not crying already and I'm going to sleep now. He better be far far away in my dreams mann.. Don't want to see him or even his shadows in my dream...

So..
BYE READERS!

Failed surprise party? Who gave the hint away?!

2011-03-26T07:37:00.000-07:00

Hey readers! [:

Wow! My week was spent week LOADDS OF CHURCHTIES! it's pretty cool! Havent been like this!

It's like I've seen

1. Tirzah - No of times: 4!
2. Yin San - No of times: 2!
3. Magdalene- 3!
4. Joanna- 2!
5. Elena- 1!
6. Esther wong- 1!
7. Esther Ogawa- 1!
8. Hu KaiQin- 1!

Maggie and san doesnt have anymore to lunch with. So, I've dated tirzah and she asked more to come for lunch :)
I had one of the most awesome chicken rice when I lunched with san! She's VERY good at recommending chicken rice! SIMPLY DELICIOUS AND YUMMY! :) It was pretty rush cos her lunch break is only an hour. Gosh, Jamie pangseh us agn. She've overslept. Well, not surprised. So glad to have a rare guest.. My pretty lady..Brother Jo! haha! :D

I had KFC for lunch with maggie! Had quite an awesome time with them! Like theres loadds of things to share about and check out a few places after lunch. Managed to find a job at Go!Go!Curry :) Nice! There, they'll teach me how to cook! :) I'd have to wash dishes, cook and serve. I think it's really cool and the schedule is pretty awesome! Just have to tell my assi manager when I'm free and she'll schedule me in! SUPER NICE. Best thing was that I dont need to re-dye my hair, buy and wear court shoes, bundle up my hair and wear those black shaggy-aunties pants wear. So yes! loving the dress code? the assistant manager is very very polite! just that I was pretty scared of the staff there cos they were not smiling and giving me the up-down glance.. Gosh, KINDA afraid of the aunties there though. Hope that they won't gimme a tough time..if not.i'd quit in no time? NO NO, i can't. I need money so badly.

Thats the thing when I start to want to go places. Like siging up for things needs registration money, going for BBQ, having good lunches with peeps, and wanting to sign up for camp! OH CAMP!! I got to check whtr it'll clash with the UT period!

Anw, I was really glad that my sister likes me to organise a mini party for her 25th birthday despite that there wasn't any surprises. :(
Why no surprises? WHO GAVE THE HINT AWAY?!
okok readers, here's the person who gave the SURPRISE away...
that person is NONE OTHER THAN ME.

I...I was sending out msgs to the confirmed guests and u noe, have to type the receipients name/number. So I don't know why my sis number was stucked into my head and I just sent to her...without realising that. So, after I've sent out the msg, I was like, "mmm, who did I just sent it to", really forgotten about it. So I went to check the sent msgs, and dropped my jaws! There goes all her surprised faces that worth all my efforts! GOOD GRACIOUS!~~

I've tried to salvage the situation by texting her this, "Oh, I've sent it to the wrong person, please ignore that msg. Thanks."

And immediately her reply was, "HAHA! No surprise liao.."
Next, her boyfriend texted me and said, "She said you gave the hint away."

Okay, so...all the efforts in trying to draw info from her bf about when she's coming back, what time is the movie and everything gone into waste. and also all the confirmed guests had a surprise instead of my sis because they didn't know that she wasn't surprised after I've told them that day.

The "BEST" thing was that my sis was there at the bustop and she saw me and tirzah while esther quickly ran and hide herself. I've tried to shoo her away and ask her to walk around in khatib central until 6.30 (her bf predicted time that she'd get home) So in the end...she's back home early den us...seeing all the decorations on the fall and BIG signboards.

Well...anw, she didn't know who i've invited and she had a sweet time of fellowship with her churchties (all the ladies were of her age!) So we've great time catching up one another, playing monopoly deal and celebrating her birthday! MY MUM FIXED A FEAST! she's really a great cooker and she blames me for not helping her out at the kitchen which I've said I'd do so... Feeling guilty and said sorry to her. Hope that I'd keep my word. Somehow I was really busy with the signboards and getting the decorations organised.

IT WAS A BLAST! and her friends wanted me to do it agn next year..and I was like...ermmm..okay? I'll try..ya noe. It's not like every year I'm free during this time.

So, I'm so looking forward to tomorrow! going out wif my dearest mag and san. Will be stucked with them for the whole day.

I better fix a day with kimmy before she gets busy or rather before I get busy too. Gona start work in one week's time though.

Well, hope that he came back realising that I'm not "there" anymore.
cause, my heart wants to stop going all out for him :) but I know it hasn't stop. FAIL-ed (I JUST THINK IT'S TOO EARLY TO SAY THAT?!)

BYE READERS.

The same thought for Yesterday, Today, may be forever.

2011-03-23T00:32:00.001-07:00

I blogged because I want you to know, but I don't want to tell u.

P.s.: I'm sorry, because..I don't know how to just say it or make known to u about all that I've felt.

the "Zhous" 7 days of "adventure"

2011-03-16T09:44:00.000-07:00

Hey readers! [:

It wasn't really an adventure to China thou.
Well, I had travelled to Guangzhou, xiamen (Fujian), Quan Zhou, Shen Zhen and back to Guangzhou during these 7 days!

It wasn't that awesome at all..I'm carnophobic. (Car phobia) Er.. Okay..I've came out this phobia myself. I'm so sick of travelling as you know, travelling to places in CHINA (BIG BIG BIG COUNTRY) really ate up almost 50% of the time spent during this trip.

Airbus (8hours to and fro), Bus (8hours plus), Car (10000000000 hours)

Also, I had to go with my dad to inspect the goods. I didn't inspect the goods, but he did. Many workers there look at me as though I'm a super star or what. I mean..they really don't see girls often or what. Need to look at me until like that wan meh? Seriously, I couldn't agree more with my mum when she said she has brought a pig here. That piggy is me yea? Cos for the whole trip, after I've ate, I fell asleep easily in the car. Eat and sleep..eat and sleep.. Yea.. So thats why this trip isn't an adventurous trip.

Anw, the most awesome thing about this trip is that I've managed to try a lot of food and beverages! Some were very amazing! and I love Singapore Sling! I realised that I couldn't drink and I can get drunk easily. Cos after I had the whole cup of the cocktail, I felt drowsy and my face is warm. I love the colour of my cheeks thou. It's pinkish! Dunnid to put on any blusher. :) There were weird seafood that uncle Dolf brought us to eat. Seriously, I LOVE TO EAT THE FISH THERE. So tantalising and simply delicious when it's steamed and added with soya sauce and the stock used was simply awesome! The most disappointing thing about this trip was that I didn't managed to try the dumpling with the soup inside. But the best thing about this trip was having a ready roasted chicken that was pipping hot in the midst of the cold strong wind.

The food there in up-down-9-steps-streets (direct translation from chinese) were so so affordable! best bargains there! It's like you can get 6 tako balls at the price of s$2. ITS 6!!! and noodles, dumplings and xiao chi cost less than $2. :)

Not only the food, but the stuffs that you can find there were super affordable too! It's like you can get nail polish at 40cents, umbrella at $3, long jeans at $7, very glamorous clothes at $7-9. Shoes at $7.80-9.00. Watch and sun glasses at $2 and many more!

At first, I thought I won't get to go to these places cos no one knows where to shop and eat at great prices. Morever, I was thoroughly disappointed when Uncle Dolf brought me to leather factory to shop for bags and the other shops that I've visited...the prices were not good! SOO EXPENSIVE. So I did lose hope. I thought I've found a great shopping place in QuanZhou. So I've bought about 3 pieces of clothes and 2 rings there. And it does cost me quite a lot. If I know that I'd be going to up down 9 steps streets, I wouldn't have bought anything there cos it's overpriced compared to that street. So I've ended up having less money to shop in that up down 9 steps street... *sobs* It does bites me.

Not only the food and the stuffs that you can find there...but the prices for haircut and hair styling were very affordable too! I did treatment, wash, blow and dyed my hair at about S$20+. I've done rebonding at Xia men and I've a hair cut already. So I didn't wanted them to cut my hair anymore if not my hair would have split ends. Btw, on the 2nd day, I've already rebonded my hair! And its TWO HANDSOME guys doing my hair..applying cream and blow my hair simultaneously. Shiok right?? Den at up down 9 step streets, the guys that were doing my hair were also quite cute and good looking. One of the guys asked a lot of questions and he laughed when I keep wanting to go to the toilet. The toilet was super...ermm..how to say..weird? Cos the hole (which was square in shape) to contain the excretory products were about A5 size! (A test for accuracy uh? Have to aim properly). The worse thing was that I have no idea which side I should stand to pee... :/ The magazine typed Singapore in Chinese wrongly and I just laughed my head off when he was dying my hair away.

Anw, I've felt so cheated by my mum cos she said that it's about 25deg celsius when it's actually 15deg celsius! There goes all the shorts that I've brought for the trip. And worse still...I'm the only person who wore shorts and people were giving me the up and down glance...thinking that I must have came from some other planets or that they were prolly impressed that I can tahan the cold?... haha!

I've finally get to watch P.S I love you in the netbook. It does made me think that probably..I should be like the girl.. When she received the last letter from her late husband, she felt that he's really no longer there. Not there anymore. She lives on strong without his presence. And she would still write to him.

Life goes on.. I just really felt so angry that the fact that me and him were merely acquaintances. I'm not important to him and yet he's so precious to me. I think about him so often...and he probably doesn't think of me at all.. He's all I think about at night. And he know nuts about it.
I'm so keen about him that I've often went on to his facebook to browse and laughed at his silly photos taken and admire those charming looks and nasty-yet-cute comments he and his friends made. Yet, he might have not been looking at my fb pics..or even read the status. I'm mad. I'm mad about myself liking someone who doesn't even think of me, doesn't miss me, doesn't love me at all. It's been a several weeks that I didn't see him..and here I am..missing him so much that during all these nights, he has appeared in my dreams. I dreamt that I was surprised to see him attending a church event where we go for NDP and he was wearing the THINK shirt and with a backpack, walking up the stage with the rest casually.

It beats me hard. Causing so many pain and afflictions when I think that I mean nothing to him at all. I had no place in his heart. Not even a diameter of a needle..

I'm trying to walk out from this shadow hard. I don't want to keep walking behind him. I just want to be on my own..hoping that even I lose sight of him, I won't feel any pain or bitterness..

Seriously, I'm not doing well in making decisions that were not due to his presence/cause or anything to do with him. Cos..even when I had my hairdo, I kept thinking to myself...probably if my hair is nice, I'll be able to attract more of his attention. When chosing clothes, I kept asking myself, "will he like to see a girl wearing this?, althou I felt the clothes are nice. "Shall I skip school just to attend ABCamp," becos most probably that would be the last camp I could attend before he leave to UK. I'm ABSOLUTELY still making decisions based on him.

Goshh..When will this disaster end? When....???..

I've been good. What about you?

2011-03-06T04:51:00.000-08:00

Hey readers [:

To my utmost surprise, the friday's job that Nigel recommended was super slack. I've NEVER WORK SO SHIOK IN MY LIFE BEFORE! It's like I just have to make popcorns and serve the guest. And I don't really have to serve much cause there ain't loadds of people. And plus it was a movie night. So we all get to watch movie. And the guest was so nice, he offered us to help ourselves with the buffet. Being so excited, I called my mother and told her how slack and nice the job was :) Oh gosh, Kimmy was mistaken by an uncle..He tot she was malay! okay, I've finally got someone to join me in this "Sorry-I'm-not-malay" group. Today got people tot that I was from malaysia.

The next day was dragonboating! GOSH! I've slept so late and I almost couldn't make it on time. But God has His plan and with His help and in His timing, I WAS EARLY (by a few minutes!) :D SUPER NICE! Again, this outing taught me faith in God and prayer. It was kinda of disappointing at first because there was a heavy rain and we couldn't start on time. We all hope that it'll be just a heavy passing rain. and it did! Many prayers were answered I guess! and OFF TO DRAGONBOATING! HAHAHA! It was so fun to paddle, splashing water at each others' team boats, doing funny actions, counting the strokes, learning the paddle strokes and different commands (Easy, Hold water, Paddle's up!, Go)! Viking the boat and racing was pretty fun too! haha! AND MY TEAM GOT FIRST and we sang we're the champion! (no time for losers cause we are the CHAMPIONS!) :D

I had dinner with marvin, jethro and kenneth after the dragonboat session. It's how amazing that 10+ people can squeeze in Uncle Richard's van! Jet tries to be funny. Ask me whether I wanna sit on his lap a not and I was thinking, "WAD?! I DON'T WANT. YOU'RE NOT BEN." :DD
It was a thrilling ride down cause people keep on "bullying" me by poking me and making me laugh. I can't run away because I sat the center. *sighs* These people are so annoying. And when Tirzah poke me..I shook off and I've almost fell off from the chair when the van suddenly brake. Den all of us was like AHHH!! AND I WHOOOOOOOOOO~~ Don't worry. I didn't break my legs or hands. or else I wouldn't be sitting here and type about my previous week :D

We had carl Jn for dinner!! And kenneth said that Carl junior dad's name was also carl! so that's carl senior. :/ Right..
I hadn't tried the freshly brewed ice lemon tea and I've felt so cheated! It says ICE lemon tea. and in the end it's a luke warm lemon tea. And it's so bitter. It's really lemon TEA. So after jet tried it he was like *pukes*, "I don't wanna drink it anymore." I was like, "Aiyoh, u arh.. lemme try and taste issit really that bad a not." Den my reaction was even worse..I was like *pukes pukes and puke harder* It was really that bad cos I didn't add sugar syrup as I din notice it until I went to refill marvin's cup with coke + sprite. It was a HEAVY HEAVY dinner! It was rather weird to go back with jethro cos it's like we don't usually talk. And cos we're heading the same way using the similar transport mode, I was like kinda "force" to have to talk to him. So I've been talking about shit..pee and fart. :D (I guess he couldn't take it. and keep asking me to stop and said "OK?..") I've talked lot about Bmet and joked about the lady called," lau zai boah" and told him that hopefully she won't marry to a guy with a surname "seow" if not she would be called "siao zai boah". And he told me about lucas' teacher's name was I Qu. and her hubby's surname is "low". So altogether become LOW I Q. haha!!! what a joke! seriously..

I've went to comment on ben's facebook's status :

Mopiko should just close down cause it seems that mozzie bites just need some getting used to. =)

This status had misled me. I tot the mopiko wasn't effective and he might have been suffering from hundreds of mosquitoes at cambodia and prolly have been scratching all over his body. So I commented:

"aiyah, maybe ur mopiko expire already lah. :/ (seems like the mosquitoes are "mopiko-resistant" breed. U must been scratching all over ur body) Anw, use try using antihistamine drugs :D"

Den..this was his reply..

"i din say im using mopiko and its not working wad!
vic: life is fine =) how r u man? got my french desert waiting for me? haha"

Goshh..okay anw. I was happy that he commented back. :D

So about today..it was really really tiring cos I spent my night to edit and print the reimbursement forms for RYFL. Getting things sorted out neatly and by the time I've finished, it's around 12+. Great..insomnia problems. Couldn't sleep in time and so today..I was thoroughly worn out. Great that I've no piano lesson today cos I've postponed it to wed. I was challenged to imitate Paul and had understood wad it means for me to live is Christ and to die is gain. I simply love how it was been covered when Joanna spotted all the paradoxes. Seriously, the world tends to think that to live is for myself..and surely to die, is nothing and it's loss (or a way to escape problems) Whereas God's word says that dying for Christ is gain because our biggest reward is that we can be with God forever more! although there might be crown of righteousness and so on. but that's the greatest thing! I start to imagine myself having this image of me talking to God so freely and He bend down to hear my feeble requests, a kind and loving Father image. It does makes me felt really good. I seriously would want to take up the challenge and to just want to have this intimate relationship with my Lord and nothing else can stop me from living my life for my Lord.

Oh..So yes..tonight for gospel, I've played Christ alone medley. It went better den I thought :) Played pretty okay and didn't screw up. So yess! :D Uncle Aaron said that I've played the piano well. heh. and many others thanked me for helping them to play the piano. :D

It's been nice here..wondering how's life been for him.. Hope that all is well. Heard from Uncle Kian Huat that the 3 guys there have to learn how to cook and wash dishes for the peeps there. Really nice :)

Bye readers!

SIANS

2011-03-03T22:32:00.000-08:00

Hey readers..

Things aren't going well..
The next thing I know was that my sister actually attempted suscide yesterday. She must have been really depressed and having a mind full of negative thoughts with no thought of there's still a God there in her life that she could fully depend on. And that's why she did such a silly thing. Seriously, in many parts of the world, there're so many pple fighting for their lives to live each day. My sis just encountered failure in relationship..and it's not like it's the end of the world. She has a bright future ahead. There's so many people who wanted the life that my sis is leading now. She has to change her lifestyle. Do more exercise and be free of stress (at least try to minimise "stress intake".)

My brother did something really shameful. I'm not going to say what he did because it's very common among guys and it needs to be kept privately. I just pray that he wouldn't continue in this shameful thing again.

As for me..I was pretty happy to know that ben is safe and sound. I think he's pretty fine there. :) Thank God. But I'll miss his tan skin, his sweet smile..so beautiful..so right.. :) Sometimes I wish I'm Aunty Dora..Can just hug him and he wouldn't feel awkward about it..

Gosh..Kimmy is having cramps. I hope that later when she work..she'll be able to take it..No choice..Hafta tahan. I better prepare a few painkillers in my bag just incase she couldn't take the pain anymore. :/

Bye readers.

When you're gone

2011-03-02T23:50:00.001-08:00

Hey readers.

It was just a few days back when he's still eating lunch with me. Talking almost non stop and helping me to eat the food that I don't want. Now, he's already in Cambodia. I was really happy that the Lord has given me the time to be able to send him off. I kept telling myself that if I can go I should go because ultimately, I won't get to see him after 28days. So I was quite happy that his flight was in the afternoon so that I could meet my FYP teammates afterwards in the evening. When Yin san asked how long will he be there, I straight away replied 28 days and En Ling was like waah! You remembered it so well. I was kinda scared that I gave it away so I tried explaining to them that I had been attending prayer meetings and I always could see these 4 guys names in the prayer diary. So when En Ling heard that she said, "Why are you trying to justify yourself uh?" Gosh, seriously, I hope that I didn't give it away.

I felt that the more I'm with the church-ties nowadays, the more I had the urge to tell them about my feelings. Cos it's just sunday that maggie asked me who I like in church because she said that actually the guys in church are quite good looking and she tried to recommend me. Haha! Den she asked me if I'm still in the stage of liking someone and desiring to have relationship. And I told her, "Um..yes?" haha! Actually I thought I've already passed that stage, but it was only when Chris sort of came in to my life that time that made me felt wanting to go into relationship and liking guys and so on and so forth. And after him, not long, I realised that I still had crushed on Ben. and it grew as time passes especially when I had decided to give up my part time job because I really would like to spend more time in church. So yea, feelings grew stronger especially when he showed that he was indeed an ideal guy. Seriously, I just kept talking about him to my close buddies like yin san and maggie nowadays. They're quite smart and sensitive pple and I do sort of guess that they know that I was quite keen on ben.

Anw, back to yesterday's send off..it was super funny to see him beamed at me when I said,"Aiyah, just go in at 4.20pm lah." And I gave a giggle. HAHA. Stupid Titus and gang said look at Shi Ting hahaha. dots.. I realised that I couldn't make it for Sunday School anniversary because I would be away in Guangzhou. So sad.. I wish I could see my awesome video and hear the composition being sang.

Oh back to the send off, I thought to myself that he must have been enjoying the company of his dreamgirl. I knew that he'd be with her at the stand for quite sometimes. But I felt that I should let him enjoy her presence. So I was up there at Fish and co together with the rest and talking funny things with yinsan and en ling. And also, I didn't go and shake his hands. Well, afterall, he looked really pleased when his dreamgirl shook his hand. I stood back and watched him. I wanted to give him my blessings. Well, anw, and she talked about perfume. And he was like he'd received lotsa presents on his birthday. And En ling was like, "he's trying to hint at something." LOL! I can't helped but to laugh when his dreamgirl said something like, "What, I don't get it or remember anything." Anw, his passport photo was really funny. Soo soo funny that I squatted down behind his dreamgirl and laughed so hard! He really had a fat fat chubby face! If he look this way still, I would prolly like him more than I like asaph (that little kiddo) :D
And Aunty Dora was like,"we should take a pic of this before he goes!" I nodded much. :)

Tirzah was really nice because she rushed to see him off after school. I was telling ben how Tirzah had put in sooo much effort to send him off. He said he was so touched! (LOOK AT THOSE ACT-BLISSFUL FACE AGAIN. :/) and he continued, " but I specially waited for her as I could go in now." I was like, "BUT YOU NEED TO GO IN SO EARLY FOR WHAT?!" Then he agreed to my point and said that, " I can buy duty free wine for Youmie and Insun." and he quickly added, "No lah, I was joking only." Anw, what Tirzah did does made me think that she prolly likes ben too. But somehow, she told me that she liked another guy which I thought to myself, "aiyah, you should go like ben. He's so much nicer than the guy that she likes." Because the guy that she likes was kinda demanding and fierce and of high high high ego..though he's kinda capable and buff.

When he turnt back and waved his hands, I stood afar off while his dreamgirl was right at the front of the gate waving her hands at him. I gave a smile, hoping that he'd be really glad, feeling happy.

I felt that my presence was insignificant and I don't mean anything to him. But still..I don't want anything from him. I just want to be there and see him being happy and with smiles on his face :), that alone, I'm contented.

After he went in, I went far east with Yin San and Tirzah. Tirzah has not changed. Always say," lame lah you","shut up lah you", "stupid". lol! Okay? Den both of them was having a hairdo while I go shopping and GUESSS WADDDD??!

I SAW THIS SUPER GLAMOROUS DRESS THAT ONLY COST $15!! YES! it's only $15!
Can't believe that I've bought a prom dress for only $15. I was comtemplating which dress which I buy.. Cos all the 3 dresses were very stylish and each has their individual fashion sense and uniqueness. and all cost $15! I felt like buying all the 3 dresses thou. haha. But in the end I chose the one that is not-so-sexy. haha. Cos the other two, I have no bra(s) to match. Okay. so here's my great shopping journey. Finally Yin San and Tirzah were done and I seriously love Yinsan's new haircut. :D She looks different! so much nicer. And she brought me to the chicken rice stall. Seriously, the chicken rice taste so awesome! and the best thing was that the chilli sauce is re-fillable like on the table and I can serve myself so easily. Love the rice, soup, chicken n chilli! haha! :D

After that was FYP meeting and a stupid green tea cost $1. and plus service charge, I had to pay another one more buck. SO ITS 2 BUCKS FOR A STUPID GREEN TEA. It wasn't quite intense. and I felt tat the next meeting will be more intense because there'll be so many more research to do and things to read up. The funny thing about meeting up with them was that Jeremy, Mervyn and I wore YELLOW! I've never felt so banana in my life before.. I've told them a racist joke the one on the indian, chinese and malay on the titanic and the indian said," God s(h)ave me!" :/

As I was on my way back home in train, I was standing there alone, looking at the scenery outside and my own reflection. I listened to Taylor's song, and I felt rather emotional. I almst cried. Anw, I saw Aaron when he turnt back to look at who's screaming from the back. It wasn't me doing the screaming. It was some aunties shouting away and most of the pple turnt their backs to look at what's going on. Anw, I talked to him and managed to find out that he's doing accounts and still studying away.

Finally before I rest my head on the bed, I've talked to God. Prayed about some peeps in church, ben's health and safety (also the 2 guys there at cambodia now), the missionaries esp the one that the school was burnt down in Sri Lanka. Anw, my sister cos she's been crying the whole night and wouldn't lemme know what happened. It was just today that I knew that she was crying the whole night because her boyfriend wanted to break up with her. I've NEVER NEVER like my sis' bf and he wasn't suitable for my sister. It's just that I don't feel that he's my sis' Mr Right and it felt wrong. I hope that by God's grace, my sister will be able to love God more and that she'd be to meet someone who loves God and not someone who rejects God like her current boyfriend.

Sighs, it does made me felt worried about her cause I scared she can't straighten her thoughts and do something silly. My sis has been the one giving and giving while her bf just received and did little. She has loved her bf so much while her bf doesn't seems to care about her and even said things that hurt her. He's my sis' first boyfriend... Sighs..Hope that my sis will be strong and get through these times. She's really such a poor thing. She had part time job and she need to study uni at the same time. Things are really difficult for her already and now with this, it might just add to her blow and make her more distressed.

Anw, I had cried during the night before I sleep..cos..I just missed him so much. And the sight of him still liking the girl does made me so so so bitter. Feeling tired but couldn't sleep still..I cried myself to sleep..freezing his pic with me on the phone. snugging into the blanket..while my tears drenched the bedsheets. (because I don't sleep with pillows. It made my head aches the next morning when I wake up)

Bye readers

A tough decision

2011-02-27T04:43:00.000-08:00

Hey readers!

I hasn't been updating my blog...
I don't know whether it's the beginning or the end of something good that is going to happen or something bad that is going to end.

I had just went to read about my previous posts. I realized that what I've told myself to do, I had not accomplished it at all. I told myself to stop thinking about him, and think more about God, but I felt that I didn't. Yes, although sometimes I think about God more often than anyone genuinely, but, I often strayed when things happened. I often gave myself excuses and false hope to continue to lie to myself and lie to God. I'm so ashamed. Most of the time, my thoughts and decisions were affected by him.. I felt that I hadn't been living life to the fullest daily. I felt that I was just merely giving in to those thoughts that could stumble me and weaken me.
In fact, I'm feeling so weak and tired.

Well, it was a really nice day yesterday, because I get to have meal with him and the other 4 people which the girls are my besties and the guys, his good friends too. Hang out. yeah. I managed to hear a lot from him because most of the time, he was talking and talking away. And from there, he mentioned about what he wished his birthday gift was. I realised that his feelings for her has either grown or remains the same. I felt kind of bitter but I remained silent. But I felt like telling him, "probably you should make yourself her birthday present during her birthday." I dunno whtr she likes him a not. But well, I'm sure she wouldn't mind an extra housekeeper! :p

He showed care to the girls. Like how we were scared about getting scalded by the steaming pot. He didn't say a word about us being scared and he volunteered to help us to take the steamed egg.

The clams that I didn't like, he took it and dip it in the spicy sauce. GOSH, he really dipped a lot. *THUMBS UP*! And THUMBS UP also because he got the walking with Jesus' chords correct.

I've shared about the reasons why I wore think shirt like to think about God first before doing anything else. And he was like saying that I'm misquoting the verse? Cos the verse is saying Finally brethen whatever things are (okay I dunnoe the order) true, pure, noble, just, lovely and of good report, if there's any virtue, meditate on these things. (something liddat. Couldn't remember the exact verse content) and he said that's a sin and I said about me not thinking about the verse before wearing it and he says that's another SIN! AND he said about maggie and yinsan didn't think and blindly followed me. FOR THE FIRST TIME, I WANNA STUFF 100 CHILLI INTO HIS MOUTH.

Okay, but that doesn't made me felt bitter or what. It just made me understood that I need to explore the reasons of deciding anything. Whether it is my own thinking, or is it God's thinking.

I've also shared about why I pick up piano, the views of YA's BS sessions and my dream! I've dreamt that asaph is my son and the father is my father! And all of them were so bad. I told them that I think asaph likes me becos he eveything do the finger-poking face to me when he saw me. HE REMEMBERED! I'm so touched. And yinsan and maggie was like no...he also does that to jamie and worse still, ben or whoever said that asaph won't like me! So I'VE SHOW MY EXTREMELY UGLY-BITTERGOURD face while eating the green tea icecream. For a moment, the greentea icecream does taste like bittergourd. :( Well, we've talked about this mainly because the guys asked about how we feel about 21 year old guys dating girls of my age group. And before anyone could answer it, someone asked about the age gap thinggy and I thought guys that are 5 years older den me..still can make it bah. Anw, I really felt like telling them how comfortable and happy it was to go out with their age group. It was really nice. Can't they give us more time to thinkk?!

Anw, I laughed about timo's long neck! I asked if he had worn this traditional gold neck accessories that the female will wear to have a long neck. hehe! He looks really funny when I teased him! GOSH! and he purposely break the crabs in front of me and could happily laughed about it. SIGHS. The things he do really uh...*shake heads*

I love the way the workshop was conducted. It wasn't boring at all and some of the scenarios' suggested answers were really well-said. I felt that some of the scenarios aren't applicable for me nowadays although the one about taylor seems to be similar to the issue on going to cambodia. I did what was right afterall, because I've finally obeyed my parents and solved the conflict peaceably. :D

Well, afterall these things that had happened, I've decided to not let any of my decisions or behaviour to be affected by him or his presence. I shall evaluate whether what I'm going to chose to do is God's will and not because he'll be there or what.

I know I couldn't say that I don't like him now, because I'd be lying to myself. So now, to make things easier to accomplish and make things that I will be doing will be pleasing to God, intentions and decisions made by me must be thoroughly evaluated. AND YES, the THINK shirt shall reminder for me to THINK whether what I'll be doing is pleasing to God a not before doing it.

BYE READERS! [:

Life is great..but it could be even greater..if only..if only..you were there.

2011-02-16T07:45:00.000-08:00

Hey readers!

This is really a long week mann!
Studying and studying BUT...
HANGING OUT WITH FRIENDS WAS TOTALLY AWESOME!

Val's day with kimmy was funny thou.
Camworhing pics and farting in the toilet away.
I had lotsa air in my body mann..I was rather astonished by the amount of gas I've ejected.
haha! :D Kim was such a lovely girl mann.. Seriously I had a wonderful dinner and the food was good too! Paying only $4 for a $17+ meal cos she had voucher! I can't stand it but to laugh at the amount of weird faces that kimmmy and I can make. Seriously, we're gifted to be a clown mann.

Today's ellice farewell was amazing! It was not boring at all! we've played 3 games. and the last game was super duper funny. It's like imitating wad the card order the players to do. So we have to memorise the actions when we take our turns. And Timo was super funny. Because when I did the "applying-perfume" action, he tot I was digging my ears! And he made the muack sound when the action was blowing kisses. Nicholas was even best. when he took the card that says buckle up and say give me a kiss, his face glowed face as though he had just applied a whole box of blusher onto his face! Actually there was a lot more things that was funny. But most of the time..They're laughing at my evil laughter. hehehe,hahhaa, eh eh eh ...
Well, Ruth was damm funny too. She can't seems to repeat the moofing action. She just died when she did the first one. HAH! Oh mann..I just loved the game. cos I could see all the epic faces. Too bad, he wasn't there. I wish he was there...

I've finished writting his birthday card already. HAHA! its super kiddo.
I'm like really using all the space that I had. It's like less than A5 size. Some of the things I wrote was super lame thou.
Anyway, I know..He won't like someone like me..But that still doesn't stop me from liking him. Sighs, what could stop me from liking him mann?..Even if he gets a girlfriend...I think I might still continue to like him. Its just that I'd get jealous and abit snorty. But it doesn't matter if he got a girlfriend a not because one thing I know, a lot of girls are looking in his way. So jealousy just come in so easily. These things seriously ensnares me a lot. I have to look to God and be filled with Him and just Him alone. But why is it so hard when its so simple to do it?

Beyond reach

2011-02-13T02:09:00.000-08:00

Hey readers...

Things are not progressing well..
First, I didn't get to talk to him even when I see him for 2 days..
Secondly, I was not invited to his birthday celebration on friday.
Thirdly, he won't be going to ellice's farewell.
Fourthly, I won't be seeing him for about 1 whole month.
Fifthly, other guys in church seems to be talking to me more often after since run for your life has ended and when I'm in charge of planning SS graduation.
Sixthly, especially samuel has been talking to me. Nowadays, he seems to come and talk to me more often and was concerned about me. As he was in the same CEP group as me, I get to see him longer and he even sat beside me today and joke about nicholas confessing his love to me. And he put on the paper flower on my head where he wrote (on behalf of nicholas -just for fun)," To: Shi Ting <3."
Oh mann..and CEP lesson was rather fun because they all keep making me laugh. Entertaining guys...
BUT, I seriously has no thoughts about liking another person. I don't want the distance to be so far..Sometimes I hope that he could be a little closer to me like what samuel did. I'm hoping that I could get him something and pass it to him personally on his birthday, but I've got no chance at all.. I could do nothing more except writing to him a birthday card together with maggie so that it doesn't look obvious at all..

I'm missing it all...losing it all..
I really lost hope...and I want to give up and be a thorough loser by not telling him how I feel about him for so long.

Tomorrow is Valentines' day and I'll be celebrating it with kimmy :)
I just hope that I could feel less disappointed..Because somehow I felt that all these things that happened, probably shows one thing...one single fact...which is...He's not meant for me...It has been all my wishful thinking..Because right now, he's only a friend to me. and I'm a very normal friend to him too. Not even a good friend of him. or a close friend. Or someone that he can always talk to and hang out with...Nowadays..He has been talking to Ruth more...I remember when I was in Uncle TK's house for CNY. He sat beside her and talk to her for quite sometimes. (the sight where it looks like someone is interested abt another person.) Anw, I realised that I kinda like Ruth as a friend. She's really friendly and honest about things. She and I can get along kinda well. I talked to her quite a lot nowadays. HAHA. I didn't know that she was so fun to disturb. :/
But I kinda think that he doesn't like her...probably its still that girl of his dreams..

Although I'm letting the way it is..but I had been secretly hoping that something could happen more esp during weekends (love those dinner.)

sighs. I really don't want to get into liking someone...but it's inevitable. Can't be controlled..
SIGHSSSSS...ok got to study for UT.

Bye readers

The life after death

2011-02-08T18:23:00.000-08:00

Dear readers..

Have you ever wondered where you'll be going after you die?
Well, the fact that there is only two places that you can go.
1. Heaven
2. Hell
NO OTHER PLACES YOU CAN GO.

I remebered that Ben says if everybody knows that living in hell is like being covered with hot oil, they would want to go heaven straightaway! LOL.

From the experience of someone who has went to hell and came back alive, he said that he thought he would feel dead there. But instead, he felt being much more alive in hell. He saw his friends from the pub there. They keep telling him not to come to hell. The doctors managed to save him while he had stopped breathing. He was so scared and he keep telling the doctor he doesn't want to go back to the place again. And so the doctor asked him to repeat after what he say. The sinner's prayer. I couldn't recall the whole incident. But I remembered he went to heaven and he was in Jesus' hand. He felt so happy there that he doesn't want to go back. But God says his time is not up yet. So he came back to earth, alive and shared this incident. Well, that's what naomi shared when we had our groovies girls outing.

Man is separated from God because of sin.
And because of sin, God sent His only Son to die in my place, that I may not be curse (Curse is the one who hung on the tree).
His Son is called Jesus Christ. He alone is worthy to die in my place and redeem me from all the sins because He did not sin throughout His life. The reason why He was born from a virgin birth is to show that He did not posses the sinful nature. This sinful nature was brought down from Adam and Eve, and that's why we ordinary humans do not need to be taught how to sin, and we know how to sin. But Christ, He knew no sin. And that's why He alone is worthy to die in my place.

He has died. But He has overcome death as He rose again on the third day.
If Christ has not risen from the dead, aren't we all believing in a dead god? And all the saints would not have a hope to look forward to His coming again (His coming to take all His people back with Him. To meet Him in the air. And when He come again into this earth, His people will rule the earth with Him.)
Therefore, He lives, so that we may have a living hope.

But why believe in the Bible which is God's word?
The Bible is God's breathe and He uses man to write. It contains facts about the history and many of the prophecy (things about the future) were fulfilled. Only in the Bible, you'll find that God says that He is the Holy God and that HE IS GOD.

Believe so that you may know,
and not to know so that you may believe.

A prayer that we can pray to God when we realise that we need Him
Dear Lord
I know that I'm a sinner. I know that only through Your Son, Jesus Christ whom is the saviour, I can be saved. I sincerely want to repent and I need You to come into my life to be the miracle of my life.

In Jesus name,
Amen.

Why in Jesus name and not other's people name?
It is because He is the only one worthy to speak on our behalf because He has sacrificed His life to die in my place. So He alone is worth to speak on our behalf and no one else could.

I'm blogging this good news down because I do not want anyone to suffer in hell since Jesus Christ has paid the price by shedding His own blood. If you have believed in all that I've blogged here and prayed that prayer, you're now saved. The next thing that you should do is to get yourself a Bible as it is God's word.

If you are interested in a guy or a girl, you would find ways to get information to know about the person isn't it? Likewise, if you love God or you want to find out more about your Saviour, you should read His word and know Him more. You should also pray often to Him so as to establish a personal relationship with Him.

From my experience, The Lord is like my best friend. The One who is always there to hear all my pain. The One that I can share my joy and laughter. When I feel down, and through His words (in the Bible), I had a new hope a new joy to be happy about. And therefore I'm comforted.

I sincerely hope that you readers would consider this good news and I hope that it would be a miracle in your life.

Bye readers! [:

Heart wretching.

2011-02-06T02:06:00.000-08:00

Hey readers...

My day hasn't been really that awesome.
Oh well... Think positively yea Shi Ting (oh, I just love talking to myself. Like how I express it in the blog)

Recently during weekends, I do have a lot of chance to spend more time with him.
1. During Saturdays, he would come.
2. I had dinner after YP and he's there.
3. He heard from Ruth about my silly swimming experience that made the whole table laughed like mad. (Ok, I admit I did most of the laughing.)
4. When we had RFYL meeting, just before that...he was at the meeting room too. Playing titi and bridge. I didn't play with them because Titus don't let me play. And they only needed 4 played. so well. But when he was saying bye...and he look straight into my face..and the light that makes his eyes look glittery..does touched my heart and made it run fast. (so charminggg..glee!)
5. He came for the games day the following saturday.
6. I'm quite thankful for the games (special thanks to mervin) because of those games, I know..
i) He wanted to have 3 kids
ii) He want girls to go army
iii) He doesn't do house chores when he's young
iv) He uses colgate toothpaste! :O same same!
And also because of the games...
7. He held my wrist for the first time! Oh yea...
I don't know whether I'm the one who's shaking or he's the one who can't hold my wrist properly..because...MY WRIST WAS SHAKING TOO BADLY! (I was kinda afraid that he could feel my rapid pulse. But he seems quite okay. But when I went back to sit down. My legs are like jelly...as though I just went for a roller coaster ride..and I'm shell-shock.)
8. I get to play my favourite card games with the rest (although he didn't play..but well.)
Jumbo speed and ugly dolls! woo hoo! so fun! :)
9. BBQ TIME! He was there at the BBQ too! The food was awesome. The talk was challenging me to discover my gifts if I have not done so. I've really tried to find and discover what gifts I had. But I found none. Probably I feel that this kind of thing...others could see it better.
10. The next day, I was stucked in church the whole day, just like the previous sunday. Because I need to meet up with the SS graduates to come out with the presentation. It ended quite fast.
11. I was playing my grade 8 pieces and some of my most outstanding pieces hoping that he would appear.
12. In the end, he came so late.
13. He was chairing for the gospel and baptism service. (love his formal wear)
14. Like him, I was very happy to see my friends got baptised. I know all of them too! :) Some are even my good friends!
15. While he was talking to others, I shot A LOT of quick look at him. He caught some of the quick look from me.. *red face* me red face. Not him of course. He was not merely talking, but talk and smile at the same time.. That kinda sight captures my heart.
16. I've got roses from two boy-friends! HAHA! No lah, two of them just plucked out from Aunty Amy's vase and give it to me because I wanted it and I've got no hands to pluck them.
17. When baba asked samuel to give the rose to the girl he likes, HE GAVE IT TO ME. I know he's kidding. So I shoot a "are-you-mad" face to him.
18. DINNER AT SWENSEN'S THOMSON PLAZA! (Of course he was there too! Or I wouldn't have gone. Cos its late and I'm hungry and it's expensiveee..)
19. I didn't really get to talk to him a lot. But I was really upset because he messaged Ruth a few days back as Ruth was sharing about it during dinner..prolly asking her out for dinner..Sighs. Why not meeeee... I want also. One steamboat dinner with him and the rest where got enough? I want one to one...one to one.. (may be not. Because I'm kinda of scared if one to one...he'd found out that I like him too easily. and obvious. Because of hormones, I may just express myself too much. So it might be too obvious. BETTER TO GO IN GROUP. and HIDE.)
20. From the dinner, I know that he's a rubbish bin. Eat whatever that people couldn't finish..
Very handy skills.
21. When taking photo, I turnt back twice, and he look at me twice. I SHOULD HAVE TURNED BACK MORE TIMESSS!!
22. Oh, he saw my laptop bag and thought I brought laptop cos he asked me why you bring a laptop. So I opened up the lappy bag and showed him that it's all piano scores. Then he nod and oh and didn't talk to me any further. (Is that what he could only ask and say to me.?... SIGHS)
23. That whole sunday could be so bad if there wasn't this night service and DINNER because my parents keep insisting me to stay in Singapore and not go to cambodia.
(Seems like I might have to wait a longer time in order for me to go for mission trip again!)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
24. CHINESE NEW YEAR (3rd day!) He was there at the dinner yesterday!
i)He was the first to arrive uncle TK's house
ii) He best ah. Just dip the bread into the curry pot with all the oil on top.
But I think he saw me "filtering" the oil from the curry in mag's spoon. and probably he couldn't wait anymore so he just dip into the curry pot. Gosh, GOOD FOOD CANNOT BE WAIT MEH?
iii) I laughed the loudest when mel didn't bring the card with gold to herself and others could see whether its a gold a not!
iv) Den I myself when putting back the card with gold to the original position, I accidentally flipped the card and everybody knows where the gold is! THERE GOES THE SABOTEUR..
v) He grinned to me when he left the saboteur game. Awws, I realised he kept shooting glance at me when playing the game. Haha. Awesommmeeee...
vi) He purposely breathe out through his mouth to maggie after having the durian cake, knowing that mag hates durian smell! HAHA! I laughed with the fork still in my mouth when he does that. So bad. ;D

Today, I was completely worned out after getting out of my bed. Firstly, I dreamt that he proposed to another girl right in front of me whether she wanted to be his girlfriend. And he held her hands. And he kissed her right in front of me. That dream seriously sucks. It's worse than a crazy and violent and blood filled nightmare. I could feel the jealousy and bitterness in that dream. I manipulated in such a way that time will go back and he realised that i'm the one who belongs to him. But before it could be done so...its time to wake up and go for worship.

He wasn't sitting too far away from me during worship. But I didn't get to talk to him for the whole day whereas my mum did get to talk to him and gave him ang pao. :) I love my mum for doing that. Seriously. hahaha. :D Oh, about the sunday school video thinggy...mag and els were so not co operative. Mag keep giving suggestions like, " can ys say "thank" and jamie say " you" and go? Or I can write down the message and you read it out. Just take you can already. Sighs. WHY?! Els keep nagging us to hurry. We need to get things done and she can go if she could quickly think of what to say.
They just don't understand that it's urgent and it's hard to get people down. Jet is kind enough to stay lil while to take this video for us. So we shouldn't keep postponing and drag things.

Came back home and continued to reason with my mum about the cambodia trip. At last, she managed to hear my reasons and I managed to hear her reasons about not letting me go to cambodia. It's kind of acceptable. I know everything could be done before that trip, and I had already thought through my mistakes about being so busy and just being busier than ever for the past 3 months. But probably, it wasn't sufficient enough. I felt better after crying and told myself and consoled myself that probably God can bless me more than what I think He could bless if only I had live a life more pleasing to Him and being sanctified and holy so that He could use me.

It was still quite a heart wretching experience...although its a lesson in disguise.
(Just in case you readers still don't get it...I can't go cambodia. All because of the close door.)

Bye readers! [:

Pure stupidity

2011-01-30T18:57:00.000-08:00

Keep Smiling, Just keep on Smiling
Keep Laughing, Just keep on Laughing
Stay happy, Just keep on staying happy.
Can't I, oh why can't I...

Many things happened during weekends, mainly cause I had experienced a lot more pain and a lot more fun and also managed to find out a lot of things unknowingly.

The week has been just so special in such a way that I'm having a lot of mixed feelings.
The more time I get to meet up with him(also with the rest), the more things I noticed, the more things I heard, and the more disappointed I've got.

It's made worse by how my mum totally ignored me when I speak to her about the trip to cambodia.
I'm not going just because he's going. He's not even in the part of the reasons that I'm going. Its just a bonus that he's going.
I've been wanting to see the work at cambodia, get to know the missionaries there and hope that I can do something meaningful for them which is in this case, to paint walls. What's more in this trip, I'll be able to know a few jap people from other assemblies and have a good time of fellowship with them and get their contacts to follow up.

I really don't like the way I can't seek understanding from my family members with regards to this matter. I know that they doesn't like the way I handle things last year because that's my FIRST time in my life I'm handling so many many work and got so hectic.
I had exams to prepare and papers to sit for,
Piano to practice and lessons to attend,
Run for your life meetings and tasks to be done asap,
Laptop broke down so I had to go repair it,
Church meetings to attend,
Replug concert preparations.

I was just too busy and I know it's my fault that I didn't stay home and think about my parents and show more care and concern to them. As much as I wanted, I also would like to stay home and spend quality time with them. Do what I can to help them in the house chores and practice my piano as much as I could because my mum is very concern with that as the fees are really ex.

I know that it's my fault and I really do understand that most of the time, I think about myself more than I think of them. Can't they just give me more time and chance?

The FILL INs [, , ] of my heart

2011-01-17T07:23:00.000-08:00

Miss him , Love him , Want him

HEY! RANDOMS THOUGHTS IN THE TOILET UH?

2011-01-11T20:46:00.000-08:00

HEY READERS! [:

Just some random stuffs I wanna share while I'm in the toilet:

1. I was thinking about the dream that I had during one of the naps recently. I think I'm having huge craving for Vitagen and I was thristy while I'm having naps. So yea, I dreamt that I was holding the Vitagen that I just took out from the freezer. It felt hot. So I was wondering in my dream why was vitagen freshly taken out from the freezer can be warm..so I opened my eyes...and I realised that I was holding on to my bolster instead! :/

Den I was laughing to myself in the toilet. (oh, btw, I was doing the "business" in the toilet) :D

2. Den I started thinking about the song "haunted" by Taylor Swift. I was wondering, if ben heard me singing to him, " Come on Come on don't leave me like this, I thought I had you figured it out. Some thing gone terrible wrong. You all I wanted.", confirm he'll leave. Why? Cos I don't have a Taylor Swift voice..and it's awful! Well, if I have Taylor Swift voice and by singing that to him so that he won't leave, I seriously wish that I have her voice now!

okay, whatever. That's totally silly.

3. Oh, guess wad, I started to hearing "dropping-the-faeces" sound from the next cubicle.
It was like continuous lah! I was thinking to myself, hmm...she really had a lot of gold in her rectal. And start to laugh to myself. I mean..why am I feeling so happy today? Simply happy. Haven't felt like this for sooo long.

4. When I start to think about farting like a motobike, I laughed harder.

5. Finally, I've cleared all the faeces from my rectal!

And just now on my way to school, my phone scared the people in the train.
Cos the earpiece came off and the music started blasting. It happened TWICE.

Oh, and Jason MISS MY BURP! I'm quite thankful cos people in my class doesn't complain about my burp. They just comment about it. Like..OH MY GOSH! MY GOODNESS! THIS IS REALLY LOUD! HAHAHA! and more! Some of them miss my burp!! I'm so happy that burping can make some of them laugh! oh btw, Wanni's burp sounds like a man who burps. Its loud and low! super funny!

Oh, i hope that the pharmaceutics UT will be manageable and that I can finish all the questions!
I felt really depressed about the dietary supplement UT cos I didn't manage to finish the calculations and advices! I know how to do!! I really know.. I just need more time. ARGHS..!..
Oh well, I shouldn't keep thinking about sad and depressing stuff and remind myself how much time I left before he leave.. :(

BYE READERS! [:

Better news?

2011-01-05T03:51:00.000-08:00

Hey readers!

I've such a fruitful trip to Myanmar on 19th to 29th december 2010!
It marks the mircales that the Lord has done for me.
Seriously, from this trip, I realised that prayer really works wonders!
I thought I have a high chance of not surviving back to Singapore. This is serious. Because I fell sick there and my body was not able to adapt to the extreme cold temperature there. It was so cold till when you pee in the morning, there's water vapour rising out from your pee!

I did conquered a lot of things! Like surviving through the 12 hours of coach ride. Seriously, the road was bumpy and I've found it so hard to sleep. Also, I have to hold my pee for soo soo long! It was only after I went to the "toilet" in one of the "wulu" places, den I've found myself really in a mission trip! The toilet was so dark and it's a long way to walk deep inside. Its so scary esp in the night. If you're going alone to that toilet, you might have second thoughts even though the pee will come out anytime!

I love the time I had spent with the BMET members:
Amariah, Jonathan, Samuel, Sheena, Esmond, Edna, Melissa (my dorm mate), Anabeth, Raeann, Linus and Sharlyn. Its super funny esp at the Eastern Hotel where they're preparing the puppet show. While translating the words from Eng to Chinese, I realised that my church peeps chinese reallie is "wah-best-seh" standard. Direct translation! SUPER funny! Sometimes the head of the puppet will drop out and its like we'll hold our tummy and laughed so hard like no one else's business. The voice of the puppets were really funny at certain point of the time too! haha!
Shopping and walking and eating. Hmm..really nice to see the full moon there. It was so BIG BIG BIG AND ROUND ROUND ROUND AND BRIGHT BRIGHT BRIGHT! Love it a lot. Though I didn't manage to see shooting stars there, but I have the Brightest Star in my heart! Thats none other than my Lord and GOD! :)

After 8 whole days, I thought I couldn't make it anymore. I really want to go home and rest. I really miss home and sleep so so much. I was thoroughly worn out. But I don't know what give me the energy to want to continue to play the stupid BANG game and ton the last night. I merely had 2hrs and 30minutes of sleep. Super tired the next day. Btw, the BANG games was really stupid. I was about to win the whole game. And samuel took over mel's card when I left for a pee. Den after I came out of the toilet, I realised I just died. All 4/5 lifes that I had just ended. Very pro samuel. Very pro...

Oh btw, Jonathan and Esmond were really helpful. I thought my correction tape is beyond repair esp when Jonathan almost tored the tape while trying to get it fix. But there, the Pro correction tape and shoe marker aka Esmond FIX THAT BEYOND REPAIRED CORRECTION TAPE! They really don't give up even when I keep saying just throw it away, its gone for good.

The Christmas spents at the bontanical garden was soo good! I was so happy that Jonathan and Samuel is in my fan club! HAHA! Samuel said something nice about me and I said that if I've got a fanpage, I'd put that under write something about the fanclub. He said about my laugh. How I could laugh at almost everything and being happy always.

Anw, the motor ride to the Nargist victim's farm was really adventureous! It's super bumpy that I almost fell off from the motorbike. Really thrilling and I really prayed hard and enjoyed it hard too!

Next, painting in the cold wasn't that nice. It's like my arms became really tired. But well, I was so happy that I could do something for the school there. I did panicked about getting a cut from the rusty grills. But I think its fine now. No infection I guess. :)

Oh!! I really admired the way how Pam Linstead (the missionary) actually can get over her previous boyfriend and start a new life, being busy with mission work. From her love story, I realised that the Lord is a perfect match maker! He knows which guy is the best for her and that they can be so deeply in love with each other. I really hope that the Lord will bless me with a good spouse too :) Some guy that took so much effort to do something just for a girl he loves.

I wouldn't mind about having someone that will not be romantic and very straightforward in terms of proposal as long as I think and God knows that he's the best person for me.

Well, today I just said something really weird.
I said to wanni that if I look for eye candy, I might have already been attached.
But he is different. He fulfil his responsibilities and he would make it good. He had a heart to listen to God and the way he thinks about certain things are different. He knows how to look on the bright side. He had this smile that could light up my whole heart whenever I see him smile (even when he's not smiling to me). There's no second thought about liking another guy. I just couldn't find someone that I really admired so much and I felt that he's the best that I could ever find. He's the man of my dreams.

Yes, its dreams. So I know I shouldn't be chasing after dreams. It's vanity and not worthwhile. I did stop chasing after the dreams but I have already put him in some corner in my heart so that no one can replace his place in my heart. No one could.

The GREATEST thing is that I know at least, I have about 8 more months left before he leave.

Anw, I'm getting abit out of shape nowadays.
1. COUGH COUGH COUGH
Seriously, I don't like medicine. It makes me feel so drowsy and I can hardly say what I wanted to say correctly.
2. Run for your life this friday! Really pray that God will see it through all things.
3. Next monday got paper and I don't even know which module is that.
how great is that.
4. Panick! Tmr piano lesson. ARGH.

Hope and Pray.
That's all I know of now.

Bye readers! [:

Precious almst gone..

2010-12-17T06:08:00.000-08:00

Dear readers

There's something about me, feeling completely breathless, utterly helpless that I just want to stop doing every single thing. Something precious will soon be out of my sight. Though I never own the precious, had the precious, but it is my precious. YES. 3 precious words appeared in one sentence. Cos I couldn't do anything more, nor say anything that's in my heart for so long. I don't want to do this anymore. But I don't know why I kept telling myself not to give up because I hadn't tried. I don't want to be a complete loser. Becos I'd never tried to hold it tight till refusal and rejectment comes in. So I told myself that there's still time, at least days. Make use of it to leave some precious memories for the precious. But I really don't know how. And so I'm stress, worried and dreamt about precious almost everynight. This is TRUE. He appeared in my dreams many times.

But there's another voice inside me, that says, just stop. Its better for me to stop. I don't have to do it. I don't have to feel stress. Leave it to God and I'll find peace. Lord, make me realise what I don't realised. Especially Your goodness. I want to have the love of God in me. I don't want Your love to me to be one-sided. I want to love you more. I know how it feels like and I hope I won't do this to you Lord.

Lord, I know how it feels like to have something precious taken away. I know who's precious to You. Its the soul of Thy creation. The people. Whenever the devil tempted them and leads them away from You. Lord, I know it is really sad. I hope that I can do something about it. Something that I can do for You in this area. But I'm still very unprepared. Prepare my Thy ways and sanctify me.

If someone is not meant for me, then just let it be.
If something is not meant to be heard or said, then let it be.
The most important thing is, I still have You.

Whether I am a complete winner or loser doesn't matter. The most important is, the VICTORY is the Lord and therefore, I will REJOICE!

Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say Rejoice!

I've never felt this way before

2010-12-04T06:36:00.000-08:00

Hey readers

I don't know how. Happy I should be or sad I should be.
I was so excited about the steamboat on thurs. Many things happened on that day.
1. School. Fell sick and sore throat. didn't slp much that night.
2. Go sunshine plaza with nigel. He was so kind. Postponed his gym training just to be my tour guide to sunshine plaza. Help me carry lappy and umbrella. Best "tour guide" ever man. You can't get this anywhere!
3. Meet Yin San while waiting for tim n ben to come.
Saw Ben's msg and I was thinking why he was at airport? The 1st thing that comes into my head was he might be sending maggie off! HAHA! Den in the end me and yin san teased him!

I tot my strawberry period came. But in the end, I scare myself.
4. Ben came. I pretend to be fine. but actually I was overly excited inside.
5. Go steamboat place. Wahh, that day was raining away and it doesn't feel good eating at somewhere like that, somemore expensive and the oil keep on splattering like nobody's business like dat. But I still felt really happy. Esp he started talking and asked me something about why I was early and so on.
6. He was so cute :)
7. He was so funny :)
8. OVERSEAS? Why go overseas? to where? for wad?
9. My heart sank.
(but I said, "wah! scholarship! wah! london!)
10. My heart sank further when he said he's going for 3 to mabye 4 years.
(but I said, " wah! cool!)
11. Go sunshine plaza to collect poster.
Felt so urgent! need to go toilet. In the end I felt like it took millions of yrs just to get to toilet.
Finally reached there. I was so dumb. The guy pointed there, the rubberband. I look at the direction hes pointing at, and asked where? Den he said there, I look at the same direction agn and asked where? Den he said, THERE! ON MY HAND! and looked and OH!!!!! HAHAHAHA!
(SLOW SHI TING)
And me and yin san enjoyed singing song together and laughing away at each other's dumb song! YI PEE YA YA YI PEE YI PEE YA!!
12. We came back after 20+ mins from sunshine plaza and I told jokes to the 3 guys.
13. I love the way he laughs when I did the indian lightbulb dance right in front of him!
14. and one costumer laughs, "HA! HA! HA!" It really sounds like some martial arts SHI FU yelling HA! HA! HA! when he attack his opponent. Thats wad ben said. I couldn't agree more. When I pee, I heard the person HA!HA!HA! again. I was HA!HA!HA!-ing away when I'm peeing too! :D
15. Soon, its time to go home. 3 hours just past like this. and Ben ended being the one that the oil loves the most. He kena the most oil being splattered on him. Its mostly Tim's fault. He spilled the soup on that hot oil. poor ben cannot siam in time. So he "ARGH!" loadds of time mann!! Its kinda funny though.
16. I love the way he helped me to shift the prawns nearer to me.
17. I love how he was willing to scope some soup for his friends and me despite the scary oil.
18. I screamed onto Yinsan's ears via the rolled up poster!
19. Ben wanted to help me with my stuff. But I told him nvm I can managed.
20. Ben asked me about the poster. And I told him its Ginvera. And hugged the poster in front of everybody.
21. He went boarded the train alone.
22. I looked at him when he's on the train. When the train ran past my eyes, I didn't dare to look back at him and just laughed becos Yin San laughed.
23. I found out from tim about the girl who ben likes. It reminded me that he might not be kidding about he only reply msgs to the girl of his dreams. and he said no so loudly when jeremy asked so its me rtye?
24. I couldn't feel any lousier than before.

I couldn't sleep well. And the next day I've overslept..
I dunno wad gave me the courage to ask him out for badminton. Probably I managed to convince myself that he won't feel odd.
He was busy with youth camp preps so he can't meet me.
Anw, I felt better after talking to him about random stuffs. haha
I realised that only the person who hurts u, be it indirectly or directly, is the only person that could make you find back your real smile.

I dunno whether its my eyes got problem a not. But from the sideview, I saw him in church.
He said he's not going to special ministry and has not attended one in his life. but there, on friday night, I saw him.
By the way, the speaker made me almost cried. Can I really sing, "take my life, my silver and my gold, not a mite would I withhold, take my hands etc.?"
I felt that I'm still very carnal. becos, I still can't do that. I need more serious discipleship. I seriously think that when ben goes, I can just focus solely on God. Love God more than anything else. Thats my intention, my goal, my aspiration.

Today, presentation was slack. Not me but the faccies. Go around asking pple whether they wan some chips a not when pple are presenting away. HAH! She said I presented good enough and dunnid to cover all. Asked simpler questions like wads the diff between personal care and beauty care industry instead of asking me wads strategic group :)

Its been a while since I last fell down. When ben hits my head, I felt giddy and leaned backwards. I dunno what he was trying to support me from the back. But he grabbed me and it almost touch the side of my boobs mann.. I got stunned when I saw its him and just felt...wah! it feels like I'm in a drama. Lovin it?

Even though he's leaving and do his "political" course, and even though he does not like me,
I will patiently wait. I've never felt so right. Lost in thoughts of him.

It suddenly reminds me of my childhood promise to my mother. Cos I once promised her that I will not get a bf only until I reached 22 yrs old, if I got bf before that, I will become an old witch. If I wait for him, I really might not get any bf till 22! This is seriously so scary. Never promise what you don't mean it. See now, I think I've cursed myself since childhood days. *shake heads*

Oh, just now was his first comment on my facebook status! He said sorry he hit my head.
I wanted to tell him its not the head that feels pain, its how he touched me felt really awkward.

Ben,
After I heard about your scholarship to london to pursue further studies, the first question that come into my mind was, why can't you choose NUS instead? Its pretigous and good. Well, perhaps maybe NUS doesn't have the course you wanted.
Now, Worship service, CEP, Prayer meeting, gospel serive, YP in amk are going to lack of one voice singing, listening, and praying.
Now, Youth camp, mission trip to cambodia, DVBS are going to lack of one person service.
Now, captain's ball and soccer are going to lack of one person playing.
Now, Shi Ting lack of someone to HA!HA!HA! with.

I just hope that all will be well there and that u'll have a safe journey back to Singapore.
I also hope that u'll be able to find a church there to continue to serve Him and reach out to others.
May you be well and happy always. No matter what happens, apply Lordship into your life, and you'll never know what God can do for you!
Just last thing that I hope...
I hope that I'll be able to recognise you when you come back!! :D

Take care. (sobs.)
With lots of love,
Shi Ting

A love, A God

2010-11-30T22:36:00.000-08:00

There's something that keeps me going, and someone to keep me strong..That something is love, and that someone is God.

God has given me an apage love which is unconditional love. This love is a love that does not demand reciprocation, a love that is self-sacrifice. Self consumes. A love that RESULTED in His sending Jesus down to the cross to die for me.

Thank You Lord for this love, I'm made righteous and justified in His eyes.

Will you give this love just one chance, to be the miracle of your life?

I guess

2010-11-14T04:38:00.000-08:00

I guess I would feel better after blogging.

So many things happened. The only day which I felt the happiest is SATURDAY.
I seriously love that day mann.
Lunch with mag and san was super funny. I told them jokes and yin san also said some. It really made me laugh loadds even though I'm the one who's telling jokes. HAHA! :D

It happened that I have to play for Children's corner during singpiration on that day too. And I kind of enjoyed watching the kids doing actions and singing praises to God.

I love the bible study session with my dear sisters in Christ. So many came!! Most of them just finished "O"s! Great!! finally they can relax more.

I love the refreshments provided by Uncle Muti. This time round, THERES MY FAVVVVV!!!
SEAWEEEEEDDS!! WOOOHOOO! (sea veggies~)

After that I told jokes to rina and she laughed until very funny and cute!! I was hurrying to one corner to hide myself and laugh really loudly there! ahhaa!

Oh, and I played captain's ball!! I saw ben at the railling there. I think he called my name. And I'm kinda confused and looked at him blankly and said," I'm coming to play captain's ball!"
Anw, I didn't expect myself to play so much. and I just ran and ran and continued to play even its like raining here and there. Enjoyed it loadds. And obviously, enjoyed watching someone playing too. Hahaha! I remembered the way he laughed to yin fei. Super sarcastic yet funny thou. :D He's jus so cute. hehehhehe. And he replayed a face that I did when the ball near hit me. It was jus too scary. So kit soon was throwing the ball with all his might! Oh, and I went to snatch the on-coming ball from him and I accidentally hit his palm I think. (but I don't care. I don't think its painful. so i never say sorry). So I felt tat the captain's ball was scary to me..and I'm scary to kenneth because I almst made his spects fall and he almost tripped. I grabbed his arm and asked whether he's seriously okay a not. I hope he'll forgive me.

Last but not least...the guy(ben), he tapped me with his fingers I guess.. I seriously thought he went off with others to have dinner together. But there he was, next to me. When he tapped me, I was looking down and thought.."do I have a friend that I know that carries something like a hockey stick?" den I looked up...and to my HUGE suprise..its HIMM!! WOO HOOO! JACKPOT!
We talked as we walked over the head bridge. I wasn't feeling that good at that moment because nicholas is chasing after some verdict on food. So I was kinda troubled. But because he was there, I felt slightly better. After he left, I suddenly dunno where my brain went to. I dunno what to type to nicholas anymore. And when I was buying food, I took out my ez link card instead of wallet. I think I'm lost in some wonderland. HAHA! SMILING so much when walking back home. :) Saturday was a great day!

So is today's morning. Ben was sitting a row behind me at the side. And he saw me and I saw him when we're both at a distance. hehhee. I think I looked quite blur that time. Anw, after that..I only get to see him agn after the meeting with the run for your life committee. He was chatting so busily. Well, den I went off to piano. It was pretty good. :) and later in the evening, I went to celebrate with granny too. I felt good too :D

Here's the thing...its tmr's UT!! I just don't feel like studying. My lappy cannot work and my sis is going to make a complain to harvey norman tmr with regards to the warranty. And also my bro might get involved in a police case. Sighs. His friends sold him things that are underpriced (without the boss permission too), so now the goods are with my bro. As my bro thought that the price was given at his friend's boss permission, thats why my bro bought it. Who knows his friend did something with the receipt and now the boss found out and made a police case. Sighs. His poor friends and my brother...I wonder how they are doing now. I seriously hope that they will be fine.

Sighs. I hope saturday comes quickly again. :)

Bye readers :]

Harvesting a courageous thought

2010-11-12T07:12:00.000-08:00

Hey readers! :D

The concert was awesome!! the audience made me felt super "shiok"! And most importantly, HE CAME!! He even took pics with me!! one to one!! I felt that the pic does not look really great..cos he does have a fat fat face in the pic. So I cropped out the one that we took together with the other guys, where he was sitting beside me (: cos he look better in that pic. And guess wad, it fits so nicely in the phone as wallpaper and I simply love the phone more because of that wallpaper! my class mate commented that she saw me simply to myself after presentation because I was look at the phone. And she knew it that I was smiling becos of HIM!! haha!!

and I was abit crazy and said, " ben was smiling to me."

Oh well, anw JUST NOW...
I suddenly had a courgeous thought! A thought for confession!
I think to myself...what will happen if I leave the wallpaper there till tmr where all my church friends will see? I imagined myself saying,"Yes, actually I like him since sec 4 and none of you notice it. And I just don't wanna hide anymore." and I imagined myself added, "Cos, I don't feel what's the point of hiding it. And to fall in love with some one like him, I don't think its wrong. And I don't mind letting him know how I feel about him too."

I mean..I can imagined myself saying that.. like seriously.
But I don't know whether I would be brave enough to say it.
And I feel rather foolish and stupid instead if I would have told them.
Because things will spread. And what happens if he don't feel comfortable talking to me anymore? and even avoid me? Will I be brave enough to accept such consequences? Well, I just don't think I'm prepared for this. So yea, I guess I have to be discreet. And probably, I'm just getting wild thoughts and excitement. I should just stop being like this Shi Ting. Cos its meaningless and in the end, nothing may happen.

Oh well...

Bye readers! [:

BREATHE IN~ BREATHE OUT!

2010-10-31T07:41:00.000-07:00

HEEEEEE'S GOING FOR MY CONCERT!

OH GOSH! I can't help but to feel super excited about everything EVERYTHING! about meeting him to pass ticket to him and I had a short and heart pacing convo with him just now. Becos I was waiting him to say yes! AND HE SAID YEA SURE! after asking my freaking many questions. I bet he hasn't read any of the facebook msg that I sent to him.. BUT nvrmind! HE'S GOING GOING GOING! :DDDD

I've got his contact no. OH YEA! :D I mean I know where to get his contact number, but I want to ask him personally so that he won't have any idea that I stalked him in facebook.

MY FACE IS BURNING HOTT! hahaha! Yin san made me laugh loadds
She was saying that she shitted when I was in gospel during ushering.
LOL!!! I TOLD HER I CAN'T IMAGINE AND SHE SAID," who ask u to go imagine?! don't imagine! you're supposed to be thinking of smiling and gospel and not think of me shitting LOL!"

PP has to rework. But how to cut down history to 100 words?
Its so impossible. :( NVRMIND. I need to apply my pro summary skills:D

SEEYA ALL READERS!
oh! for those of my who knows about that secret guy...and are going to the concert...
pls, don't make things obvious. okay. don't come and ask me issit him and point to him.
Because he's very observant wan. Once u point point den i "malu malu"
OKAY? help me to keep it a secret :D

THANKS READERS!

bye readers! :D

what a day

2010-10-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

Perfect submission, all is at rest,
I in my Saviour am happy and blest;
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Saviour all the day long.

Hey readers!
I thanked God that I felt all is at rest! Even though PP had stressed me so much on the previous sat and sun, where I managed to complete the rest of 5 sections, writing an additional of 3000+ words, I felt God's with me, supporting me and let me have the strength and will to finish my work. I'm really filled with His goodness. He is the Only One worthy to be praised!

Here's the thing about today k..
I did something exceptionally stupid in class.
For such a long period of time, I've been shaking my legs, with my legs crossed and thought that my legs were in touch with the bunch of wires underneath my team's table. So i happily shook my legs and my legs "leaned" on the "wires". Den my friend asked me, " Shi Ting! Why are you shaking my legs?" I was "huh?!" and "what?!", "how did you....(know)", and I looked down, still shaking my legs at that position. Man man man...I've been shaking my friend's leg!!! (She's sitting opp me!!) And she told me that I've been shaking her legs for a while!!! And she said she didn't mind, thinking it was okay for a while, but when I still continued to shake my legs (and her legs) for quite sometimes, she just couldn't bear it any longer and asked me why. I was like in a totally shock mode when I just discovered that "paiseh" fact, and at the same time, my other teammate was laughing his head off. He was saying again and again, "HOW COULD YOU THOUGHT THAT THE LEG WAS A WIRE?!?! HOW? HAHAHAHA!" Then we all just laughed out loudd!! He looked down at my legs again as I was showing him how I did it. Den we all laughed again! This was really seriously funny and stupid.

I certainly made their day man! :DD

Kim shared the funny old man that doesn't know how to insert the straw into the plastic cup with the plastic wrapped on the mouth of the cup. (those bubble tea cup kind) I can't believe that the man actually can squeeze the cup (adding pressure to the cup) and best thing is, he inserted the straw on the blunt side, not the sharp side...and of cos, best thing ever done leads to best outcome, and the drink spilled kim and her ah ma!!! hahahaha!!! Kim added that the old man still continue to drink it! hahahha! ULTIMATE OLD MAN! (UOM UOM!)

BYE READERS

don't know why-Love

2010-10-17T06:12:00.000-07:00

Hey readers

I dunno why I just feel like blogging...
Probably I felt quite lonely as I felt that my sweet church-ties aren't really talking to me much and there's nothing much I can talk to them about. I don't feel anywhere comfortable telling them that I like this guy which they all know. And from my past experience, the people whom I dun wanna let them know all know about my crush. So I just wanna stop sharing these private stuff from them and hope they will not know about this blog even though I sometimes mentioned about them. Which was quite a sad thing isn't it..the feeling that I can't share my secret/feelings with them..which I suppose will be my lifelong buddies. We've been friends for ages alrdy..ever since the day when we fall, the first thing that we did is to cry for mummy.

I felt kind of empty...Perhaps because I did not have a vibrant life with my God...and perhaps I'm eager to have a better relationship with this guy. Cos u noe...when u didn't talk to a person u missed so much and didn't have any eye contact with the person, you just don't feel satisfied and not content enough. Although yesterday when he was leaning on his hands and facing my side directly, I didn't dare to look at his direction. All I was doing is looking at the person who's talking and stare on the floor. So I guess, its just my fault. Argh, don't like this feeling...I somehow really hope that he'll be in the same bus as me when I'm on my way to church like in the past. (thats how I found out that he used the same phone model and colour as me. Its some donkey years back. and when I changed phone, I found out that he's using another same model phone with me and same colour again! Woohoo!) Anw, now I don't see him anywhere in the same bus as me. ):
I'm crying in my heart now..

Hope all these feelings will past as I start to desire to have a more vibrant relationship with God my Father! :D

Bye readers

TWO words to describe me now: SHAG. STRUGGLING

2010-10-16T07:10:00.000-07:00

Hey readers

For some reasons that I haven't been blogging its because I'm too tired to do so and I have lotsa things to get done. School's PP, transition ideas for replug concert, the mega lot of quizzes that were made compulsory to do after lessons, practice my difficult to the max piano pieces (stress ya noe. cos the tempo a bit too fast and I've a slow progress. my teacher is very demanding and I had to do slow practice with mentrome! arghs), upcoming YP and BMET's preparations, timo wanted more from my testimony so I've to edit it today, the SS homework. Arghs. so many things to be done in such a short time. But still I can managed to go for meetings that I want! Like for prayer meeting! Its amazing! I thought I couldn't go on tues anymore cos I'm having band practices after school and my school ends about 4+pm and I have to get rj and quiz done before I can go anywhere. So thats amazing that I can finish all these and including dinner and GO FOR PRAYER MEETING! woohoo! :D:D:D

I enjoyed prayer meeting as I can spent that one full hour concentrating and focusing on the Lord. I can stop thinking about my school work and stress that I'm feeling. But it doesn't stop me from thinking about that guy somehow. Its stupid. The thought of him comes on and off. Really stupid. I just feel like taking my brain out, pull out/empty that portion that I've been thinking about him. Somehow my password oso got his name, and after my presentation, I would see him smiling at me. how issit possible? Cos I went to facebook via my phone and went to his page, and go to my fav pic of him and just freeze my phone. So yeah, that's how he was smiling at me after my team's presentation.. Seems like I'm getting more crazy about this guy.

Readers, I dunnoe why I'm like this. When he actually stood beside me to ask ,my friend who was discussing about SS, I felt so out of place. I can't even shoot a quick glance at him. I'm just so nervy and I quickly got my drink topped up and look for Uncle tuck keong who asked me to see him for the BMET's visa application thinggy. Well, I just cannot make it ya noe. Not to say about him talking to me, asking why me and yinsan still in church. I guessed he asked us cos he thought we went off since we're not playing captain's ball or wad. So I think he's surprised to see us around. My heart just wanted to tell him cause I want to stay awhile more to see ya around more and perhaps have dinner with u and others. But guess wad, I told him I've stayed cos I was doing my SS homework. Which was only half true. Cos I did played bridge with some of the churchties and 55. haha :D But he didn't need to know that..isn't it? Oh, then he shoot me with the astonished, "OH! WAAH" look...which was quite funny. HAHA!

Okay, I did got very happy to be able to have this short convo with him. I mean seriouslyy...I don't talk to guys in church cos guys don't usually talk to me. And he talked to meeee!! what a rare chancceee! :D Woohoo, and maggie told me about him making sushi. OH GOODNESS, HE ADDED STUPID WATER ON THE SEAWEED. well, cos he took heed of maggie's sis advice, perhaps he tot she's experienced and more reliable? AND HE GOT "SCOLDED" by some of the church aunties. POOR HIM. Well, I think he need to attend home econs classes which he said that he didn't had it, like seriously..

Oh, i think I've gone too much...everything about him him and him. Cos he's in my mind right now, at least for 20 mins already. Just feel quite sad that he left during the workshop on TV and video games..I can't guess why he need to go. I felt abit weird..like he might be meeting some girl friends or something. Well, well, well, I shouldn't feel jealous or bitter right now. Stupid me again. Maybe cause I just love you. (YEA! I LOVEEEE YOU <3 )

Bye readers. (Pray that I would not be stupid and think about him esp when worshipping the LORD tmr morning! )

My sweet 18th birthday

2010-09-29T07:16:00.000-07:00

Hey readers! [:

Guess what? I had surprises after surprises!!!! It was so amazing especially to have friends around to celebrate birthday together! :D Yes, I had an amazing evening together with my close buddies. The thing is that I didn't know that others will come. Thought it'd be romantic to be with kimmy that day :) We did had a heavy heavy dinner..till I felt that my stomach is stretched from side to side..BURSTING if I eat anymore. And its quite hefty thou. Each one of us have to pay more den $20 bucks. We should have gone to eat at sukiya. Buffet somemore. And plus it's dam dam dam shiok! and its less den $20 per person! :DDD Sukiyaaaa...sukiyaaaa i miss you!!! The best thing about it was that I had PRETTY FLOWERS (WITH ROMANTIC COLOUR, BLUE ROSE!), MINI SHOPAHOLIC BOOK AS MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT (I'm at page 65 now), HUGE BIRTHDAY CARD (which I had to guess who is who's note for me. and I had to sing love story by taylor swift as a forfeit becos I guessed wrongly. So, thats how noob I was. Not only that, I had RELIGHTING CANDLES. Thats worse mann.. I used that to play pranks on my friends and now they did it to me. I had blew it still I'm really breathless and the whole pizza hut was filled with SMOKE. Oh, and got one candle holder was soo cute! got birthday song in it! NICEEE! never seen that before! so special! Apart from all these, I had looadds of laughter! Kumar was the main joker. and I can't helped but to laugh at almost everything he did. He's such a joker. He can fight with christopher. Both are humorous.

The next day was a planned outing with my close churchties! We had koreaannn foodd!! And its so cheaap! :D The side dishes were superb and the soup was awesome awesome! Naomi just came back from australia and she baked cake for me! She said she learnt frosting while shes having lecture! Thinking about making a birthday cake for me while shes in australia having lecture.. Whoa, I'm super honored! I still havent finish the cake. Cos she baked an enormous cake which I bet anyone can finish it in such a short time although it really taste awesome :D Den we spent our day at bugis, and we played 55 AND BRIDGE!!! its super fun lahh! I didn't noe that its so easy to play! And our day ends at prayer meeting...which i hope that someone is there, but I didn't get to see him. So nvrmind. my heart uh my heart...why did I miss him so much mann. And I just dunnoe how I can just pretend to be okay for so long. I wish I didn't. Anw, I shall just stop here because tmr theres this workshop...den theres replug too. I just hope that tmr will pass so quickly.

NIGHTS READERS!

Keep holding it? mind over body? heart over mind?

2010-09-26T08:41:00.000-07:00

Hey readers! :D

I did enjoyed myself a lot today! one of the best sundays! hahhaa! :D
My dear friends: Airin, Theresa and Xue Li celebrated my 18th birthday and bought me nice necklaces :DDD SO SWEETT! I'm really touched!! :)

The thing about yesterday was that work was tiring probably due to pain..cramps u noe...period...
Sighs! And it just flowww and stained it...cos I couldn't get out of the booth! AND I was really really troubled! Thank God that Yin san managed to take over my booth awhile while I go "check it out".
Its a "muddy" experienced because the booth was set on the MUD, and ball was rolling all over the MUD, and my shoes was stained with MUD! Thinking about that job, I think its manageable still...at least not as stress as waitressing at hotel....and the pay is way better. :D

So yea! thats about yesterday!

About my heart....
I can say that honestly..its conditioned by thinking about that someone special already. So my thoughts, and mind is all occupied by it still. VERY HARD ok? I'm really trying. and today when praying, theres so many many times that I strayed my thoughts and started to think about the smile that he has and so onnnn...and I can't say Amen. So just keep praying that my mind will be conditioned by Christ and in Him alone I live for and will only think of! Probably my heart has been holding on these thoughts...keep holding it for quite sometimes. Its more like a habit. And I still foolishly hope that he'd wished me for my birthday but yea, he didn't. of 100+++ facebook wall posts, I scrolled down to look for it...And when I don't see it...I scrolled down another time...another time...up and down...and I told myself to just stop. Its all meaningless. I know. Its been quite a while already. And when I tried to move on, I always find myself back at the starting point. *sobbbb* Why? Teenage years really hard. Mature faster SHI TING! MATURE faster! Don't think about meaningless things!! THROW THOSE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS AWAY!

*into the sea!* yay! its done. haha :D:D:D

Yeah, bye readers!

A not-so-good holiday

2010-09-24T06:26:00.000-07:00

Hey readers!

For those of you who don't know, I'm EIGHTEEN ALREADY!! :D:D

Don't know why I'm feeling quite down nowadays.
18th birthday was seriously bored to tears...
Can't watch my drama because my bro was hogging on to the lappy..
And he used the broom to threaten me and screamed at me..because I was using the lappy to reply my birthday msgs on facebook. *sighs*

My mood was totally spoilt. Its a bad choice to stay home afterall. ):
But spending my birthday with all my family members, suddenly made me realised something..
I never had a good look at them and never really felt special when I'm out with them becos probably I'm always with them. But this time round when I am going to celebrate both the mid-Autumn and my birthday together with them, I had this special feeling..I felt that everything's so wonderful. I had this person as my dad, that person as my mum and so on. I felt that its really very awesome of the way how God has planned everything and chose my parents and siblings as well as my grandparents for me! its just so unique to think about it right now!

Anw, when I was at the lower seletar reservoir to enjoy that special evening, I really hope that someone thats special in my heart or my bestiesssssss (i put lotsa ssssss because I really had lotsa good good and awesome awesome besties!)will suddenly appear out of nowhere and just nice we can enjoy the evening together! :D:D:D:D Like those in the typical drama shows..or just some life of my other friends who had received great surprises that I saw in the facebook. :D Somehow, I just gave the thought up.. and when I was there, I just wanna quietly enjoy it that way with my family :D Its great :D

So much so for 22.09.2010 this year :D

Well, just the thing about yesterday was quite horrid esp at night.
my room was so stuffy... I'm feeling so uncomfortable. My body's not well. (probably ate too much ice cream and cake) I dreamt of a huge HUGE mosquito that bite me because moisture and darkness will attract them. and my sis tried to make a glass cover (out of wood frame and plastic sheets) around my bed to prevent mosquito from coming in. Well, that was a bad idea. cos the so called "glass cover" didn't cover all the circumference of my bed. so the HUGE mosquito came in to bite me. So i had a bad sleep..somehow, I couldn't sleep well..and I'm stressed that I couldn't sleep cos the next morning hafta be in replug.

And that morning came today...
I tot i was late. But i was the first to arrive..and waited for all my band members to come.. and from 9.50am..., i did nothing except eating till 11am+. *sighs* thats the thing that I don't really like about some replug members. But well, still...I shall consider that its a test of patience and that I should bring work to do whenever there's meet up so that I can make full use of my time (: I was really sleepy and my eyes were tired till mad..and head was heavy and my heart was beating so fast (dunnoe why). The worse thing came is that the sole of my black shoes came off. and somemore got hole there. SHUACKS. its so embarrassing and I'm kinda of happie that no one noticed! haha! Finally the replug preview first internal was over. can rest well tonight! :DDD

*sighs* replug replug and replug..when can I do the things I want..
So many many things I want to do cannot do.. because there are so many many things I need to do.

WHY THE NEED TO DO IS Always NEVER ENDING?
No wonder so many people doesn't like the way life is..
):

Bye readers!

there's no discipline in me!

2010-09-06T04:30:00.000-07:00

Dear readers

I remembered when I was thinking whether to go poly a not, my mother asked me...
"Do you have the discipline a not? Because in poly, the teachers don't chase after you to do work. So Girl arh...if you go poly, make sure you have the discipline in you."

and I told her,
"OF COURSE LAH!" Definitely no problem one. When its time to study, I study wan. Confirm no problem de.

I sounded so confident that time...
Now...I'm doing my revision for biochem so half-heartedly.

the a and p UT is difficult to the MAXXX! section A sure gone case. But B and C still got hope. SIGHS~ I didn't go revise other topics seriously...So in the end..section A came out bones arhh...joints arhh...anatomical terms arhhh...digestive system arhhh...till i wanna cry for MUMMY already.. :(

Get A for the past UT oso no use...
Now my a n p hope are kinda vanished.
My only A for this term that I can secure...might be gone....

Tmr biochem...hope it will be okay...
better study harder to make sure I get A or at least B+.
If not, I can't get overall A or B+ or that module alrdy..
Den my university dream school will be getting further and further away..till i lose sight of it.

bye readers!

A desire for a change

2010-08-31T09:39:00.000-07:00

Dear readers

Its time for a BIGGER change! It's time to stop being the so called "normal" Shi Ting.
The girl who always laugh for no reason, a girl who wants to find pleasure in the sight of both men and God, even to the sins of the world...she'd gladly give in.

For all this time....all this while...
I'm struggling with my personal lusts and desires...
I couldn't let go of my feelings....to the point that I felt that I think I had put him first than God..
Its so obvious and I couldn't deny.

Everytime when I enter facebook...he'll be in my page.
Everytime I walked into the house of the Lord, I'll pretend to be okay...But I keep asking myself...Where is he? Did he come to church today? If not, I keep thinking why..
Everytime when I sat somewhere near him...
I got distracted...lost focus on the Lord.
Whenever I didn't get the attention I wanted,
I played sad songs on piano...unknowingly...

I've actually idiolised a man whom I think that he loves God without knowing whether is true a not..
( Because only God knows the hearts of all man and I will not know the true motives of the hearts of men. So I've got no right to say or to judge that he's someone who loves God.)

I'm not made to love a godly man more than God.
In fact, this is a TRAP! IT'S A BAD THING!
All this are nothing. Not of ANY ETERNAL VALUE!
ITS WORSE THAN ANYTHING ELSE FOR IT REMAINS IN MY HEART FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME!
The Lord will not be pleased and this might even provoke Him to anger.
The Lord knows my heart and identified this problem.
For this very reason, I desire to let him go a while ago.
But time passed, I was bored or restless...
Having many friends who have a beautiful romance...
I desire to have someone whom I like to be around with me..
I desire of someone that could bring the best out of me, like no one else can do. I wanted it so badly till I lost control of myself...always imagine if he is with me that kind of thing.

So here again, I want this to be a reminder for myself...
That there is no creature hidden from His sight,
but all things are NAKED and OPEN to the eyes of Him to whom WE MUST GIVE ACCOUNT. -Heb 4:13
There'll be judgment. Because sin brough chaos within the system, and it's going against the character of God. Thus, sin and evil must be atoned for.
So sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon me.
I definitely cannot bear the wrath of God and His judgments,
its too great for me to bear...too scary to think of it...I cannot give any reasonable account to Him.

So, I desire for a change...different from the world.
People changed looks to look more attractive, more pleasing to the eyes of men.
But as for me, I desire to change my heart, to be only pleasing unto eyes of the Lord.

Ask me why...
because He first loved me...and He never gives up loving me day by day.

Alright, back to some of the things that has occurred..
it's nothing happening actually. only that particular struggle that I'd mentioned bothers me a lot.
I wore a shoe that gave me blisters all over my foot. Its painful. But somehow, it doesn't feel that pain anymore. Its a shoe that my brother bought for me. So glad to know that he's sweet to me. Its really a great privileged. U know...its like the kind of feeling that some one whom doesn't seems to care suddenly became so thoughtful and nice..that kind of joy that I felt when my brother bought that pair of shoe for me :)

I felt so blessed to have so many friends contacting me recently...
Cared for me...
Their actions does let me feel so blessed :)
I can't hope for more but only to thank God for them.
I hope that I'll show more care and concern to them too. Be more selfless and more considerate.

Bye readers!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
my prayer through a song...

Father, I know that all my live
Is portioned our for me,
the changes that are sure to come
I do not fear to see;
I ask Thee for a quiet mind
Intent on pleasing Thee.

I ask Thee for a thoughtful love,
Through constant watching wise,
To meet the glad with joyful smiles,
To wipe the weeping eyes;
A heart at leisure from itself,
To soothe and sympathize.

I would not have the restless will
That hurries to and fro,
Seeking for some great thing to do
Or secret thing to know,
I would be treated as a child,
guided where I go.

I ask Thee for daily strength
To none that asks denied;
A mind to blend with outward life,
While keeping at Thy side;
Content to fill a little space,
If Thou be glorified.

Wherever in the world I am,
In whatsoever estate,
I have a fellowship with hearts
To keep and cultivate,
A work of lowly love to do
For Him on Whom I wait.

In service which Thy will appoints
There are no bonds for me;
My inmost heart is taught the Truth
That makes Thy children free;
A life of self-renouncing love
Is one of liberty.

Amen.

What should I do?

2010-07-30T09:59:00.000-07:00

Hey readers! [:

I had been doing my quiet time consistently yea? Though its 1am now... But I shall put my date as 31 July and bracket its for 30 july!

Well, I'm on a TIGHT budget. Thinking of bdae gift for my buddy and at the same time, I wanna rebond my fringe...and buy new shoes for myself. I guess I can't. :(

Hafta settle my friend's bdae gift first..den either do rebonding or new clothes/shoes. :(

HAISSS (sighs)

Well, I have to sacrifice my new shoes and rebonding den.

Okay..after blogging I know what to do! LOL!
As for new clothes, shall order in bulk with my friends. theres this online blogspot thinggy that sells clothes (nice Tee shirt) at 5.90/3.90 only! :D

Oh yea, by the way...
To let go of one person is definitely not easy.
The more you wanna let go...somehow the person keeps on appearing near me!
WHAT SHOULD I DOO when he's near me..?!?!?!
(Actually I just ignored)

bye readers! [:

Letting go is NOT EASY!!

2010-07-18T07:54:00.000-07:00

Hey readers!

BAD NEWS BAD NEWS!!!
I just couldn't imagine I could get jealous over tiny winy things...
I'd browsed through the photo album which had so many pics of my crush and my friend (shes not close to me.)
She's like getting cuter and cuter...
Getting sporty and cool.
While I'm rotting away...UT fever and nothing.

Yupp...and my crush was there during her mini birthday celebration.
Its mini becos theres only, my crush's so called "mum", my crush himself, my friend's mom and herself. They even had like a amazing race, where they'll stalk her and leave postcards to give her clue to the destination (the place where they will celebrate her birthday!) They went singapore flyer...taking awesome loadds of pics (many of him and her..Urgh) and I never had a chance to even set a foot into the flyer...not to even say taking pics with him.. :((

And now I just couldn't revise A n P because I'm in the midst to control myself to start any conversation with him...I just cant talk to him in MSN...I just dunnoe why.. I just find it so hard to stop having this kinda feeling. It's totally messy and it terrible.

I dunnno why I like him in the first place.

*kay cool down*
Sorry, but I'm seriously venting my emotions here.

I hope it will not get any worse.
and I will only remember....
JESUS ONLY AND LET GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (of my crush)

bye readers [:

I'll let go. It's a better choice

2010-07-12T06:03:00.000-07:00

Dear readers

Perhaps somehow, have you ever thought that for every person that walked into your life, have its purpose? What is it exactly? Have you all ever thought about that? Its a rather important question for you to think about...because just letting life pass and not trying to see the true purpose, does made life meaningless and made you feel lost.

Anyway, back to the secret crush thing... It hasn't been really good..nor has it been worse..
I just felt that I need to stop holding to those unrealistic hopes. I've been imaginating the things that we can do. The cookies that I MUST learn and the way I should treat you :) However, I feel that being in one sided love isn't any way near "productive". I had to let go of those thoughts, perhaps feelings too.

Letting go is when you have to let go something so precious (which you have been holding on to).
But giving out is when you felt the thing is something that you can't achieve ; something that you can't make it achievable (makes u feel hopeless) , or you just don't give a try and had never hold on to it.

Its just different...between letting go and giving up...
Let me give you an example:

Its like a guy loves a girl. And likewise for the girl too. But due to some difficult circumstances, the girl had let go of the feelings that she had for the guy. But if the guy knows that she's leaving and did not try to keep her to stay, he's giving up..and that's a total loser. If he made his best effort to try to keep the girl to stay, hugging her and don't let her go, he is not giving up. But if the girl choose to leave him still (probably for a good reason), and he decided to let her go, then he's not a total loser..

Because or perhaps, when you let go of something, you actually gained something too. WHAT'S THAT SOMETHING?! Its fact. Yes, it's fact. You'll then know that whether both of you are for each other. Cause if the girl realised that she had been thinking and she just needed him when shes far far away, she'll get back to him sooner or later.. So, if things are meant to be yours, it will be yours one day. I always believe that :D

Well, of course, there's a reason why we all have hormones. Its something that its involuntary..
My heart might be beating very fast when I see him, but I can stop myself from thinking of ways to get his attention! :]]

Let my life be only Yours, my Lord, my God...
Only You can take the first place in my heart.
Right now it's so so hard to focus on You......
I had been thinking about him too much.....
I see him in my dreams.. I love the way I could get to close to him...
But its not right. Just let my live my life freely in Your will.

BYE READERS! :]]

slowing down, look around

2010-06-25T07:27:00.000-07:00

Hey readers! [:

Its me again!!!! Don't feel really energetic nowadays...
Feeling weary and perhaps lonely. There isn't anything that I can really enjoy...
I just keep on rejecting or rather refuse to go to work. I'm kinda sad cos I really got no money to spend on the things I like. Cos I'm like trying to save up just in case I feel like rebonding my hair again.

While I was walking to YCK mrt station... I just start to walk a little slower...I felt that ever since I get into poly.. I feel that I'm like getting younger. Not the looks lah (Oh actually can lah.. the looks, cos less pimples and less white hair. Den hair nicer oso.. so dun look like auntie anymore :X) Its actually the way I do things. I used to rush here and there....till im out of breath. But nowadays, I felt that I'm more slack..though sometimes a bit tense in class. But well, its not as stressful as Os. and definitely more freedom! YES! THATS THE WORD!! FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!
FREEDOM to do things! to play games! to have fun!!! :D More time to look around....at pretty stuffs/scenery...at handsome/cute guys. MORE TIME FOR DRAMA!!!!! and msn!

But it seems like I'm still not having more time for God. still wasting my time and not discipline enuff to sit down and meditate on His word. *sighs*

KAY, gotta catch my korean drama now.
BYE READERS! [:

Crazy about him, but why do I feel so down suddenly?

2010-06-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

Hey readers! [:

Arhh...so in loveeeeeee...arhhh~~~
dreamy feelings... *mmmmmmm*

How can he be so perfect?????

I miss you loadds :( Although we were just a distance apart, and noticed that u look up the stairs, but still, I just didn't talk to u, or even greet u :(

*SIGHS*

BYE READERS [:

About Life, About Me .

2010-06-13T08:09:00.000-07:00

What's me?

I'm like the "kai xin guo". This "Kai Xin Guo" are those nuts that people likes to eat during chinese new year.

Why am I like nuts? Am I nuts?!?

Actually, why I described myself as Kai Xin Guo is because...

Sometimes you only need to put in a little effort to open that slighlty cracked Kai Xin Guo in order to enjoy that little nut. Just like me...You just have to simply tap on my shoulder or wink at me etc., do something that require little effort, you'll make me laugh! I am serious! :D

And sometimes, an awful cheeky stare at me, which Iqmal always did will make me laugh too!
But guess what, I think that Kai Xin Guo would taste awfully sweet too! hahaha!

But when life's get hard, just like one of the Kai Xin Guo's shell...so hard...so hard to crack... so hard to get the nut of the shell..
I might need more care, more concern, more msgs, more dates, and more one-to-one talk etc. to get my "shell" more brittle in order of you to make me smile/laugh (:

I found that life is simple. Its sometimes complex because it involves in emotions, which is very subjective.
It is sometimes tough, because of challenges and difficulties. But I believe that after very storm, there'll be rainbow. And its where I'll be you at the rainbow's end...where'll never get separated.

Love you, those people who made me laugh

All refresh!

2010-06-07T08:18:00.000-07:00

Hey readers! [:

Emo time is over! who says holidays can't be exciting without some one whom you like cares and concern for you?!

Tmr going back school to prepare for artsplatter. Will be doing day and night by kid cudi:)
Hmm, got some ideas for it already! HAHHAA! can't wait to try out tmr!!!!

I better go sleep now, cos at any moment of time, my mum will check on me to see whether im asleep already a not!!!

BTW, I DON'T LIKE my crushed BCMJ's new hair cut!!! SOOOOOOOOOOOO UGLLYYYYYYY!!!! ARGHS! why do he have to cut his pretty and nice, beautiful (sexy !!) hair?
I love his previous hair style...so natural...with the fringe in front... AWWWWSS
so in love with it! hahhaa!

nights readers [:

all again

2010-06-04T09:59:00.000-07:00

Hey readers! [:

REPLUG CAMP WAS AWESOME FUN! and funny :D

I was really worn out by the end of replug camp.
One of my juniors asked if I gt boyfriend a not, if dun haf he wanna be my boyfriend!
LOL! I was like hahaha, I really got no boyfriend and I don't have boyfriend before. den he didn't like ask anymore. Well, its so causal :D

Den Iqmal asked about who i wanna date with in replug honestly..
I lied yo...I've got no intention to date dilly (the one that I said) and wayne (the one everyone want me to go steady with)..I wanted to have a date out with fifi/cheng/danny they all.. :D

But well...a date is a date. Not like ok?

UPDATES:
1. I was the only who played soccer with repluggios
2. I scored 3 goals for soccer!
3. They asked if I was a guy in disguise..and ask me to shave my hair LOL
4. When cheng asked why mary like john. I said because john dick is harry.
(answer was inspired by the famous maths question...always got tom, dick and harry had 9 marbles...)
5. Warren piggyback me and suddenly freak me out by carrying me when taking pics.
6. I danced crazily during the last night of replug camp's party.
7. I gave ideas for two keyboardists and that drained out all my brain juices.

But when all these things past and no more replug camp..it was time to work.
I really went back to banquet today to work. On the way home, I felt so emo.

I sent a msg to myself..saying the on the 14 december 2009 (which is 2 days after the "shooting star" incident), I had so many exciting plans for the hols. But for this hols, I almst had nothing to get excited abt..only things to worry abt. Worry abt PP, A and P UT revision and preparation for reflection concert.

Lonely and weary, tired and despair....
I found my way out...working really hard...earn a bit of money to spend..
Just hoping that I'll be able to get ur attention some day if we ever saw each other by accident (or coincidence)...(A few guys had their attention on me...but I don't want it)
WHY am I doing this???..
I know for myself that you're not the one..and noe that perhaps is that guy I recently crushed on..

U...are still in my mind even till now.

I noe that even if u got my attention, even with things looks well...I know for myself that I won't accept u..But why am I still holding it even till now??

Whenever I get to school, I hope to see you. and when I happened to see you, I looked away instead. I freaked out!

Ur gf gave me that awful stare and I just ignored it..thinking that its okay. and shes childish by doing this.

I think that u were hiding away from me..cos every thing left now was only that masking tape on that button shoe...the webcam max that I stubbornly dun wanna delete it becos my sis suspect that it was the cause of the virus(pop ups) in my com, the pics in my phone, the msgs u sent me, and the msn..(you left the awesome W15H kids group)..

I felt so so afraid to see you...but yet I want to see you..
I felt so so very afraid to talk to you..but yet secretly I always open the msn dialogue..

I knew exactly what I need to give up (let go)
I knew..I just need a little more time..

Bye readers [:

hahaha!! I'M SO HAPPY TODAY!! hahahha!

2010-05-27T08:29:00.000-07:00

Dear READERS! :D

I'M SOOOO HAPPY TODAY!
Its been a long time since I chill out with my goodie friends!!!
Had jap steamboat buffet!! FELT SO PAMPERED! and even so, we shared a lot of jokes! random stuffs and laughing at stupid things in john little!

Saw this girl wearing a pink shorts, showing her ass off and we laughed our ass off!!!!
HHAHAHAHAHHAA!
OKAY! I know this is evil..but its really gross. The shorts was so short until u can see that peach shape of the butt! and its pink. So its really like a peach! LOL!

The card that I made for here!
Spent 4 hours on it! not kidding

Well! den when im back home, I was browsing through the bunch of letters I received from my friends. Den very happy to see two letter.

One was this...I was wondering who gave me this...

The other was from the guy that I like VERY VERY MUCH recently!
hahaha! He gave me the letter for Christmas himself personally! I still remembered that!
SOO HAPPY ABOUT THAT TOO! YAY! now finally got something to see before I sleep!

lolololol! BTW! my mum feels good about this guy that I like too! she even asked me to visit him to my house to encourage my bro to come back to church and she wanna noe him more TOO(to see how good he was!)

I LOVE TODAY! thank You Lord for all these blessings and provision!
LOVE YOU VERY VERY VERY MUCH!

Bye readers! [:

the Guess WAD day /:

2010-05-23T08:32:00.000-07:00

HEY READERS! [:
How I wish I could eat a square watermelon!
Hey readers! [:
Today was a very happy day.
Now I know why I couldn't do work properly.
Cos my mind is so occupied with someone.
Mann, he caught me looking at him twice! AWKWARD!
I just feel that he's really getting more attractive each sunday.

Today...I burst out! I told my mum in front of my dad that my bro's friends (which is him...okay...lets name him. He's BCMJ [his full name initials] ..so that u guys know which him im talking abt) are getting more handsome! Trying to hint to my mum that im in a huge crush with someone. But she doesn't seem to get it.
Instead, she said, "Yar loh, his friends getting more handsome and I saw them in church. The older they grew up, the more handsome they are. Unlike your brother hor...the older he gets, the uglier it is."

Oh well! Anw guess wad..today's quite hectic! I force myself to listen to the morning ministry and I was freezing. Den I played for SS and got a few songs screwed up a bit. Not too much :D Overall its quite okay. I like to play great is thy faithfulness. Played it well and they all sang well!

Guess wad, I did the wrong assignment. Thank God, that aunty sweechoo didn't ask me to answer the questions. Den I went to piano lsn, half dead. It was so super tiring. Very trysting.

And wads worst was...my piano tchr test me on the things that I learnt AGES ago. and I had to play them. Thank God, it wasn't very screwed and my tchr can even say..GOOD!

going home and every step I took was getting heavier each time...GUESS WAD?
My left foot didn't lift up properly and I tripped over and almost fell! Thank God. I didn't had a fall. But my toe did feel a little painful.

Guess wad? The weather...was painfully hot. HOT HOT HOT! went home like a dead girl.
and slept with my mum. Den feel a bit not like it. Den went back to my bedroom to sleep. Feel uncomfortable in that position becos I never bathe and dun wanna dirty the clean part of the bed...i got up and went to my bro's room to sleep. Finally, I slept SOUNDLY!

den when I got up... GUESS WAD? im LATE FOR USHERING! chiong out of the house and the weather was painfully hot agn! Sweaty, I entered the train. Trying to cool down.

Guess wad...The bus took so long to come! So in the end, I was very late for church meeting. But its still a worthwhile trip..having to hear Tony Anthony spreading the Gospel in my church! I almost cried when I heard how he got converted..Wanna noe abt it? Ask me! hahaha!

Den its great to eat near BCMJ! den i just pretend to look at the crowd...and den our eyes met. I wanna smile nicely at him....or say a hi or something. But den...sigh. why m i thinking of woo-ing a guy. But how can he look so handsome?! DAMMM... STUPID STUPID! get off my head lah BCMJ! bye to u, BCMJ! sleep well and rmb to think of me when u sleep!

OK
I gtg off to sleep bye!

BYE READERS!

MOOooo00ooo... No mood?

2010-05-22T08:11:00.000-07:00

Hey readers! [:

I've got no mood to study lah!
BIOCHEM makes my blood stirs and boils!
I just can't tahan biochem le lah.

DAM sian you noe. STUPID. Having to study it just for 1-5weeks already makes me wanna go crazy! ESPECIALLY the second problem. Got kerbs cycle and the oxidative phosphorylation.

Why do I start having no interest in anything I do?
I just feel like relaxing at one corner. Watch the very nice dramas, get to go shopping (buy new stuffs), have a good hair do. Sighs, I never want to be a taitai...Hais. I just haf this urge to shop! MANN...shopaholic, this addiction is getting on my nerves! CALM DOWN! alright! I need to do some exercise! But no time, how arh? Now already 11+pm.. tmr got church until 12pm. den still gota go piano lesson and revise for biochem. den at night got usher duty. dunno my friend can make it a not.

Bye readers

PEK CHEK week!

2010-05-20T00:46:00.000-07:00

hey readers! [:

This whole week was quite sad.
First, I screwed up my chem II UT. for a moment, I thought that descending was from smallest to largest! and hence I ranked my elements in the opposite order!

Next was that Cheng was saying that he was worried that some seniors in replug might not be able to meet the mark because some were really good, and some were not there yet. Obviously, he was referring to me. And I just having dinner with them eh! Well, I admit that its a fact. But my mood was torn already. Danny was sharing some funny happenings in his army. That kind of makes me feel better and that he proposed that this up coming concert will be at esplanade water front. Hmm, I'm kinda excited. But still worried that I'd screw up. Pray that everything will be okay

The weird thing that repluggios did.

Next, when I get home, I saw my biochem daily grade. its a stupid B! HAIS. ALL because of my class laughing at how I pronouced specificity so pek chek-ly and hence I laughed during presentation. If only I don't laugh. Cos she commented me that Shi Ting, PLEASE DO NOT LAUGH DURING PRESENTATION.

I find myself feeling so tired physically and hardly could get any rest. I had a nightmare yesterday that Cheng died. I somehow I remembered that he asked me for a date in my dream. So scary! But I was the one crying the most at his funeral. Mann, what kind of dream is that?! Dreaming that my bandmate died because he overworked and died when he slept.

Well, the previous night I dreamt that the guy I have a crushed on, messaged a LONG LONG msg to me. He was so long winded and he kept telling me not to do this, and must remember to do that because I was under his group or something liddat. Then somehow, I remembered quite vividly that I swam very fast and everyone including him was kinda of impressed by the speed I swim using backward stroke! =) What a funny dream!

Yesterday I heard two songs by susan boyle. She was singing I cried a river over you and I dreamt a dream. I think shes a very inspirational singer. Well, it just takes a song for me to have some ideas of what ballad and soul song is like. So I tired it on the piano. Its pretty cool eh!

Well, just hope that tmr's microbio UT wun be screwed!

BYE READERS! [:

Weeks past...

2010-05-15T05:52:00.000-07:00

Hi readers! [:

Are you tired and weary...have you almost lost your way?

Well, I feeling physically tired and super sian.
Even going to church also didn't get to talk much.
Life is going so boringly and yet pressure is slowly building up.
Many things I just couldn't understand when I just think about the things that happened in the past..

I think about it as I walk past the same old place abt the same time when I was with you.
Why issit that I can sight the most amazing things with you but not with other people?
Why did He allow this to happen when we were not meant to be?
I just can't comprehend life happenings.
But one thing I know is that He (THE Lord) is always there, hearing every prayer, Faithful and True.
He walks by my side..all the day through.

When I think about the tragic of other's people life...
I felt quite burdened. It was so disturbing. But yet from there, I can see how blessed I am..and that I should stop questioning about why this thing happened and I realised I was in a deep trouble because only after he left, I realised that I have feelings for him. Gave up and moved on.
Thought life was gna be still great. But why the emptiness? and why am I trying so hard to look for someone perfect?

Lonely for this whole period of time..But hey, I should stop pitying myself and be more self less yea? So now I changed my hope. Last time, I was hoping to be content and stop comparing with others. Now I learnt contentment. This coming week's hope is to be self less. No self fish thoughts yea?

Hmm..anw, wad's wrong with being single?
Lotsa my classmates were actually kinda shocked that I have never went into relationship offically kind. Well, I don't think the guys I've came across have ever gave me the YOU-ARE-THE-ONE feeling except for the one I was thinking about these few days (which I think was a mistake,) and also that guy I got crushed on recently (which I think might be or not a mistake. WHO KNOWS? (: ).

Ah well, when I'm alone and not really doing things.. I really think about him and laughing to myself when I rmbed the funny and silly things he did. Can't find another guy as really cute and funny as he is. but well, good things passed. And now, we've not met up for quite some time, and I don't think its good to meet up with him. Cos just by saying a "HEYY, hello!" to him, its alrdy quite awkward esp when his gf is with him. I can't myself to talk to him more than just a greeting. Its just too out of my comfort zone.

ANW! FOR THE FIRST TIME...
I'M IN THE SAME BAND AS TABITHA (2nd runner up for singapore idol season 3) and Khim (campus superstar runner up)!!! THE GENRE WILL BE BALLAD AND SOUL! WHOOhoo!! If God willing for me to make it through the preparations, I WILL be performing at this yr's reflections! cool yea? can't wait!

And for the first time..I took a cab to church myself..using my own money because I think I am going to be late. If late den give bad impression to people and GG, cos I'm the pianist for the sisters' meeting (most of the mothers of my friends were the members of the sisters' meeting! =X)

And for the first time...I watched the Harlem Gospel Choir and felt awkward holding wayne's hand. Thankfully he wore a jacket and so his palm was covered with his jacket. If not, he could feel my SWEATY PALMS! (SHHH, don't tell him!) oh yea, must pray for him. cos he's not well for 1 week plus alrdy! POOR THING.

Okay, shall do my preparations for my UT! bye readers!

BYE!

OH! the PERFECT fit?

2010-05-02T08:03:00.000-07:00

Hey READERS! [:

I just I just I just.....
I just I just I just....
I just I just I just....
I just I just I just....
I just I just I just....
I just I just I just....

I JUST!....just.....JUST.....
HAD A mini (actually is a HUGE)....

CRUSHED on someone I knew for so LONG!
NO WAY! no way! WHY?!?!?!?!?
I never like one sided..
Its going to drive me crazy...

How can he be SOOOOO PERFECT?
Everything about him was so perfect..
He's quite cute..
not only that..
He was a baptized believer in the same church as me. and I just realised that both of us were present at each other baptism service.
He's teaching/facilitating this group of sec 1 boys in Youth meeting.
He was in NPCC in ACJC i think. (I always like to have somebody like a policeman liddat (: )
The fact that he's in ACJC, and that he was in integrated program tells me that he's quite intellectual.
He can go and take bus the same way as me after church too (: HAHAHA!
He plays a bit of guitar..
He loves sports too (CAPTAIN'S BALL!)
Quite lame. -.-" but at the same time quite logical and funny :D
He let people take pics of him :D
and he has a darlie smile :D:D:D:D
He was in the same camp group as me..and that time, I was his assistant group leader(:
(He sang that song and borrowed markers from me. and I can still rmb those time)

I think about those times I get quite close to him.
Its quite sweet actually. and I realized that...actually unconsciously, I do have a little feeling for him ever since 2-4 years back. But I realised that just yesterday...(1may), when I saw him, I just kept looking at him secretly from the side. And when I don't see him, I felt paranoid. Kept looking around to see him, pretending that I'm finding somebody.
Mann, its horrible! its terrible!!
When he's near me, I start to feel a bit nervy..
and so when I'm talking to a friend, I started to laugh nervously...
(I didn't dare to look at him)

So when I'm in a distance from him, I just look around and saw him.
AND OH NO! he was facing the same direction and I look straight into his eyes. and quickly avoided. Why is this happening...

WHAT DID I DONE WRONG?
I never like one-sided love. Its kind of a bad thing.

SIGHS!!!!! And you know wad?!
I was hyper happy about today just becos I get to say Hi to him and he said Hi too and smiled to me?! (and he gave a quick look on the books that I'm holding).

AND I'm way too sick..
You know wad I did?
when I'm home...I kept replaying that scene when we said Hi to each other in front of the mirror and found out that I gave an awful smile. (and told myself that I should smile like this and not like that when the next time I say hi to him)

NONONONO...i'm just too sick. TOOO SICK.
I just..fell in love. I think so. a bit scared of feeling rejected and feeling jealous or disappointed.
I just wanna be myself when he's there.
I just don't want to fall too deep in love in him..
I just hope that he won't occupy too much space in my heart till God have to squeeze in order to stay in my heart.
Pray that I will not think too much abt him!! WALK FAITHFULLY WITH GOD!!
YES SHI TING!! JIA YOU!

BYE READERS! [:

More Babes than Dudes???

2010-04-23T08:26:00.000-07:00

Hello READERS! [:

I believe most of us have started school already yea?

Well, I think year 2 is really YEAR 2! Its quite tough and I don't really like to go through all these modules. CHEM! BIO! BIOCHEM! so wadever mann..

But my class was kinda funny and they laughed at things too :D which makes the lesson quite enjoyable. (:

I named my class as more babes than dudes. Well, cos we don't have a fixed classroom. And so I can't name them in MSN after the classrooms names. Otherwise it would be a chaos. So I just picked one special trademark of my class. That is...There are more babes than dudes :p

Oh, this class....The first day of school i tell u...Its horribly funny.
My team...except Jenny, we have an "illness", which is i think..a blabbering problem. Like kinda tongue tied/twist. I made my team laughed so hard because I dunno how to pronounce section. and they laughed even harder when I said I don't believe I cannot pronounced the word sesscent. This is how I pronounced section to sess-cent.

But seems like Jenny had problem pronouncing the word ligand today! I remembered Jeremy pronounced it as li-gun. (what a LOL) But forgt wad jenny said. Anw..THIS IS CALL...*retribution!* BLAH! :P

One of the malay girls, I forgt wads her name (hah! paiseh!)...
She wanted the whiteboard duster. But guess wad..she said, where's the feather duster? Immediately we LAUGHED OUT LOUD! Feather duster...think wad...Clean house uh? HAHAHA! I was no better den her mann.. I remembered in sec 4, I said to Mrs Matthews that I will go down to the General hospital. ITS GENERAL OFFICE! wad general hospital...

but its how cute people get blur sometimes. Really makes me laughed loadds (:

Oh well, I love my biochem group too! the ragu and jennifer made me laughed soooo much. They share jokes and stories. And Jennifer said ragu's nick was gugu bird? And they found out about my shitting nick name and laughed hell loadds. Ragu shared one disgusting experience about the orange juice shot out of his friend's nostrils, leaving the plups inside the nostrils too. DAMM sick~ (what a eww!!)

Life in school was quite great. Had SLA fiesta. I thought its gna be really boring and stuffs. But to my surprise, it was fun! took pics and heard loadds of crappy jokes. ALSO, i met lotsa old old friends like primary school friends! COOL MAN!

HA! this is tabby from the same Interest Group as me!
REPLUG ! !Ao cheng on the left. He's a guitar pro and really musically talented mann!
Alex on the right. SUPER cool bassist. and he's oso very musically inclined!
My primary school friend! NAVEEN!

Happily ever after in RP? I hope so! Everyday is quite exciting actually. Friends to have lunch with. Friends to walk to or back to mrt station with. Jokes and Blur cute happenings to make me laugh. Kinda contented and don't wanna ask for more (:

Apparently that dream thing is still there.. I can't ask for more...but for you to get out of my dreams. I just want this to come to an end. Please...let go of me. Don't come into my dreams anymore.

Bye READERS! [:

bad sweet dreams

2010-04-21T07:09:00.000-07:00

Hi readers!

Have you ever wondered that somehow actually the most amazing and awesome dream can be as bad as a nightmare?

Well...honestly, for me I do think that awesome sweet dreams can make me emotional down. Esp it is that kind of dream that u actually dreamt of someone whom you really like a lot likes you back. And that together, u and him did a lot and gone through a lot of tough events. It brought me back to the feeling that I was in love. The feeling is just so real that I myself could have that feeling of excitement when I dreamt of that dream. In the dream, everything just went so well..and I could feel that warmth and it comforted my soul in a way. However when the alaram starts to ring loudly and disturbed that whole dream...forcing me to wake up and leave that dream, I really hated it. Why couldn't my life be so full of surprises? Why do I have to face the reality and the truth that I can't have it...

And so, when I went off to work or to school for lessons, I felt really emotional. Really really hated it. Esp that particular dream... In that dream, I rmbed that he plucked the lemon flower from the ground and put it in my hand. I rmbed it was so lovely. But out of shock, some stupid woman appeared and commanded me to go back to work. So I had no choice but to put it in the pocket of my blouse. Dreams are dreams. Its so odd that the blouse I dreamt of was the blouse that I wanted to wear to work. When I woke up, I delibrately check if there was a lemon flower in it. But there was none. None at all. Nothing...

I've watched a lot of movies that something special occured to this particular girl, but in my life, there isn't at all. No fairytales, no magic. The lemon flower is not in the pocket...

So readers, sweet dreams can be worse than nightmares. Although it doesn't frightens you, but it makes u really want something that can never happen to happen in your life. Its so beautiful it makes you want to cry. It makes you really want something that you can never get.

I wish, that the pain of missing someone so much would soon be gone. I wish, the dream will never makes me get reminded of that feeling of being so in love with someone I can't be with and can never be with. I wish, that if dreams cannot come true, then it shouldn't be something that I would dream of at night.

Its been a long time

2010-04-08T09:10:00.000-07:00

Hey readers!

Many many things happened during these few weeks.

One of the highlights were the days (2 days 1 night @Amara Sanctuary Resort Sentosa)
That place was really amazing! Located near or in the resorts world. and there's like private jacuzzi and sky pool (which nobody used it! and can see the "world" from there! at night, I can see the glittering singapore. In the morning, I can see lots of ships and birds flying above me. Love that life.

Well, time passes so quickly and the next morning hafta check out from that fab place. After checking out that place, my sis brought me to the underwater world, dolphin Lagoon, sky ride and the loge ride :D I never had such a fantastic day for soooo long. Had B and J ice cream too :D

The next day hafta work. Work for 5 days, den finally ytd, I had stop working. And start to do intensive revision. Alone yet kinda happy cos I pampered myself with a caramel fantasy which cost me $5.60. Its just a drink btw. And 6 chicken drumlets. i ate it in one go. How hungry I was haha (: didn't finish studying the whole chem book. but, at least..I felt a bit contented. (:
Going to cityhall later to collect my pay(: shall get ready now (: Oh yeah, and my dad birthday! I treat my sis mum and dad sakura. Going kinda broke. cos it cost $120.70!! But it was really delicious and they enjoyed the meal haha! Thank God (:

BYE READERS! [:

The 100th post

2010-03-28T06:37:00.000-07:00

"Hi Shi Ting, I'm crazy violent monster named cough...
I love your voice. It looks delicious."

Cough grabbed my voice and ate it.
*WHOA~~ IT TASTE FANTASTIC!*

Hi readers...

Yes, you read that lame story.. and I lost my voice. Sound like Madonna now.
SEXY VOICE! hahaha. Its like when I say one sentence, a few words are missing. and they sounded like whisper.

Becos of this illness, I can't go to work. and today...I didn't go for morning worship>ministry>sun sch>piano lesson>work. All have to be cancelled. *sighs*

Hope that I can get well soon and quickly go to work!! nid money!!

withLOTSofLOVE
Shi Ting

a complete, uncontrollable breakdown of tears

2010-03-21T00:39:00.000-07:00

Hi readers.

Sis told me that I'm thinking too much.

Perhaps I am. I having too many concerns. Burden for my friends.
The thought that some people were born to die isn't great at all.

But what can I do? I am a complete failure, a person who hardly utters any word to any of her friends about God. I tried. But lost their attention easily and walked away feeling that I'm addicted to Christianity.

I pondered about the things in the world. What a wonderful creation that God created!! My eyes do not have to bear that glaring sunlight when I am sleeping because the Sun went to sleep too. The trees and flowers waving their hands to me while the wind blows. YES! It was that breeze that makes it breathtaking. Surely, the One who created all this, must be someone who loves you and I. Its so lovely. And when I thought of it as I'm walking back home today, I held my tears. And don't know why tears starts streaming down my faceimmediately when I got into the lift. Felt really paiseh to let my family members see me crying because they were all home. I mean...its really stupid right? So I stood at the stairs to calm down and took a long breath. BREATHE IN and OUT. Mixed emotions. Great joy with thanksgiving in my heart, yet sorrows for friends who are not saved.

Obviously, I had not done my best.

Well anw, I'm saturated with the Word today. Aunty Swee Choo fed me with a lot of words and I am too full and finally burst out...and agn, hunger.

I told myself...why am I crying for myself all the time...self pitying that my life was really sadly boring, unattractive...got bullied and hurt or did the wrong thing and got punished. How is it that I can cry for all this almost all the time and it was none of His glory; all in vain. And I seldom shed tears of gratefulness...to the One who had kept me save till now. They just do not know how much it takes to get this far...

Of great confidence, I know who I have believed. And am persuaded that Christ died, and He was buried and that He rose up on the third day. He, the One who overcame death. He, suffered so much. All because He love me. And I believed that even if this world, there is only me. One sinner...He will still come down to die for my sins. All because of love. God, you love me and I love You too...I am sorry and I am very ashamed of what I have did and You are all that I need. Without You, there's no me.

Bye readers.

white horse

2010-03-17T06:55:00.000-07:00

Just don't know why...
The white horse song kept on playing in my head...

Stupid girl stupid girl, I should have known...
I'm not your princess
This not a fairytale.

Hey readers

I quit. Well, I never love to organise things for w15h.
Its super not bonded. Except for the walk-to-woodlands-mrt-station peeps are spontaneous. The rest were very hard to please them. All VIP, head shot.

They never knew how hard it is to get people to come and get food and stuffs to make them feel comfortable. Well, I just wanna make people happy. I knew they are. But don't get why my mum and my sis kept on annoying me and telling me wad to do like i'm a small kid.

I feel like going somewhere really far. really far...
I don't wanna face my family members everyday to hear their textbook advices and comments.
I'm getting super sick of it.

I shall save up $ and wait till the right time, and I shall leave this place and forever not to come back. [I REALLY FEEL LIKE THIS RIGHT NOW~]

Right now I'm so stuck in this place. All I go is just work work work, visiting people's house, a few dinner with friends, church church church, school for jazz workshop, piano piano piano.

I want something new. new. new. badly.
Not a guy, a place. A new place. like new zeland.
I want to take a breeze...
Go sightseeing...
take awesome photographs...
wear a lovely dress...

Dreaming about it now...

couldn't get it clear

2010-03-16T09:27:00.000-07:00

Hey readers!

Happenings:
Eileen's birthday- She was surprised to see me there!! and she likes the birthday gifts (:

WORKWORKWORK- the wedding buffet dinner was super slack. $30 very easy to earn :D BUT! I was so embarrased when that indian guy asked for vodka orange, I thought he was trying to say water orange. orange + water. so I gave him that. and he asked, whats this? I said we don't serve real oranges. so I mixed the orange soda with water. Then he said, No..I mean vodka (I heard water agn) orange! and his friend shook his head. and I finally understood that its hard liqour drink. But he has already asked another waiter to get. so I just stood there.

Well..got another day that I chiong for work. 7am-11pm. SUPER SHAGGED. plus the day after work hafta go church. Really forced myself to wakie wakie.

church! [sunday school anni]- sad by the number of girls that attended. well, I was sticking with yinsan the whole evening. I talked to a guy in depot walk that I think I didn't talked to him for years. and I took pics (:

Replug with jammers arena (jazz workshop): SUPER FUN! funny too!! Mr chia (my former music teacher in NBSS, now coaching in replug) was teaching theory. He wanna test us on the 13th note/6th/5th note of any keys he named. So I was very excited and enthu! Iq kept asking me to keep quiet. cos I keep answering first! LOL! [: den Warren started to imitate my facebook pic. He said that even though my granny looked grumpy I still gave the twist and happy (act cute) face.

SHOPPING with kimlaopo- I owed her $23!! Crazy shopping and it was fun (: go around hunting for the chanel ring after I thought I won't be buying becos its so ex! But well...I just love it when I first saw it. so i bought it. We went hunting for my fairy necklace..and I was disappointed that I couldn't find it in orchard wisma. den somehow we decided to go to 313@somerset cos kimmy never went in there b4. So I'VE GOT MY FAIRY NECKLACE! beautiful! On the way home after kimmy left, I went to AMK to collect that lovely white cardigan that has got ribbons on both side of it. awws..really felt so happy. Feeling excited, I went home to try out the new clothes and new outfit together with the new accessories. Pampered, yes it was [:

Everyday is a new day, a new beginning and a new hope. New feelings were established too (:

bye readers!

shag

2010-03-07T02:42:00.000-08:00

Hey readers...

I haven't been blogging much.
Have been crazy working.

OH yes, about work...it makes me mad and happy.
WHY MAD?
Park palace manager wants me to get to park palace restaurant to work for the evening after I've finish setting up at the banquet's canning room. Well..canning room was used for park palace function, but canning room is somewhere that I'm more familiar with because its at banquet. So I wanna stay there and don't wanna go down to park palace restaurant to work. The captain told the manager if I could stay at canning a not, then he say cannot cos he want me to work at p.palace as I've worked there for quite sometime. (sians!)

THATS NOT IT!! I had to takkaire of so many tables. Practically one person to 3 tables. Serve until i wanna die. Den those aunties that helped out in canning room end off early and came down to help. One of the aunties asked me why i wanna coming down to parkpalace. she said she received $20 of angbao money and furthermore, they felt very comfortable and relax working there. RIGHT after I heard this, I WAS DAMMM PISSED!

It got me complaining about this stupid manager for the whole day because his handwritting suxs. and I have to go up and down finding him for stupid signature so that I can collect pay and get that troublesome account lady to approve my work voucher(so I went to the account>to the security>to the ballroom>security>account *repeat 2 times) this took me HALF AN HOUR LONG and I've got like 45 mins for break only. So I hafta eat like hungry monkey that day for dinner. MEGA PISSED. Even worse, my shoes are breaking apart. It cannot be worn but hafta no choice but to work with torn shoes.

Walking home, I felt super pissed and a bit of fear aroused. the surroundings were too quiet and what's worse was the slasher that goes around disfiguring females' face by slashing them with knife, haven't get caught yet. (But I have to remember God's promise. That even I walked in a lonesome dark valley, He's with me. And I shouldn't fear)

HOME SWEET HOME. I felt really shagged that day. and i hate to work at park palace.
I REALLY LOVE BANQUET.

Next, happy working? well thats cos i'm working in banquet on some fine day(working hours: 9pm-5am) I'm not trying to kill myself by working until so late. its just once in a while and whats more, my manager booked a suite for me and ruoxi to sleep!! SHIOK SHIOK! HOTEL ROOM 1018! i didn't get to sleep much becos the next day got video shoot for repluggios at rp. But wad was shiok was, theres food the next day morning when I woke up((: and meeting the repluggios was dammm fun! All that stupid jokes and photos really made me laughed hard. I hadn't felt like this for quite sometimes already. Surely, only rp friends can crack me up most of the time. :D

I don't know whether i'm feeling alone or was it serenity?
Life was busy busy like bee but I don't really feel that I like this kind of life...
Perhaps I want somebody to need me. Yup, need and want is a totally different thing.

anw, today sunday school..
I had NEVER in my life thought of this...
That I'm a gift from the Father to the Son (L.J.C.).
I always see that the Lord Jesus was a gift from the Father, to bring eternal salvation to me.
But when the sunday school teacher said that I'm a gift to the Son. Just a gift, although I cannot bring eternal salvation like He could, I felt really special. I don't want to be too complacent and live my life any-o-how. And if i'm living my life any-o-how, it will mean this truth, I can't get to heaven. Because it reflects that I don't treasure the Lord and what He has done for me.

Sometime many Christians lay a foot on the world and the other on the church, and this cannot be so. (I cannot serve 2 masters) Many christians, including myself always prayed that the Lord will help us to do well (like wealth) in life, which is not something that we should not be doing. He is my master and I shouldn't be asking of Him to help me in this and that. I should do His will instead(: Anw, loving the world will bring forth temptations and its a snare. I love today's lesson. it has too much of a impact. I really need to check out my goals. If the goal is the same as an unbeliever, I should change it to some goal that will honor and glorify the ONE.

BYE READERS![:

The hopeless romantic

2010-02-19T06:53:00.000-08:00

Hey readers! [:

I've been reading the book called the hopeless romantic handbook. Just started a few pages only but realised a lot of things and agreed to that point of view...

The hopeless romantic- chose to take the risk of never be able to be with the Mr. Right rather than being with the wrong guy. She wanted to have her own fairytale. and if it doesn't exist, at least..she waited.

For me..I'm like the hopeless romantic. But its not because I want to have my own fairytale (that guy has to be six foot tall and smart but will still have to listen to my comments. handsome and adorable), its because this life is not of my own and also about my God. So my Mr. Right must be someone who loves the Lord more than I do. Even that person might be someone that is handsome, cute, loves me, likes me, very receptive to the Lord's word, but doesn't love God more than I do, he's not my Mr. Right.

May this blog post set as a reminder to myself, that if I happened to like someone who met my earthly requirements (handsome and cute and smart and rich and loves me only etc.), I will be able to make my own stand, and if necessary, show this blog post to him so that he'd understand someday.

Food for thoughts

Like V.S. Love

Unknowingly, I shared this like v.s. love with ruoxi and kenneth (they're my banquet colleagues).

Well..the difference between like and love is that...
You can like someone now and the next minute you know, that person whom you like did something terrible to you and you dislike that person. Liking a person can fade away. Some people will refer it as chemistry. Once the chemistry is gone, you don't like that person anymore, and you don't want to be with that person anymore.

But a true relationship involves love. Love is when no matter how much that person did those terrible things to you, you're still able to forgive them and hence love them.
-Forgiving is not about ignoring what that person just did to you and tried to ignore/bear with those hurtful feelings. Its about able to accept those feelings but still graciously give that person a chance to repent (and hoping that he/she will stop making that mistake which causes you to feel annoyed in particular)

In short, love is when that person whom you liked b4 and doesn't like her/him anymore, you will still give that person your heart and it will last forever.

That person still means a lot to you.
He/she is so special that you sometimes felt so scared that because there's only one Him/Her.

Just some opinions(:

Bye readers(:

I'm also a human too...

2010-02-16T07:58:00.000-08:00

Hey readers...

A few days ago, I had a short chat via sms with jon jon.
Well..He asked how was my val's day and I told him I had no valentine.
Den he asked why?..he tot I poly alrdy so met a lotsa shuai ges.

So I just told him that I do met one...but he's just a special friend and I asked him about his valentine. He told me how he met her and they broke up but ended up together agn becos that girl was still very nice to him thou they were separated.

Hmm..and he asked why that person stepped out of my life..
And I simply told him due to some obligations here and there..

and he asked how den? cos youth comes only once.

Obviously I noe that youth comes once only in my life. But I also wish that my fairytale could happen now and I won't have bear the pain of missing someone so much anymore. Its a tinge of sadness to know that I just can't be like any other girls that could readily accept someone whom she likes. I struggled and I sometimes really wanna get out of this "zone" and break away and be with someone I like. But I can't. becos this life of mine, is not about me alone. Its also about HIM who lives in my heart. That person of my life must be someone whom pleases HIM, and not just any guy of my liking and that is it.

And its not only about love relationship that I struggled. I have to obey my mum and always cannot go beyond her limit to go out late at night. So I can seldom stay overnight at some places and I'd usually get scolded when I came home late even though I told my mum that I would be late. Becos she wans be to get home by certain time and doesn't allow me to stay on till late.

I'm also a human...A teenage girl who longs for love and comfort and be in someone's care. But, becos wad I am now doesn't allow me to do it. This is a fact that I must learn to take it in...
I just hope that there wun be anyone coming into my life anymore...becos I hate the feeling of letting go of someone when I can't just bear to. I really hate it...It feels so lousy. This feeling suxs.. really suxs.

But im still grateful that I have a happy heart. That will keep my life more interesting and wun make me an emo girl..

My life is Yours. Make it wonderful(:

Bye readers [: